Emotions, Drama, and a Strong Will

[PrincessFiona]

Holy moly, MrsK. How stressful. Been there.

What are the consequences when she does these things? It sounds like she is constantly getting into things. Could she help clean up? Sit in time-out (supervised).

Amanda was like this for awhile and I literally could not let her out of my sight. I sat in her room (not talking to her) until she fell asleep. I removed all toys and books from her room. She was so sneaky she got into a box in my room with a prescription in it. She had to go to the ER and was sick for days. When I turned my back, Amanda would run out of the house and on the street. She colored all over her vulva with my sharpie marker. The preschool saw and I was blamed.

Nothing worked but putting her on a short leash. Removing toys, time-outs, making her clean her colorings off the wall, etc. When I cooked dinner, she had to stand in the kitchen and help me. It was exhausting but I constantly supervised her. She eventually stopped.


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[MrsK]

Holy moly, MrsK. How stressful. Been there.

What are the consequences when she does these things? It sounds like she is constantly getting into things. Could she help clean up? Sit in time-out (supervised).

Amanda was like this for awhile and I literally could not let her out of my sight. I sat in her room (not talking to her) until she fell asleep. I removed all toys and books from her room. She was so sneaky she got into a box in my room with a prescription in it. She had to go to the ER and was sick for days. When I turned my back, Amanda would run out of the house and on the street. She colored all over her vulva with my sharpie marker. The preschool saw and I was blamed.

Nothing worked but putting her on a short leash. Removing toys, time-outs, making her clean her colorings off the wall, etc. When I cooked dinner, she had to stand in the kitchen and help me. It was exhausting but I constantly supervised her. She eventually stopped.


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I’ve tried reasoning with her, scolding her, deprived her of privileges, taken away fun outings like pedicures, trips to Starbucks or visits to the American Girl store, put her in her room and sat outside her door.... I always make her clean up the mess even if it’s impossible to clean. Today, I told her she couldn’t leave her room until she cleaned up the spot where she stuck red chewing gum to her rug. She desperately tried to clean it and even scrubbed at it with an electric toothbrush (inventive but then I had to throw away her toothbrush) then she tried hiding the spot. I also had her scrub the nail polish off my mirrors until she was exhausted. She was horrified when neither the chewing gum or nail polish would budge but I don’t think she’s deterred. She cries and apologizes and then slips away and does it again.


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[MrsK]

Oh, and she doesn’t sleep. I put her to bed at 8 and she’s still sneaking out of her room at 11.


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[PrincessFiona]

Emotions, Drama, and a Strong Will

I think prevention is the only way. It’s exhausting but she can’t slip away. No freedom.


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[PrincessFiona]

Oh, and she doesn’t sleep. I put her to bed at 8 and she’s still sneaking out of her room at 11.


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Ugh. We went through that to. I have no answer.


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[MrsK]

I had a big argument with DrK about it this morning. We had to dress up fancy and be somewhere on time. All three kids were getting into mischief and he decided that he *had to* run errands right then. Then he didn’t understand why I wasn’t ready or showered when he returned. He said, that the children shouldn’t require constant direct supervision. I should be able to shower without them getting into trouble. Never mind that noise. Whether they should or not, they DO need constant direct supervision.


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[MrsK]

I left out that she also drew all over my car interior with an indelible crayon she snuck out of a restaurant.

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[PrincessFiona]

I had a big argument with DrK about it this morning. We had to dress up fancy and be somewhere on time. All three kids were getting into mischief and he decided that he *had to* run errands right then. Then he didn’t understand why I wasn’t ready or showered when he returned. He said, that the children shouldn’t require constant direct supervision. I should be able to shower without them getting into trouble. Never mind that noise. Whether they should or not, they DO need constant direct supervision.


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Lol. Oh, DrK. I wonder how it would go if you left and ran errands in that situation. And tell him kids require supervision but you know as a psychiatrist he already knows that!


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[MrsK]

Lol. Oh, DrK. I wonder how it would go if you left and ran errands in that situation. And tell him kids require supervision but you know as a psychiatrist he already knows that!


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I know exactly how that goes. I return home to discover all the things he didn't notice her destroying.

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[PrincessFiona]

I know exactly how that goes. I return home to discover all the things he didn't notice her destroying.

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Exactly


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[MrsK]

I left her in front of the TV for 5 minutes while I was tending to the laundry. She deliberately dropped her pants and peed on the floor. She is in her room now with the door open and I’m sitting across the hall watching her door.


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[alotofyarn]

Oh man, MrsK. I have no advice. E can definitely be destructive when she wants to be, although mostly it involves coloring on herself or the walls to make her/them more beautiful. She has destroyed some of my makeup too--she took a tweezer to my eyeshadow because she was pretending it was her baby's food. And she loves mixing water and other random items or substances. I think they're just super smart and creative, and most of this just seems logical? I have no idea. Lots of sympathy though, and hoping she grows out of it soon!

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[MrsK]

Sorry for the hijack [MENTION=4205]alotofyarn[/MENTION].

Just now, I put the kids to bed and tried to have a conversation with DrK at our kitchen table. Lambie left her room repeatedly and was sent back to her room each time. I go to check on her and she is AGAIN sticking gum on the rug and looking very guilty. She’d also rummaged through our room and had hidden numerous items under her bed including an indelible marker, a pack of chewing gum, a pocket knife, and some things from my jewelry box. She had drawn on her bedding, her dolls, her books, and on her doll’s bedding with the pen.

I flipped out and collected all the toys, books, decorative items, etc from her room. Took out the doll beds, removed the ruined sheets, and left her with nothing but a blanket, pillow, bare mattress, and a nightlight. She was shocked and cried that she cannot sleep without her things.

I told her that she lost her belongings because does not take care of the nice things she has and she is not respectful of my things. I also feel like crying when she takes and/or ruins my things, pees on the floor, paints the mirrors with nail polish, etc. Each day that she demonstrates responsible behavior, minds, and restrains herself from touching things when I say not to, she will earn one of her things back. If she does not mind, she will loose additional items. (She still has a lot of toys throughout the house not to mention a closet full of pretty clothes). I’m just exhausted being her constant warden.


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[MrsK]

I also feel like the meanest mom in the world. I just really don’t know what else to do. Seems logical to take away All The Nice Things if she’s destroying them but, boy, this is rough on mama.


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[alotofyarn]

Oh Lambie. Why can't they see that doing these things hurts them?? We had to come up with a new system because taking things away was making things harder for all of us, and it just wasn't working for her when she started telling us she didn't want those things anyway. Mondays tend to be rough here, but fortunately today wasn't so bad! I'm still holding onto hope that we will all make it through these phases alive and relatively undamaged.