My five year old is a jackass

[Rapunzel]

We had a doozie of an argument this morning- I was the one having the tantrum at the end.
He just had this little smirk on his face because he knew he got under my skin.

Oh my. That sounds like me as a teenager - and my brother as a little kid and THEN STILL as a teenager. He's now in his late 20's and I'm in my mid 30's and I *think* we both recently started to outgrow this behavior.

Good luck with disciplining him! But, seriously, if he's like my four year old he's a force of nature that can only be carefully coerced into going in the right direction (maybe, hopefully?).

[Rapunzel]

I'm serious about the time outs for you. If you feel the steam rising, just exit gracefully and go read in your room.

This.

I remember one night when dh was working late in residency and the kids had driven me up the wall. A good friend stopped in because she felt like I needed her. She came into my home to discover that I had sent myself to "time-out" so my kids would survive the night.

[Rapunzel]

Spanking does not work with him. Period. With his institutionalized infancy, I do not want to resort to scare tactics or anything that will impact his trust of us. And those few occasions where we have spanked, it just escalates his anger and frustration. The hugging technique from his toddlerhood may have to get dusted back off. (The methods to combact reactive attachment disorder which he DOES NOT have but they're good techniques)

Jenn

There are DEFINITELY children for whom spanking will not work. I should know - of my six I have one of that type. With certain strong-willed children spanking does not reinforce the entire "actions=consequences" reaction. Those of you who don't have a child with what I call the "bulldozer" personality won't understand this.

You have my empathy!!!

[Rapunzel]

Your five-year-old is a jackass?

My thirty-five-year-old is a jackass.

Some things men never grow out of. My jackass doesn't hit, but he's often equally noncompliant.

I'm so sorry, DCJenn. If it's any encouragement, he'll grow out of it. Unlike my thirty-five-year-old.

FWIW, I don't employ spanking with my guy. But then, in his case, I think that would not necessarily be the deterrent that I would be hoping for... hahaha...

Sorry - totally pointless post here - but that was just really funny.

[peggyfromwastate]

Well, $100 at Office Max and we'll see if a reward chart will work. It probably won't but at least I can say I tried it. (never worked for my clients, either)

Rick and I went out for lunch to have uninterupted time to hash through what the team approach to this will be (what? who is this man in front of me? an involved parent?)

I think last night was bad enough to scare ALL of us into finding a better way. Three people having tantrums is no fun.

So far I've tried all of the aforementioned things- we do the "if you don't eat your dinner, then you don't eat", the sending him to bed at whatever time, the timeouts (like Michelle says, they're really only effective if they MEAN something), we've taken away toys, etc.

He doesn't watch TV and is only allowed computer games a few times for limited amounts of time. I mean all that's left is books and I'm certainly not going to take away books!

Spanking does not work with him. Period. With his institutionalized infancy, I do not want to resort to scare tactics or anything that will impact his trust of us. And those few occasions where we have spanked, it just escalates his anger and frustration. The hugging technique from his toddlerhood may have to get dusted back off. (The methods to combact reactive attachment disorder which he DOES NOT have but they're good techniques)

Thanks- it's good to know that none of you been broken! I hope the stickers work!

Jenn

Jenn, this sounds just like what we went thru with Kate... At 5 she was *grounded* all the time. THe only thing she had left in her room were her books. On the bright side, she developed into a voracious reader who read at college level in 5th grade.



I have no advice. You're doing all the right things. Some kids are just wired to be very, very independent and non-conformist. It's really hard for them to yield thier independence to do what their parents want...



Just keep looking forward to the end of this phase-- you'll have a couple of days at least of the nice, sweet boy you know is in there!!! When that happens, enjoy it!

[peggyfromwastate]

I really think this is a 5 year old thing. Mine is definitely in an antagonistic phase at the moment and I feel like I've taken away everything but her birthday and have only had minimal results.
\.

We took away Kate;s birthday at this age-- she didn't give a rip. It only served to make grandma mad at me...

[Phoebe]

We took away Kate;s birthday at this age-- she didn't give a rip. It only served to make grandma mad at me...

This would be a great way to piss my MIL off because she is all about gifts and food. MIL keeps telling me that my 6 year old could use a good spanking. When I told her the spanking is followed up by "that doesn't hurt", she shut her mouth. I'm sticking to my mommy time outs and thinking about Jenn's sticker charts. This book by "Positive Discipline" by Janice Nelsen has some good insight.

[bokelley]

Sounds like you are on the right track!! Can I add that children scare the crap out of me... I think they can smell fear!! With that said I am going to take my four legged children to bed.

[Rapunzel]

Sounds like you are on the right track!! Can I add that children scare the crap out of me... I think they can smell fear!! With that said I am going to take my four legged children to bed.

I used to say that I was "allergic" to children. I was also scared to death of them.

And, look where I landed? Ohhhh.... Life is a very interesting thing....

[Meenah]

My mother had six children, and she always said "Before I had children I had six theories on how to raise them, now I have six children and no theories". How true.