so what all DO your med spouses help with?

[Auspicious]

Re: so what all DO your med spouses help with?

We have always rented and therefore don't have any outdoor work to do.

He does the laundry, takes out the trash, loads the dishwasher. Those are his main three. I end up helping him with all of those, though--like we each fold and put away our own laundry and I do the baby's, I have to sort the recycling and get it bagged up and ready to be carried out, etc.

Car maintenance we share, with me doing slightly more; finances/bill paying we share, with him doing slightly more.

He probably does some other minor stuff I'm taking for granted and can't even remember. And he takes care of all his own incidentals--I don't run his life, only the household stuff is up for negotiation.

I work at home, part time, maybe 10-12 hours a week. I feel like that shouldn't be a problem, but I am struggling to get it done right now.

Having a baby threw a major wrench in this entire topic in our marriage. Everything had to be renegotiated, and that did not happen automatically, or even go particularly smoothly. I was surprised, because he wasn't exactly a neanderthal before the baby. When she was around five months old I started initiating some frank discussions about it, and things have improved a lot. The new baby issue is pretty inseparable from the how-is-work-divided issue for me right now, though.

[mommax3]

Re: so what all DO your med spouses help with?

DH *can* do everything that needs to be done, and has. However, he works a LOT and I don't count on him to do anything on a regular basis, but his inability to sit still if he sees work that needs to be done ensures that he does plenty around the house. He changes the litter boxes and does the bills, and buys staples each week at Wal-Mart (I get produce and other specialty stuff elsewhere). He almost always does the trash. We have a lawn service. I do the car stuff, the dishes, the cooking (or not ), the laundry, the picking up, the homework-helping, the scheduling, the correspondence, and all of the kid running. We have a cleaning lady who comes for a day every other week. I don't do much (any) deep cleaning in between. He puts the kids to bed if he is home by then. He works 60 to 70 hours each week....this year I will be working about 25 hours a week. There is always something that needs to be done around here!

Sally

[Phoebe]

Re: so what all DO your med spouses help with?

Lately, he has been doing nothing including yardwork because he hasn't been home.

He generally helps out with whatever needs to be done. We don't have a concrete division of labor. His main job is the checkbook and bill paying. My main household job is the laundry. The rest is normally a tag team effort when schedule permitted.

Re: so what all DO your med spouses help with?

DH helps with pretty much everything and for that I am grateful. I am not a morning person whatsoever so he usually gets up with DS in the AM while the baby and I sleep in. He quickly learned that letting me sleep in makes for a much happier day for everyone.

[medpedspouse]

Re: so what all DO your med spouses help with?

As many of you have mentioned, DH pretty much does everything (if asked/reminded) IF he is home....well, except bill paying - I don't trust him with that because his schedule is such that the bills don't wait.

I have always worked full time - at one point also went to school full time while working, so - pretty much any job is fair game. The problem is that I happen to be available more often to do those fun jobs like toilets, showers, etc.

[Urowife]

Re: so what all DO your med spouses help with?

I clean the bathrooms and DH waters flowers (he's the only one who can keep them alive) and waters the lawn (the only outdoor work we have to do since we live in a condo). We tend to do our own laundry still, mostly because I don't trust him to do my laundry, and I haven't taken his on -- every time I look at his basket, it looks like there are 3 loads to be done, and I just can't be bothered That will change once I'm staying home. Right now, he actually gets home before me on most days (I've been working late A LOT), so I don't feel too guilty.

Other than that, we share most things: dishes, trash duty, cooking, vacuuming, even bills - he pays a couple of bills that he paid before we got married and he's just kept that up. In general, though, I keep track of our finances in Money, and I coordinate how much we put into savings, etc.

Re: so what all DO your med spouses help with?

DH takes care of the lawn mowing, kitchen garbage can only, and occasionally picks up the dog poop. That's about it. I get really resentful because I constantly feel like I'm cleaning or tidying the house. I start my full-time job in September and plan on putting up a chore list on the fridge that needs to get done each week. DH tends to get more things done when I'm not home so hopefully the busier I am with work, the more he'll pitch in.

He blames it on my anal retentiveness, which I need to take down a notch. I'm trying to bite my tongue if he folds the laundry and he didn't fold the towels quite the way I like it, and just appreciate that he folded the laundry in the first place, etc. I think that's kind of how he started to stop doing household stuff because I'd just end up re-doing it or telling him how he did it wrong.

[Meenah]

Re: so what all DO your med spouses help with?

Nothing!

[Tenacious_D]

Re: so what all DO your med spouses help with?

Before I quit my job, DH did most of the food shopping and would cook dinner almost every night....he loves to cook and is really good at it. I would take care of laundry and cleaning in general. He also takes out the trash and does all the handy work around the apartment.

Now that I am home, I have a pile of cookbooks next to me and I am going to try and learn how to cook meals on a consistent basis. It should be fun!!