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Everybody's favorite: Lawyer jokes

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  • Everybody's favorite: Lawyer jokes

    >1. The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps. They had
    >pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side
    >to spit on.
    >2. How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future
    >lawyer? She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.
    >3. How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, and
    >then he lies on the other.
    >4. How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. The rest are
    >true stories.
    >5. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How
    >many can you afford?
    >6. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    >Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the
    >ladder company.
    >7. If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you
    >could save only one of them. Would you go to lunch or read the paper?
    >8. What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue.
    >9. What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet.
    >10.What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator.
    >11.What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your honor.
    >12.What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners.
    >13.What does a lawyer use for birth control? His personality.
    >14. What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer? Nothing. There
    >are some things a pig won't do.
    >15. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The
    >lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
    >16. What's another difference between a lawyer and a
    >vulture? Removable wing tips.
    >17.Why does California have the most lawyers in the country while New
    >Jersey has the most toxic waste sites? New Jersey got first choice.
    >18.What do you get if you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked
    >politician? Chelsea Clinton
    In my dreams I run with the Kenyans.

  • #2
    Those are good! And I lauged out loud at the last one.
    Married to a hematopathologist seven years out of training.
    Raising three girls, 11, 9, and 2.

    “That was the thing about the world: it wasn't that things were harder than you thought they were going to be, it was that they were hard in ways that you didn't expect.”
    Lev Grossman, The Magician King

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    • #3
      That was hilarious, I laughed out loud at several also. I think I'll send that to my sister (she just married a lawyer whose dad is a judge, so they should get a kick out of that!).
      Awake is the new sleep!

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      • #4
        Re: Everybody's favorite: Lawyer jokes

        Originally posted by "kmbsjbcgb
        >4. How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. The rest are
        >true stories.

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