Top Ten--How NOT to support your spouse's career

[houseelf]

Let's have some fun by listing how we have been...oh...less than helpful to our spouses' careers over the years.

1. At a social function, lose inhibitions and tell DH's colleagues that you think that the majority of surgeons are egocentric and narrowminded bores. (We haven't done ANYTHING with someone from the program since I inadvertantly let this little zinger slip at a Memorial Day party. )
2. When DH starts talking about some "fabulous" fellowship, your response is "I don't fu**ing think so."
3. And the one I'm most ashamed of......While DH is on call on Fathers' Day, call him to pick a fight about how selfish he is and how this lifestyle sucks for you.

O.K., now let's fess up. What have you done on your evil days to not support your spouses' careers?

Kelly

Very funny, Kelly.

When fellowship was still being considered, I supportively suggested finding out more on programs on the West Coast....to shorten his commute.

I'm sure that a certain someone could help me think of some more. Oh, like suggesting that he take his time going to the hospital since we live closer than most the residents. Isn't there a "live closer" bonus 15 minutes?

But really, you gotta draw a line somewhere or the training could go on forever. I realized the other day that DH is a PGY5 R2. But I'm supportive and I don't point out that sort of thing.

[Auspicious]

I share all my residency application worries with him in a way that only compounds his own.

"How come these two people haven't done their LORs for you yet?"
"I don't know!"
"Aren't these the same two who offered without being asked?"
"Yes!"
"Wow . . . they could really screw you here."
"I know!"


Is torture easier when it's shared?

[migirl]

Here are my make-me-proud moments:

(1) On a Friday night that DH was supposed to be home early enough to go out to dinner at a normal time, he calls and says that he has to cover one of the senior residents who had to leave to take care of some personal business. DH is pissed off enough as it is at being taken advantage of and having to stay late, but I let him have it about how he should have seen this coming (b/c said senior resident is a manipulative jackass who does this kind of thing all the time) and I could have made other plans rather than sitting around waiting for him.

(2) DH comes to me all excited and says, "I just thought of a great topic for a research paper" to which I say "That's nice, but that doesn't mean you have to tell me about it." (I've just had too many conversations where he uses terminology that means nothing to me and I just end up nodding and thinking about my grocery list.)

(3) When he talks about going away (from Michigan) for fellowship, I say, "Great, let me know how it is when you get there."

And these are just the ones off the top of my head! I'm sure I can come up with more, just give me a few more minutes...

[DCJenn]

At the only neurologist function they've ever had, I pointed out that in my years of social serivces, "all of the psychiatrists and neurologists are freaky wierdos." (But it's TRUE!)

Jenn

[SueC]

I've pointed out to him that his friends that didn't go to med school have been climbing the corporate ladder all these years and are now making bank.

Boy have I become the queen of unsupportive since DH told me we will be in training for a total of 9 years and moving every 2 years for the next 7 years.
Here's some of my wicked schemes:

Among a group of other surgery residents/attendings say "Does this hospital want my first born too? How much more will they take from us?"

Tell DH's parents that they will have to pay for the upcoming costly moves we will have to make because DH wants to train for FOREVER and I can't find a job because we move every 2 years. I did this hoping his dad would talk some sense into him.


Point out a new, expensive bicycle on the internet that DH REALLY wants and say "Well, if you would get out and start making some money you could have this bike!"

Quote all the stories and comments from spouses on medicalspouse.com who are further along in training and say "See what hell they are going through? Is that what you really want?"

Say things like "but you love the outdoors, do you really want to spend the rest of your waking hours in a cold, windowless operating room? "

[Flynn]

These are all over two years old BUT they are awful and I take full responsibility for them....


When talking about "how much better it will be in a couple of years" I looked right at him and said, "by then we won't have a marriage unless you make some changes NOW."

Telling my DH that under NO TERMS will my children (emphasis on MY) will NEVER marry a surgeon.

When DH has gotten jealous of my dog in the past I didn't miss a beat to inform him that my darling Labrador
1.) was there for me emotinally more than DH
2.) always listened
3.) liked to be with me
4.) and has spent more time with me than DH

[Auspicious]

Oh, and I've disabused people of their doctor fetish, sometimes even while they're in the middle of fawning over my husband and how wooooonderful it is that he's becoming a dooooocccter! (Often people from his hometown.) Not that my husband and his accomplishments aren't admirable, but let's not get all starry-eyed about it, hmm?

[Vishenka69]

This is fun. Back in college, I was still pretty naive and helped to fill out application that covered most of the East Coast. In med school, I finally wised up and put my foot down. :>

When DH would start about some amazing program outside my imposed comfort radius, I told him to fill out the application himself if it was so wonderful (as he's technology challenged and a bad speller...) Years later he still bring up the fact that he ended up in his 5th choice because I refused to move.

Then during 3rd year (when were engaged), my mantra was "If you're thinking of a surgical residency, I won't stand in your way and go pack my stuff right now."

But now after all these years of being virtually "single" and on my own, I miss having time to myself and keep asking him why he has so little weekend calls, because I want the car to go see friends/shopping.

[Amiens]

"What do you mean you are on-call again??"

"I guess if you only got an hour of sleep last night you can go and take a nap."


Crystal