The Heavy

[Phoebe]

I'm the heavy, over here! I think I would have reacted the same way. Being in the mindset of needing to get things done is why I would have. My 9 year old does that all the time. I agree breaks are necessary, but when it is in the middle of the night, I think getting the work done is more important.

It sounds like Ryan did follow the guidelines, but he did have a lot of work to do.

I don't like being the primary disciplinarian. DH and I have many disagreements about this.

[Sheherezade]

I'm with Tara. We have our own XBox situation here and I do get what you are talking about - but we also have a straight A good kid (like Ryan) and I would probably have cut him some slack. Cutting him slack in the past (it's my style - obviously I'm not a hard ass parent!) has worked to make him the good kid that he is. I know it doesn't work for every kid - but we are lucky.

I'd talk with him some more about your expectations and see if you can set some clear rules to get this loophole locked down.

[Meenah]

I haven't thoroughly read all of the responses, but I think you did not overreact. If you let kids get away with the "loophole" excuses now, it sets the stage for the future. If they don't have consequences that are enforced now, they will push every limit as teenagers. Trust me, you want them to BELIEVE they will lose privelidges when they are teenagers, out with friends, in cars, etc.

[MDPhDWife]

I think Tara offered some very sage advice.

With that being said, I'm most definitely the heavy in our house and it sucks. I think I just posted a thread about a similar scenario in our home last month. Depending on the situation, I may give a pass or a less severe consequence the first time a loop hole is discovered, but after that the consequence will be heavier due to the pass that was given the first time around.

Our oldest is gifted as well and sometimes ends up resenting the extra work she's given for her gifted class. I have to remember sometimes too that just because a child is gifted doesn't mean they don't sometimes lack in common sense. Perhaps Ryan's intentions weren't manipulative?

[diggitydot]

Even if he wasn't attempting to manipulate the situation to his benefit, it's still a good time for the lesson that exploiting loopholes could be interpreted as manipulative, even if done so unintentionally.

[Mrs. MD, Esq.]

That sounds like a tough situation...it's also my fear for the future...

I think the right thing in that situation varies from family to family...at the very least, you made your feelings on loopholes known to husband and son which will hopefully help in later situations.