New - Husband to an M3

Geez,

Don't know where to start. Married for over 6 years to an M3, she was a non-traditional student that was a waitress when we were dating, then a paralegal, then onto med school.
Luckily, she got into a med school in the town of which we met and already lived (Chicago). We're both in our early 30's and I've been gainfully employed in finance since graduating college. No children.
Onto the dirt, we've had an extremely difficult go around relationship wise since admission to med school. She has been apathetic at best towards me and we are basically roommates at this point. I am no longer her go to person for anything good or bad, we just cross paths a couple times during the week.
Is my situation unique?

[SoonerTexan]

Welcome--you came to the right place! I think you'll find lots of people on here who experienced something similar and can give you good advice. I'm newly married to an MS1 and after just two weeks, I want to throw his books through a window

Hi Hunter, welcome. I'm also married to a med student who took a somewhat circuitous route. Med school changed a lot of things about our relationship; I know it can be difficult. I'm sorry you're not connecting. At the risk of sounding trite, have you tried talking to your wife about your situation?

I hope you find a lot of support here.

[madeintaiwan]

Welcome Hunter! I am sorry for your struggles. You are definitely not alone. There are a few male members around here, those have experienced exactly what you speak of. Hopefully, one will pop in.

Welcome Hunter! This a great place to find support! Sometimes when they are going thru new situations, they are still trying to figure things out and survive! This is where I find that the communication can be come a bit off. I think keeping your communication open and trying to talk with her on how you feel is a great way to keep connected. Medicine is a challenge for both of you. I always remind my SO when he's gets on his "me kicks" hey, we are in this together. . He may be going thru the residency, but I am going thru my own version of it on the home front You'll find this is a great place where you can get a lot support and understanding! Hope to learn more about you!

[medpedspouse]

Hi Hunter! Welcome!! Not alone. There have been times, as a med spouse, I have felt like a roommate (at best) - sometimes maid/assistant (at worst) during our medical marriage. Vent away - you are not alone at all.

[v-girl]

Welcome! I remember feeling like the breadwinner and nanny at the same time that year. It's a tough one for sure!

[diggitydot]

Welcome to the crapfest, Hunter. Hang in there and feel free to vent. We get it.

On bad rotations, I looked bitterly on people at work who announced they were expecting a baby - not because I want kids, but because it's evidence that someone's getting laid!

lol We don't have rotations anymore, but a really stressful work week, and I'm right there with you!! I'm glad I'm not alone! *giggles*

[diggitydot]

Reason #17,273,645,372,828 why I heart LSW.

[MarissaNicole]

and nice to meet you!

[HouseofWool]

Welcome Hunter. M3 is a big adjustment and you are not that far into it. The clinical rotations can throw their sense of self completely out of whack. I am really sorry that you are experiencing this and hopefully it will get better as she gets into the swing of clinicals.

Welcome! This is defiantly the best place to ask questions and vent.

Hmm, this sounds rough- I'm sorry it's been hard for you! Honestly it sounds like you really need to talk about this and you might even want to see a counselor- just for a little relationship health check-up, you know? Because even with med school, it doesn't sound good to me that she's apathetic and basically like a roommate- marriage is hard work and even with school it should be a top priority- for both of you. It sounds like she might be overwhelmed and forgetting her responsibilities to you- which might be fine if it was for a few months during a rough rotation but if this has been going on longer than that, I hope you can try to get her to open up about it. I hope it gets better for you!

[DCJenn]

Third year is when they actually have to start behaving like doctors and it can throw them for a loop. I started dating my husband during third year and it was probably a good thing he was gone doing rotations for most of 3rd and 4th year.

Deal with it now because it's only going to get worse- we've all been punching bags (hopefully just figurative ones) at times and we can all tell you specific times, dates and places we've had to remove the good dawkter's head from their arse. They also suck at communication for the most part, from what I've seen in my 10 years on this site. (and yes, ten years and that alone should tell you something!)

Welcome aboard- we're glad to have you.

Jenn