Changing Schools

[SuzySunshine]

There are just SO many unknowns.

School A: community, tied to our church, BUT they are implementing a new curriculum - how is that going to change things? NO idea!, 17 in the K class, goes through 8th grade

School B: EXCELLENT school, LOVE their preschool, LOVE the college placements/test scores etc (10 kids to Stanford in 5 years in a class of only 100 kids/year is nothing to sneeze at), 20-22 in K class but TWO teachers, afraid the kids are going to be to snooty b/c of the money in that school, tuition is 5x School A; goes through senior year - won't have to change schools again,

I think the money really is it for both of us - its more in one year then either of us paid for college - can we afford it? yes. Will it affect our severely lacking saving for retirement - yes.

I just. don't. know!!

[weeniegeniewife]

"You're going to a new school next year. You'll have lots of great new friends. We love the school and so will you! Now, please [eat your peas/make your bed/go to sleep or whatever is next]."

BTDT.

This, totally. BTDT, too. Don't make a big issue out of it; she's 5.5, she'll adapt quickly.

[weeniegeniewife]

Changing Schools

Honestly, here is my take on this:

DD was in private school for 2 years, and it was NOT worth the money. We have a great public school system here, and the cost of private just does not make any sense...it's better spent socking it away and saving for college. I know there are a lot of iMSNers who put their kids in private, and that is what works for them. For us, public is where it's at. We can afford private, but no way will we ever go back. DD is thriving in public school and she will be just fine.

DH went to Stanford and I went to an itty bitty liberal arts school. He has his MD, and I am finishing my PhD. We're both smart and have done well. And IMO, that is not due to private or public school.

Wherever you send them, they will do just fine.

[SoonerTexan]

How are the public schools there? Wasn't that a selling point to the area or I thinking of someone else?

[SuzySunshine]

The public district is good but her K class would be 25+, way to big so we won't consider that for now. Plus the diversity at the two other schools aren't great but it's a heck of a lot better then she'd get at the public grass school.

[SuzySunshine]

Plus the KS public schools as a whole are a MESS right now, totally underfunded and its only going to get worse.

[Pollyanna]

What high school does school A feed into? How is that HS community? How is the youth group at your church? If they don't have a strong youth program where will you find it for your children(unless school B is also of the same faith)? They are too young now but it will be something that will grow in importance as they get older. How much is your church community tied into the school, meaning, will you still feel like you fit if you move the kids to school B?
Don't worry about your kids being "snooty" if they go to school B. There are people with no money that act like their shit don't smell too. There is no correlation between wealth and "snootiness".
If the price tag is the sticking point let your financial advisor decide for you. Kids not having to move schools again in school B shouldn't be a selling point because you know the minute you say it out loud one too many times the medical gods will make sure you have to move, lol (jk...sort of.

[SuzySunshine]

The kids kind of scatter when it comes to high school and maybe that is part of my leaning towards B. There is a catholic coed high school not far from our house which is what I'm sure it technically feeds into but the kids go to that coed catholic, the all boys catholic, or one of two all girls catholic, the public high school (which is better then the elementaries but not great and BIG), or to School B which we are considering. School B accepted 30 freshman out of 80 applicants last year.

School B is not the same faith and I do know there is a youth group at our church but I'll admit I know very little about it. I do know they offer a Wednesday night catechesis for kids that don't go to the school. I would wager if the kids switch to B the church will be just the church, our social outlets will come from school (and the CC if we join one).

ETA: That is a good idea about the financial adviser, I just sent him an e-mail.

[MrsK]

My children are younger so I haven't been faced with these decisions yet but my understanding has been that unless a school is really awful, parental involvement, extracurriculars, having a supportive family that encourages study, peer group (both in and out of school) and the like far outweigh factors like class size. Many public schools have fabulous gifted and accelerated programs and a parent who advocates for their child can assure that their child takes advantage of whatever programming is available.

Growing up, DrK and I both had experiences with public and private schools and we were both more successful in public schools. In my case, it was because my parents were very involved in our schools and because they fit in better at the public school. At the private school, snootiness did become a factor because my parents simply couldn't afford to make donations and purchase extras that other families could which helped them garner favor with the school administration. In DrK's case, his parents were not involved in his education but it was guidance counselors in the public school who pushed him, assured that he did not drop out of high school, and encouraged him to give college a try. He was an exceedingly confused and unhappy teenager but felt even more isolated in the private school than he did in the public school.

[migirl]

Re: class size, I would agree with MrsK that I wouldn't let that stop you from choosing that school. Our kids attend public school and DS7's first-grade class last year had 27 children in it (!), but there is tremendous parent involvement and resources at our school and he is thriving there.

[MrsK]

Also, I wanted to add that I disagree with the "now or never" proposition. You can always change schools if things are not working out. If it's an issue of the cost, I'd wait until I could comfortably afford it or until my child was in high school to start spending serious money like that.

I changed schools for 2nd and 3rd grade. Then our school district had us changing schools for 6th, 7th, and 9th grades. I disliked changing schools but most of my friends were from my youth group and other outside of school activities anyway. My brother was a Junior in high school when Hurricane Andrew destroyed our home and our family moved 60 miles away from his high school. He'd gone to school with some of those kids since 1st grade, was slated to edit the high school paper, and was at the top of his class. He was very adverse to changing schools and even tried commuting for a while. Ultimately, he ended up switching schools. At his new school, they made him a co-editor of the paper, his class rank was even higher, and within weeks he was sending letters to me (I was in college) about how much he enjoyed his new school and how even the girls were prettier at the new school. If you ask him now, he doesn't even remember the people who were in school with him from 1st-10th grade.

[Deebs]

I think I threw out the now or never next year, but really said it in terms of now,not next year. If you're really set on school B (as you were before but maybe aren't anymore), I'd just take the plunge this year instead of delaying. We've always lived in places with awesome public schools (that we largely didn't use because we moved before our kids were old enough), with the thought that we'd send our kids public and have a backup plan if their needs weren't being met. I know my seven year old would struggle with a larger class size, but my five year old could be in a class of forty and be fine. You know A and what will work for her. Trust your gut.

[SuzySunshine]

So the big difference between the public schools and School A (our church school) is the funding not the curriculum because they're both going to the Common Core. If we choose not to go to School B for this year we won't be going to the public schools, we just won't. If they want to go public in high school that will be a choice we make together but we won't send them there now. If the gifted options become an issue down the road then we would probably switch to B before we'd send them public. The public schools are just to big IMO. And I know that is a bias.

In one minute I think we'll just leave them at A until R hits kindergarten and then move them both - the next minute I think that will be even harder on A because she will have been with these friends for 3 years then (she plays soccer with them and takes dance with them as well - if we move her do we take her off of those teams and put her on teams with her new classmates? probably) and harder on us because by then it may be a solid social circle. And maybe by then the curriculum would prove me wrong and we wouldn't need to move them at all.

I just don't know - I'm really frustrated by the constant change in standards/testing/etc in the public (and now School A). I have nonchalantly asked a few moms in the last few days how they ended up at School A and basically they each told me they send their kids there because its is our church school, they really haven't paid any attention to the curriculum, old or new, and they don't really see it as an issue. Maybe that is part of my problem, maybe I'm over analyzing this whole thing.

I REALLY appreciate you guys being a sounding board for this - I really have no idea what we're going to do...

[MrsK]

I wasn't saying that you should choose public v. private. I was just using the public/private as an illustration of the differences between two different types of schools.

IDK why you would have to take her off her current teams or out of her current classes to be with the new peer group. Why couldn't she just see her current friends at soccer and make new friends at school?

[Vanquisher]

I don't think the huge increase in tuition would be worth it from what you describe. I send my kids to public school though, so YMMV.