New and Going thru the Chief Year of NeuroSurg

Nice to meet you to Marissa. I saw your blog, keep it up its very nice.

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New and Going thru the Chief Year of NeuroSurg

Welcome!

Thanks ladies! Tonight it's just me and the dog. My NSG has a case that could go 30 hours: poor patient. I think i may find a chick flick and relax.

Before he left I packed him 3 days worth of breakfast, lunch, and dinner: so tonight was nice not to have to cook anything

Btw I love that I can access the mobile version for my phone.

[L.Jane]

sounds like we have a similar night (J is on call). Except its me and the cat (I wish it was a dog!) and instead of chick flick, its bad TV and So You Think You Can Dance. I hope you have a relaxing night!

[DCJenn]

Welcome!

My husband is Army- he's a child neurologist currently doing a fellowship in neurophysiology (aka seizures) back in DC while the kiddo and I are lounge comfortably at home in Texas.

You're way nicer than I ever was when I was the 'non-wife'- packing meals? I think my husband subsisted on the PB & J they kept in the call room!

Anyway, you've found the right place. We do have a military section that's rather dormant right now- we usually pick up steam when it's assignments time and people have questions about bases, etc.

Jenn

[v-girl]

Welcome!!

sounds like we have a similar night (J is on call). Except its me and the cat (I wish it was a dog!) and instead of chick flick, its bad TV and So You Think You Can Dance. I hope you have a relaxing night!

Jane: Yeah it wasn't too bad. I ended up watching Men of Honor, which always gets me lol. I left my NSG a message and went to bed around 11pm. Around 1am I woke up suddenly, and saw there was a light on in the bathroom and the dog was missing. I thought I dreaming at first, but I wasn't. They staged his case, so they did 16hrs and closed, then are back at it again today. There he was sitting in the kitchen petting the dog. I was so happy! He on the other hand looked exhausted, and was kinda just stuck on the chair in zombie mode, quietly chatting with me, and answering txt messages at the same time. I coaxed him to bed, and eventually he fell asleep. It is just me, but does my NSG talk about random things when he's exhausted? lol. He starts talking about how he was thinking today about how we should buy a house instead of renting to we move to our next duty station. Random. He laid down into bed like a child in an unfamiliar place, and took awhile for him to feel comfortable enough to fall asleep. Then off again he was at 5am, tired and another long day ahead. I must say, even though our physical interaction was minimal and our conversation quiet: I was so happy he came home to sleep just a few hours in our bed. How was your night? What kind of cat do you have? How is your communication when he on call? Does it vary with the type of night or how tired he is?

Jenn: Where's he doing the fellowship at? I have a few neurologist friends Navy and Army in the DC, MD area. How has it been being an Army Wife, and a Doctor's Wife all at the same time? What challenges do you face? I did see the military section, but nothing in it. Are you guys at Fort Sam? I spend some time there myself a few years back. As for the packing of his food: Yeah, I probably seem crazy lol. But I get up every morning with him, pack his bag, pack his breakfast and lunch, see him out the door: and when he comes home, I have dinner and I greet him at the door. I know that I can't do much for him when he's at work: and stressed out of his mind; but these things I do make things easier for him, and help him maintain better eating habits, and keep him more even keeled. He used to not eat anything and go into surgery all day, and feel awful during the cases. Now he feels pretty good and when he have a 5 or 15 mins break to eat, he doesn't have to run to the fast food or subway to grab a bite, he can just eat in his office ; and that makes me happy knowing in some small way, I have helped him get thru his day. But before me, he was eating God knows what, and fast food like crazy!! I think he practically lived at Subway, McDonald's, Popeyes, and what ever the nurses had out. Thanks for the warm welcome!!

[L.Jane]

When J is on call I typically text him to say goodnight. If he is able to, he will either text back or call. This rotation the call has been brutal so its not often he can get back to me. When he was on call on Sunday I took him up dinner. He had about 15 minutes that he got to hang with me for dinner. In that time the phone rang three times. (He has a phone he carts around along with his pager when on call) I know its a slow night when he calls me because he is bored.

I don't think the things your guy is talking about are necessarily random. It sounds more like its the stuff that is going through his mind all day and while its the wee hours of the morning, its the first time he has to bounce them off you, so he does. But that's just my thoughts. I could be wrong.

When J hits the bed, he is OUT. The boy can fall asleep sitting straight up on the couch with the computer AND Cat in his lap. This is the typical until I force him to move to the bed (at which he says, I wasn't asleep. Yeah right) Cat is a black and white (tuxedo).

I think that great you guys are working so well together to maximize the little bit of time you have. Some days he'll text me updates or call for 2 min check in, and days like the past 2 weeks, I see him when he leaves, and get the txt when he's heading home.

You are probably right, I know that his mind is always going: and he probably just wants to let me in on what has been on his mind. I always find it interesting, I tend to think about the day to day things and upcoming plans; and he tends to think about our future. I think it's probably a mix of having something to set his gaze on after his residency, and something positive to keep getting thru each day. I really admire that. I tend to be more positive: e.g.: He tells me he has a long case probably won't make it home. I say: Well let's hope you do, you never know it could finish early. His response: No, probably not, I'm gonna have to stay the night there is a PA on. lol I mean it's not verbatim but you get the idea. I think sometimes he just can't allow himself to think the better of the situation, because he is usually disappointment. It's like that comment someone wrote earlier, "that go ahead and live your life, and if he show up thats a plus " Well he is just in survival mode. I try to keep positive and say hey, this year is going to fly by; but he says, he can't afford to relax in anyway, because that's how mistakes are made, and a false hope that you can't get fired...he always lives in the graver side: not willingly to let himself get to comfortable. I think that must be hard to live like that every day. We used to get into squibble fights because I would be like, "well if you get free time I'll come and visit for a few minutes." He would be like, "what free time." like implying he wasn't working. I sometimes wish I could be a fly in the hospital and see what his day entails. He always tell me, I'll have no idea what residency is like, until it's my turn to go thru with it. Only then will I see that you have to sacrifice something of yourself to survive.

lol. How is his 3rd year going? Does he plan to specialize anything? I'm sure he is very glad to have you usher him to a more comfortable sleep ( even if he wasn't sleeping ). What's been his hardest rotation for you guys? How do you occupy your time? Do you have a close network of family or friends that keep you sane?

I miss having a cat: we have a blue and white dog. If he wasn't there, I think the house would seem very empty. It's funny to think how there was one time when I was living alone, no pets, just me. There are things I miss about that, (mostly just having myself to clean up after) but the difference is that I may miss things about that lifestyle, but it's my life now, with him, that I can't live without.

[SuzySunshine]

I did see the military section, but nothing in it. Are you guys at Fort Sam? I spend some time there myself a few years back.

When you enter a section it only shows threads from the last month, you'll have to change the setting toward the bottom of the page to see older threads.

I, like MarissaNicole, am on the other side of the equation, my husband just started his intern year in NSG. 39 days of call!!! Yikes! We just got done with a week of Q2 and it was brutal. And alas, despite being given the day off he is back at the hospital this afternoon finishing up paperwork. Your call nights sound like mine, me and the dogs on the couch and bad tv! My husband talks about kind of odd stuff post-call, but I think that L.Jane is right, it's what has been floating around in his head all day. The oddest thing is that my husband rarely remembers what he says post-call (he doesn't get ANY sleep), or what he does, he keeps telling me he dreams about eating meatloaf and I have to show him the dirty dishes in the sink to make him believe that it actually happened!!! In any event, you've found the right place to vent and get advice from people who really know what they are talking about, the few weeks that I have been a member of the site have been tremendously helpful. Welcome!

[DCJenn]

Hey Pebbles-

Yep- ordinarily he worked at Wilford Hall (peds was based there) but with the BRAC they just moved them all over to BAMC. Now, he's at WRAMC and Children's National Medical Center. We (me, child, pets) however, are still smack dab in the middle of downtown San Antonio because they will pry my hands from my door frame before we leave here. (even tho I'm DCJenn- I grew up there and at some point I changed my name because I do love it there)

Jenn

Lol Jenn. See we are the opposite. I have been to San Antonio and find it a lovely place. But we are more Citified I guess lol. We want to live a a big Metropolis and San Antonio isn't quite our first pick. But I can understand finding a place you love and never wanting to leave. I really loved the missions and open ranges of San Antonio, and breathtaking landscapes. How often do you visit DC?

Mrs BrainSurgeon: I totally am with you. Days off don't mean a thing in our house. This past weekend has been the only weekend when he hasn't been on call that he didn't have to go in to the hospital. Lucky for us Academics was canceled, which opened up our Sunday. This stuff never happens. Now that doesn't mean he's not answering emails, txt message, or fielding phone calls. But it's the best weekend we have had in a while. Mind you...because we just finished a hellish 2 weeks and 30hour cases and etc, my stress issues built up and we discusses/fought about them on Friday night and Sunday afternoon. Needless to say, it was mostly venting on both parts with no real resolution.

I don't like hearing,"I'm just gonna have to deal with it" "this is survival mode" and see that I don't take center stage for the next 10.5 months. Though from reading on here, I see that I may just be unrealistic in thinking that his primary thoughts are on me, because the truth is they are on him getting through his days. It's not an easy pill to swallow. I know I should be more understanding, but I feel like I need attention too. It's gonna be a rough year, the Chief NS for two hospitals, no admin. I think the talk was good, even if just to hear each other's side. I guess he's right. Survival. I think I may have start taking some of the advice on here more seriously. I may need to really start engaging myself in my own thing. It seems like it might be the only way for me to give him the "alone/decompress" time he needs, while I'm not feeling so alone and lost during it all. Sometimes it take getting things out, even if it's not what you want to hear. Plus, it gives each other a chance to reconcile and try to move forward without holding all those feelings inside. I needed to hear why he has trouble or he can't give me the things I am asking for at the times I'm asking for it: it has helped me have a better perspective of what he is doing and the pressures and stressors of his job. Because he's not one to complain, it can be hard to know.

Thanks to all these ladies post an blogs, I know that I am not alone. Thank you all. Because some days are great...some are terrible. We grow stronger thru each struggle.

[DCJenn]

Ah, well, I'm a true city girl myself- I live smack dab in the middle of downtown San Antonio, and we have a house in DC four blocks off the Mall. No, the reason I love SA is the neighborhood- anywhere else and I'd be killing myself to get out of here. If you've been to the Riverwalk or the Tower of the Americas you've been right in my 'hood. (Lavaca- right next to the King William District and without the tourists.) The suburbs of San Antonio suck FAR worse than the suburbs of just about anywhere else.

The only place I would TRULY have to think twice about going is Ft. Bliss. For reasons known only to the Army, they still have a Child Neurology slot there. (and shockingly no one wants to go to lovely El Paso for three years...)

Jenn

[Eastwest]

Hi,

Sounds brutal. My husband is a NSG PGY1 and I already have trouble with the hours. We have been married for awhile already and been through med school and research, but even I am being challenged! Hang in there and try not to take it personally. Hobbies, good books and gardening have been my coping mechanisms so far.