Did anyone have a party to meet new neighbors after moving?

[Pollyanna]

You have a new neighbor though - you have them on all sides. Follow Jenn's advice and have the party. She's right - if they come, then great. If they don't, their loss.

Yes, this. I love to make people feel welcome as well but honestly life sometimes gets in the way. People are not trying to be rude or standoffish, they are just trying to live. Have the party and enjoy!!

[Phoebe]

Maybe your neighbors are waiting for someone like you to get things going. Maybe no one has taken initiative yet. What do you have to lose?

[Tenacious_D]

I am a little surprised that folks haven't come by or said hello on a walk yet... Especially if they have kids and dogs. I am just really nosy so would want to know who was moving in next door or across the street. If you want to meet them, then plan the party and invite some local friends and coworkers as buffers and enjoy yourselves.

[DCJenn]

The the design of the neighborhood has a huge impact- I live in one of the 'newer' homes on the street and it was built in 1907. It's a neighborhood designed for walking and socializing. You can't not see people. We also don't have garages or alleys so there's no "drive in, get out, go in, see no one" phenomenom, either.

Just do it. It may work, it may not but you'll never know unless you try.

Jenn

I agree with these other ladies. You seem like you really want to get to know everyone, and I'm sure people would love to meet you but it's hard to prioritize that with everything that is going on in people's daily lives. Just use that great personality and make the first step! I'm sure people will warm to the idea of bringing everyone together! Plus who doesn't like to eat! )

[BonBon]

I meet everyone through evening walks. Highly recommend them. I also blame the death of the front porch in the lack of neighborly relations.

So is the party definitely off? FWIW, I would go.

I meet everyone through evening walks. Highly recommend them. I also blame the death of the front porch in the lack of neighborly relations.

So is the party definitely off? FWIW, I would go.

Thanks--I appreciate that. I'm so exhausted from the renovations we've just completed that I don't even have the energy to think about planning a party. However, once I recover from this, I'll think about it again.

I agree--evening walks are great. We just haven't really had time to do that, with moving, unpacking, and now renovations. We say hi to everyone we see, but still have not met one right next door neighbor at all, besides some waves, which kind of bothers me.

I'm starting to feel that we don't fit into the neighborhood. This week both DH and I felt that we were given the cold shoulder by some neighbors. We both feel that it's because we're the only couple in the neighborhood that doesn't have kids. That's all the neighbors really know about us but it already seems to be an "issue" from the way they're relating to us. I'm not sure what to do.

[ladymoreta]

Had you talked to them before? If not, my first guess is that they didn't want to bother you. Unless you've previously had a conversation that went poorly, I'd guess it wasn't intentional. People generally don't put that much effort into avoiding someone they don't know.

Had you talked to them before? If not, my first guess is that they didn't want to bother you. Unless you've previously had a conversation that went poorly, I'd guess it wasn't intentional. People generally don't put that much effort into avoiding someone they don't know.

To clarify--we feel we were given the cold shoulder this week by the neighbors we did talk to this week, and we feel the reason is b/c we're the only couple who doesn't have kids in the neighborhood.

[oceanchild]

Give it time. I don't know where you are, but I can tell you that when I was in DC, it felt like people who had been there a long time had no interest in being friends with me. What I eventually realized was that people in my age group tended to come to DC for a few years to build their career and then move on. I think long-timers were wary about people like me, that we were just going to leave in a few years. Which was in fact what I did, so perhaps they had a point.

Anyway, people may be wary at first because they don't know you or what your plans are. Keep being friendly, and be patient. It's the best you can do.

I'm starting to feel that we don't fit into the neighborhood. This week both DH and I felt that we were given the cold shoulder by some neighbors. We both feel that it's because we're the only couple in the neighborhood that doesn't have kids. That's all the neighbors really know about us but it already seems to be an "issue" from the way they're relating to us. I'm not sure what to do.

I'm so sorry. I got that a lot, too, when we COULDN'T have kids. It was awful. No one even seemed to try to relate to us.

It seems like you should still try to do your outdoor party, and maybe emphasize kids' activities, like sidewalk chalk, bubbles, or something fun and not too messy. I wouldn't put flyers in mailboxes (illegal?), but maybe stick them on doors. If there's any way to talk to a few neighbors before you put up the flyers (or even before you plan the date), that could help with getting people to buy in to the idea - especially if they had some ideas that you use. You might have to knock on a couple doors to see if people are up for a party.

Or, if you don't want to do the party, you could look for ways to ask their help with little things. I'm trying to think of what... Ask about their plants/landscaping? We got to know one neighbor better when I had the hood to the car up and obviously looked lost. (Thankfully, it was something that took 30 seconds to fix, and the guy felt like he had done something good that day.)

On second thought... you could start smaller. When we moved here, we just called up a neighbor & invited the family over. Start with anyone you've happened to meet, or knock on the next door neighbor's door. Find out the ages of the kids, have your house totally toddler-proofed, and have an age-appropriate toy or two. You could bring up the idea of a party & see what they think.

I'm so sorry. I got that a lot, too, when we COULDN'T have kids. It was awful. No one even seemed to try to relate to us.

Or, if you don't want to do the party, you could look for ways to ask their help with little things. I'm trying to think of what... Ask about their plants/landscaping? We got to know one neighbor better when I had the hood to the car up and obviously looked lost. (Thankfully, it was something that took 30 seconds to fix, and the guy felt like he had done something good that day.)

Thanks for your response--yes, I have been doing this--complimenting neighbors on their landscaping and asking for tips--because we have never had a yard before and I don't know the first thing about gardening, and I really want to know how to start gardening and what to plant. People do seem to respond to that. However, it seems negated as soon as they ask if we have kids and we say no and then we feel this "divide" and then their tone changes completely. Then we feel we start getting the cold shoulder and the conversation is quickly over.

So why do you think people didn't want to relate to you when you didn't have kids? Now that you're a parent do you have any insight into this? As a parent would you be interested in reaching out to a couple without kids? I'm just trying to figure out what they might be thinking, and why they are so disinterested/cold to us. They don't know anything about us, so that's why I'm thinking it's the kids issue. They don't know what DH does, so it's not that.

I honestly don't know. The only things I can think are 1) people without kids have a lot more freedom, so people WITH kids think they won't be able to go do all the things you'd want to do (or vice versa - would you want to hang out at the park with a mom & her kids?), 2) it gives parents a break when kids can go play together/entertain each other, but parents aren't necessarily comfortable sending kids off with a childless couple, 3) parents are afraid their kids will be a nuisance/tear things apart.
I know for me, when we invited a couple over who couldn't have kids, I didn't know whether it was painful for them to see our kids. Our kids crawled ALL OVER them, and we had to rescue them.

In this case, it might actually help for them to know what your DH does. It could make you seem safer.

Next time you get a chance to talk to anyone about gardening or whatever, I'd jump on it and invite them for dinner on a specific date. Don't let their hesitations put an end to the relationship.