Growing up too fast

[Phoebe]

I have to face the music that my oldest daughter is approaching puberty and things will be changing. I would like to continue to keep my head in the sand and make DH have the necessary talks with her. So far, she says never wearing deodorant or a bra. She doesn't like change.

Today I find here getting on the computer to look up "how to kiss a boy". I shooed her out of the house at the time because I was trying to work out while the baby napped. I told her she isn't allowed to look that stuff up on the internet and use youtube as a reference. I didn't handle the situation well because I really wanted to finish my exercise. We have had ongoing discussions about personal space and what boundaries are acceptable. I know she sees stuff on TV which is most likely prompting her interest in this subject. She is 10.5 years old and I want to keep her from exposure to this.

How do you handle stuff like this? I can't get youtube blocked on my computer. I am clueless. I did go back and reiterate to my girls that is they have a question about something that they should ask DH or I first and we would find the answer together.

[ladymoreta]

No offense, but I would never in a million years have asked my mom how to kiss a boy. Now might be a good time if you haven't already had the sex talk, and give her some books to read on her own.

[BonBon]

To block youtube, go to:
control panel
network and internet
internet options
security
restricted sites...click on "sites", then add in www.youtube.com and "add" (and save) and your kids won't be able to access youtube. Yes, I had to do this after catching my girls watching a nearly x-rated Barbie movie.

[Pollyanna]

Every single child is different. Some will come to you and tell you everything, others will not, and others will fall somewhere in the middle. Yes, you should tell your children that they need to come to you but even more than that you need to be the very best spy there is. By that I mean really paying attention to what they are talking about, hangin' with, worried about, etc. Then YOU start the conversation. I wouldn't panic about YouTube, I would simply say, "hey I noticed you were wondering about (fill in the blank), what do you want to know?" ALL children want to talk about this stuff but they all need different environments where they will feel comfortable. Some will do better in the car, others face to face, others while you are making dinner. You will just need to find out what works best with each child. Your daughter may be thrilled to have a dialoge with you or she may be mortified. If the latter just keep reassuring her that her curiosity is healthy and normal. Talk about your excpectations and morals as a family and then remind her that this is all good fun and exciting stuff that is coming up for her in the future and that you and dad are always there to talk. I completely understand your desire to finish your workout but I will point out that if you have a child willing to talk then I would STOP everything and do it. I promise you that they won't be ready to talk when you are. We have skipped dinners, games, dance classes, etc because a child was ready to talk. It's not something you can plan for.
I assume you have already covered puberty/sex with her. If not "It's a Girl Thing" by Mavis Jukes is an awesome book to read with your daughter. And if you haven't discussed this stuff I would get on it this summer because they are talking about it at school.
Hang in there mama, you are going to do great!

[Ladybug]

Following with interest and cheering for team Phoebe and daughter. You can do it!

[diggitydot]

Our girls are 16 and 12. What I've discovered is that they each want to talk about things in their own way and at their own time. It ends up being a continuing dialogue around here. Occasionally, I have to initiate, but I usually just let them talk when they're ready. For DD1, that time is usually an hour after she gets home from school, which is weird. But that kid is like freaking clockwork. For DD2, it's all. the. time. Typically, at the least opportune time imaginable.