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Another med school girlfriend

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  • Another med school girlfriend

    Hi, I'm Julie. My boyfriend finished his PhD at the beginning of August, moved in with me in the middle of August, and started med school at the end of August. I've actually been lurking on the board for several months in preparation for our big "transition into the medical world," and I can't begin to tell you how helpful it's been to me.

    Our relationship started looking potentially permanent right about the time that he was going on med school interviews, and I come from a background where pretty much every adult I knew worked 9 to 5. I was feeling pretty lost when I realized I'd fallen for a guy who was involved in both medicine and the military--two worlds I knew almost nothing about and didn't even know whom I could ask. I had a vague idea that residency was a killer and that there were rumors that doctors have high divorce rates, but that was about it. I finally said to him, "I know that people DO this--that there are people happily married to doctors, but I just know nothing about HOW they do it. What are their lives like? What's important to making that situation work?" Plus, since I'm 27 and he's 31 and he's starting med school now, if we want to have kids the old fashioned way somewhere down the road, it's probably going to have to be before he's done with training. The thought was more than a little daunting. And then I stumbled upon this board within a few days, and all the issues that had been whirling around in my head were being discussed by others, and I felt much better. It's amazing how things work out that way. Since then many of our conversations about the future have included the phrase "Well on the medspouse board they say . . ."

    Anyway, he's safely in med school now and things are going fairly well, so thanks for all your advice so far, even if you didn't realize you were giving it.
    Julie
    Married to a hematopathologist seven years out of training.
    Raising three girls, 11, 9, and 2.

    “That was the thing about the world: it wasn't that things were harder than you thought they were going to be, it was that they were hard in ways that you didn't expect.”
    Lev Grossman, The Magician King

  • #2
    Welcome

    Hi Julie-

    Well, we ARE fabulous! (haha) I"m glad we could be of assistance. I too, find myself saying "well, my friend on the Medical Spouse Board..." to the point that one of my husband's co-workers wants to join just so she can be a part of us!

    Welcome aboard.

    Jenn

    Comment


    • #3
      How...

      Julie,

      The how part....I guess it is all about finding a way to adjust to the changes and each peron here does things a bit differently. There are stay-at-home moms who use the time that hubby is gone to devote to raising children, there are working women who have thrown themselves into their careers...their are moms who stay at home and work part-time...moms or non-moms who are taking classes and finishing their own degrees....

      Survival is all about finding what works for you. At first, the time that they spend away feels really bad. I remember that during my husband's internship year, I was miserable because I missed him and I felt overwhelmed. I started taking a class a semester to just carve a little place out for myself...and lo and behold, by the end of his fellowship I'd managed a master's degree....at the time it felt like a door had closed...but in reality, a new door of opportunity for me had opened.

      So...my hubby finished residency/fellowship last year and we have 3 small children (2nd grade, 1st grade and preschool). I just started teaching a college lab class.

      I look forward to learning more about you..this process can be stressful, but it IS doable....

      I wonder what opportunities are going to come your way!

      kris
      ~Mom of 5, married to an ID doc
      ~A Rolling Stone Gathers No Moss

      Comment


      • #4
        Welcome,
        I'm glad you found us. As I have said before, anything you go through someone here has been through it already or is going through it with you!!
        I didn't go through the school process with my husband, we have only been married two years (almost). He has been in private practice for 15+ years. This is a second marriage for both of us (reference your high divorce rate comment!!!). You have to find what works for you, and everyone here has different ways of coping. This website has been a tremendous help to me, as I know it will be for you. I look forward to getting to know you.
        Luanne
        Luanne
        wife, mother, nurse practitioner

        "You have not converted a man because you have silenced him." (John, Viscount Morely, On Compromise, 1874)

        Comment


        • #5
          Hi,

          I am glad you found us! I had so many questions at the beginning of this journey, much like you, and I had NO ONE to ask! So I try to do my part to make sure no one has to "suffer" like I did.

          My husband and I have been married for twelve years, through most of his college, all of med school, and residency (OB/GYN, which we did at Lackland Air Force Base in San Antonio). He is now through with training, and we are paying our "debt" to the Air Force in north Texas -- a little less than three years to go! We have three boys, aged 7, 4, and 1. Honestly, I can't believe that things have worked out for us as well as they have, but that is not to say that it hasn't been hard at times. I agree with the others who have posted that everyone has to find their own way through all of the craziness, but if we can help you navigate, we are happy to share our stories and ways of coping.

          I look forward to getting to know you better!

          Sally
          Wife of an OB/Gyn, mom to three boys, middle school choir teacher.

          "I don't know when Dad will be home."

          Comment


          • #6
            Hi Julie-

            Welcome! My boyfriend just started med school this fall (end of August) as well. I'm also 27.

            I know exactly what you mean. Before I started regularly posting to this board, I lurked for awhile reading posts and found much comfort and comraderie from other members of this supportive community.

            Look forward to getting to know you...
            Sharon

            Comment


            • #7
              Julie,

              A belated welcome to the board. I had to giggle when you wrote about starting conversations by "well...on the medical spouses' board...". I can't tell you how many times this phrase has been bandied about in our household! I'm happy that you have found us. We are here for you.

              Kelly
              In my dreams I run with the Kenyans.

              Comment


              • #8
                Julie,
                You are telling my story.......YIKES! I met my husband three years ago while he was on active duty in the Navy. A good friend of mine set us up and we have been where you are now. We lived in many places befor he even applied to schools. After the nightmare called MCATS and the interview process I thought I had seen all of his sides and then he was a 1st year 8O !!! I am 29 and my husband is 30 we are waiting to have children until he is out if school. We have worked some of the bugs out . The one thing that works for us is talking, we make it a point to talk every day. We also have dates we will schedule a date and stick to it. As far as the military goes I must be crazy but I love it! This board has been great! I have received A LOT of good advice as well. I'ts nice to see other 1st year spouses.

                Tera
                [/img]

                Comment


                • #9
                  Thanks for the welcome everyone! I appreciate all the responses, and look forward to getting to know you all.
                  Married to a hematopathologist seven years out of training.
                  Raising three girls, 11, 9, and 2.

                  “That was the thing about the world: it wasn't that things were harder than you thought they were going to be, it was that they were hard in ways that you didn't expect.”
                  Lev Grossman, The Magician King

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Hee hee! "Hi, I have a boyfriend and no idea what I'm doing! "

                    *Sigh* . . . life is fun.
                    Married to a hematopathologist seven years out of training.
                    Raising three girls, 11, 9, and 2.

                    “That was the thing about the world: it wasn't that things were harder than you thought they were going to be, it was that they were hard in ways that you didn't expect.”
                    Lev Grossman, The Magician King

                    Comment

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