Changing Schools

[Pollyanna]

I think you're overthinking this. Just make something up that sounds about right and call it a day. It's not like they'll know or give a shit.

Yep! We've always had to fill out those questions and I just make most if it up. I would be willing to bet it's not ever even read.

[SuzySunshine]

I had a very enlightening conversation with an experienced mom at our current school today, I'm requesting a conference with the teacher and one with the principal before the Thanksgiving break so that they are on notice that I expect some improvement between now and Christmas. Seems I'm not the only one that has issues with A's teacher. We'll see how this goes.

[peggyfromwastate]

I doubt you will see much change... Or action... What would make you happy? A new teacher? Her old teacher fired? They can't make her warm and cuddly and I bet your class isn't the first to have issues with her.

Don't get me wrong-- I hope it's truly productive. But after 13 years of dealing with education, I am way cynical. And my mind says meeting= trying to keep you and your tuition $ (and Rs tuition) in house.

Anyway... Bah humbug.

[houseelf]

+1, Peggy.

[Pollyanna]

I doubt you will see much change... Or action... What would make you happy? A new teacher? Her old teacher fired? They can't make her warm and cuddly and I bet your class isn't the first to have issues with her.

Don't get me wrong-- I hope it's truly productive. But after 13 years of dealing with education, I am way cynical. And my mind says meeting= trying to keep you and your tuition $ (and Rs tuition) in house.

Anyway... Bah humbug.

Peggy makes great points. What specifically are you looking for in terms of change?

[SuzySunshine]

To be honest I'm more using it to see how the principal/school handles it. I've heard good things about this principal as far as academics and how much better they've gotten in the 4 years since she has been there. We're not going to move her out of this school this year, it's not an option. So we're going to see how the school handles this because I know there have been other complaints about this teacher. I'll work extra with A if need be to make sure she gets through the year where she should but what I've heard is that if you're not at the top of the class with Mrs T you get lost.

A loves her friends, she loves her extras (music, Spanish, etc) and from talking to other parents with older kids in the last few weeks we have learned that the school turns out well prepared kids for the private high schools around us.

We're not sure if we're going to move her or not but I think raising our concerns and seeing what happens will play into our decision.

[SuzySunshine]

I went to a mom mingle at school this morning, TWO new moms that I met that have older kids said "have you adjusted to mrs T?" WHAT?!?! Why is this woman teaching K?

UGH!!

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I'm sorry you're so frustrated.

The good news is this:

A loves her friends, she loves her extras (music, Spanish, etc) and from talking to other parents with older kids in the last few weeks we have learned that the school turns out well prepared kids for the private high schools around us.

A seems to be doing quite well despite some struggles early on. This is teaching her some life skills including adaptability and coping with different personalities even if it doesn't end up being her school. Seems like even if this year isn't ideal, it's not damaging her and although I know Kindy is very, very important in starting school off on the right foot, she's got some pretty positive stuff going on too even if it's not all roses!!

ETA: Please don't read this post as me telling you "get over it"/"it's no big deal", I just wanted to say I'm happy to hear some positive stuff from A's perspective!

[Pollyanna]

I'm going to caution you on using a principal meeting as a test. I consider calling a principal meeting the nuclear option. I won't go to the principal unless I have exhausted all other avenues. Now other folks will go much much sooner but really unless you have something very specific you are looking for I wouldn't ask for a principal/teacher meeting, especially if you have any plans for staying in that school. Maybe I'm missing something but I though A's conference was positive? I know you're not a fan of the teacher but I have found the very best Kinder teachers to be the biggest hardasses. You will thank her when A hits 1st grade and school is ALL business. I know this is A's first foray into regular school but she really sounds like she is doing great (of course I'm not in your home and don't see her after school everyday). And really, in every school unless you are on the top or the very bottom your kid kind of gets lost. Its just the reality of life and school. The average kid that does what they are supposed to do is just not going to get attention because the teacher is just thrilled that they don't need it. This is especially true at a parochial school that lacks resources for extra aides.

Hang in there, school gets more exciting every year

[Sheherezade]

I don't think talking with the principal or the counselor is a bad idea. From following along in this thread, it sounds like you may be judging the whole school by the experience with this one teacher and classroom - and that clearly isn't enough. If you suspect that you've just fallen in to a "bad teacher" room, going to the principal or another staff member might give you a better feel for the attitudes with in the school as a whole. I believe there is a way to do this without being confrontational as long as it's clear that you've gone to the teacher first and that you and the teacher have a difference of opinion on instruction and classroom management.

Here's how I see it: You are considering moving your daughter to a different school if this is the philosophy shared by the entire staff. That's a principal level question. I'd imagine she's going to back up her teacher on specifics, but she might also give you hints that this is not a universal experience in every classroom. If you aren't asking the teacher to change everything because it doesn't work for your child, then it isn't a real threat to the principal - you are just expressing that this classroom assignment isn't a good fit for your family. It happens. If that's how it's going to be for every grade from now on, then you are wise to leave the school. The principal will be able to answer that question for you. She might also be able to help work towards a better year this year while maintaining peace between you and the teacher.

Heck, if you are planning to pull A from the school, you might as well go for broke in trying to find the solution at this school. We are in a wonderful district but we have a few teachers with bad reps. I can name all of them. They are known and their problems are known. The principals have heard from parents on many occasions about them. It isn't news to them. If I were to walk in to the office and express a "bad fit" with one of them (as opposed to starting with "I've heard from the grapevine that Ms. so-and-so is ...." or "I'm demanding that this change today!"), I think they'd probably be helpful. Other approaches might end up with the administration getting defensive figuring you've already aligned with the critics and you are now "one of them".

You are new to the school. Use it. People want to help new parents.

[Deebs]

I agree with Angie. Did you interview the principal before enrollment? If not, even more reason to meet with her now, as you're looking at school options. When we were looking for what district to move into here, one call to our principal and one to the principal of a neighboring school were all I needed to make the right decision. When I'm struggling with something at the school, I still think back to that call and I know I made the right choice for my children.

Also, we have a principal who stands up for her teachers. It doesn't mean she doesn't address complaints in a behind the scenes fashion, though. Last year, we had many concerns about DD's lack of physical activity at school. While the principal defended her staff, DD's class started fairly intense brain breaks the very next day.probably not a coincidence.


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[SuzySunshine]

We did not talk to the principal before we chose the school, we had such a good experience at the Young Child Center and we knew we weren't going public because of class size we just transitioned from the preschool to the grade school without asking any questions. Obviously that was a bad idea, although I'm not sure our plan would have changed. Its a good school, the graduates are prepared, very well, for both the private, catholic and public high schools near by.

I do appreciate all of the advice, I completely admit to being lost and having no idea what I'm doing. I feel like my friends that were/are teachers know exactly what and why they want for their kids, I have no clue!

And even though we can go private financially is that the best idea? Should we be saving that money for their education down the road and our retirement. I'd much rather tell then kids they can go to whatever college they want then to send them to a private $$ school and then tell them they have to take out loans to go to the pricey university because we can't afford it anymore.

I also read a few articles yesterday that say outcomes in the private vs parochial vs public aren't that different for kids with engaged, educated parents - so is it worth all of the stress of switching, worrying about the money, etc. if we just stay connected/committed to their education and where they are?

UGH!!

[Sheherezade]

The weight of all the decisions you have to make on behalf of your child is probably the biggest stress in motherhood. Or parenting - I'm sure dads feel it too. Know that no matter what they will turn out FINE. Obviously, all these decisions do affect them, but I have to believe that making a bad call a few times builds character. If you envision the choices you make in parenting as swerving along a road towards the future, you are still MOSTLY going straight ahead towards a rosy future for them. In then end, all a parent can do is try. You certainly have done that. You've put in a lot of effort and research. No matter what you end up choosing, it will be a good choice. If there was an obvious answer as to what was better, you would have found it. As it is, I'm guessing all your choices will have pros and cons.

We've all been there. You are a good mom. Don't worry so much. It causes grey hair.

[BonBon]

I wanted to weigh in with our experience. G has been *begging* to go back to Montessori for several years now. My gut said to re-enroll them there, but my wallet had a heart attack. With the advent of Common Core curricula, we looked into it again, let the kids visit a few days, and decided to send them there. It's been a few weeks, and I'm sad that I waited so long. They are completely loving school now, and are BLOOMING. It makes me cry to think about it. My son has never been so happy. He's like a whole new kid...he sings and dances throughout the house. ALL. THE. TIME. He eagerly attacks the small bit of homework he has.

I also read a few articles yesterday that say outcomes in the private vs parochial vs public aren't that different for kids with engaged, educated parents - so is it worth all of the stress of switching, worrying about the money, etc. if we just stay connected/committed to their education and where they are?

While this is true about outcomes, now that we've made the switch I'm wholly convinced that this is the better choice for us. I believe my kids will develop better critical thinking skills as well as be more independent. My thoughts are if you can swing it financially, maybe you should just go with your gut. I wish I did.

[SuzySunshine]

Thanks for that! I appreciate you sharing your experience. A loved her break, never once asked about school though she did ask about some friends. At the same time she was very ready to go back to school this morning and I just helped her with her homework and she did great with it with very little help from me.

DH and I are going to sit down and talk about it tonight but I think we will still go through the complete process with the other two schools and then make a determination. That means our current school will be alerted to the possibility because they will have to fill out forms but we'll see what that brings...