Emotions, Drama, and a Strong Will

[alotofyarn]

I need help with E. Everything is the end of the world, and I'm struggling to parent her without all of us losing our minds.

This is what happened yesterday, which is pretty much every day:
She had a meltdown in the car after school because she wouldn’t buckle herself, and when I tried to buckle her she got mad because “she’s not a baby.” When we got home, she had a meltdown because everybody in her class got a treat bag, and hers wasn’t in her backpack (probably got put in another kid’s on accident, and I sort of understand this one). And then while I was cooking dinner she told me she hated vegetables and repeatedly asked if I was putting vegetables on her plate because she didn’t want them - except when I put her plate and C’s down in front of them, she had another meltdown because C had more vegetables on her plate than she did, and she’s bigger than him so she should have more vegetables.

In an attempt to stop taking away everything and to try and stop yelling, I just switched to a new system of positive reinforcement with a sticker chart. She hasn’t earned a sticker in a couple of days though because of all of the temper tantrums and drama.

Any other ideas? I know this is just a phase, and she'll eventually grow out of it, but this may kill us before then.

[SoonerTexan]

No real advice. Jason JUST got out of this as Nate came skidding into it like a feral animal.

[alotofyarn]

No real advice. Jason JUST got out of this as Nate came skidding into it like a feral animal.

C is also deep into his terrible twos, which doesn't help. I thought we would have enjoyable car rides to and from school every day, but instead they just scream and fight the whole drive, and I try not to yell at them.

[OrionGrad]

This is totally DS1. It’s gotten better in the past 6 months or so, but even now he’ll have meltdowns over the most random things. (Yesterday it was because DS2 told me he got 4 suckers that day when he actually had 3... something that didn’t involve DS1 at all. 🤷🏼*♀️) I try to be understanding that he has to hold it together at school for 6 hours, and that’s why he lashes out when he’s in the car on the way home, but sometimes it’s exhausting. It has gotten much better this year though, so I think it’s just something they gradually grow out of in time. At least that’s my hope!

[alotofyarn]

My mom just laughs because I was apparently the same way. She promises that it will get better! That doesn't help so much now though.

[Phoebe]

My oldest and youngest were like this. Four years old is the developmental stage for emotions. I would practice naming the feelings and just giving hugs and if stickers work great! Oh and lots of wine helps.


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[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Emotions, Drama, and a Strong Will

Please reference any post I write about D. We are consulting a therapist. It’s insane.


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[PrincessFiona]

A helpful book might be No More Meltdowns by Jed Baker.


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[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I’ve been reading a book called Parenting SOS. It’s really short but it’s actually helped.

Basically it’s timeout but it’s helped me become more playful about it. I have a digital timeout timer now and I picked one “problem area” and just give timeouts. But with the timer and a little training of her, I’ve been able to calmly disassociate and not lose my mind. I just set the timer and walk away.


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[Pollyanna]

Sounds like she is solidly in the four year old stage of disequilibrium. Completely normal stage of development. Not easy but expected. I love all the “Your Child at Age ___” books by Louise Bates Ames. Great books, very short and manageable. Talks about what to expect per child development and how to handle it on a day to day. Those bigs have been right on the money for all our kiddos.

[MrsK]

Like everyone said, sounds age appropriate. Lambie is at this stage too. K2 was a completely awful 3-4yo. It gets easier as they learn how to regulate their emotions better.

Also, that after school period is rough. Some kids work really hard to hold it together at school and then cut loose once they get home. K2 is still totally unreasonable after school. When he was in preschool, he’d get in the car and become totally unglued by the time I left the parking lot. Lately, I’ve been giving him a bath right after school, before dinner or anything else. It seems to calm him.




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[alotofyarn]

Thanks everybody! The last couple of days have been slightly better. I'm working on being more patient and helping her work through her big feelings and solve problems better, so all of that seems to be helping. This morning in the car, she was looking in her school folder and realized that she missed a couple of questions on her homework (sort of my fault for not checking it last night when she did it), and she just had a huge meltdown about how her teacher would be upset because her homework is supposed to be done at home before she gets to her class, and so I promised her we would do it in the office at school as soon as we got there, so that made her feel better.

I'm also going to her class today to talk about New Orleans. They've been doing a whole thing on culture, and they had asked parents to come in and talk about the culture of our family's heritage. Well, I don't really have too much to say about that, but I thought it might be fun to read some stories about New Orleans and have a little Mardi Gras parade, since we just moved from there, so that's the plan. I think she'll love having me there!

[L.Jane]

I just want to give you hugs. My E is also going through all of this. It's so hard!

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[MrsC]

C has been very emotional going back to school and has cried daily. I've noticed a lot more tearful kids in his class compared to last year. They're all 4 now, many are almost 5. We've been giving him extra one on one time with each of us and trying to do something fun after school most days. It's a tough age.

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[MrsK]

Any advise for me and my 4yo? She’s getting into all my stuff and she’s very destructive. This week, she has destroyed an eyeshadow palate, the carpet in my closet (which she soiled with the eyeshadow), false eyelashes, two bottles of nail polish, the mirrors in my bathroom (which she painted with the nail polish), my chocolate stash, her bedroom chair and bedding and all upholstered surfaces (which the got the chocolate all over), the area rug in her room (after finding daddy’s chewing gum), a jewelry box....I’m literally losing track. Tonight, I caught her covering all the bathroom fixtures with toothpaste. She is constantly in my things, in the bathroom, bedroom, my office, the kitchen. I have child locks on things which she opens. I put things up high and she climbs. I hide things and she finds them. I put locks on doors and she picks them.

I remember the K Bros, K1 especially, being into my things but never this persistently. They would make tremendous messes and then wait a few months before doing it again. Lambie does this every time I turn my back and especially when she’s supposed to be asleep. I can’t sit outside her room all night to guard my stuff. I’d lock her in her room until she was asleep but she vandalizes her bathroom and closet too. I’m just at my wit’s end.


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