New to the site

Hello all!

My name is Stefanie and I just joined the site. I found this site while googleing "dating a med student" and it turned up a lot of rather dismal forcasts. I then found this site and would really like to be a part of it.

A little about me:
I am not yet married to a med student, but its all in the future plans, which is why I started to look into it more. I knew it was going to be hard, but now I am beginning to worry about how hard.
I am currently a student at PSU and my boyfriend of almost three years is a student at UNC. We are in a long distance relationship which is already hard enough, but now med school has been added to the mix which isnt making anything easier. Don't get me wrong I love him and he's worth the wait but its becoming harder. He goes to school and studies sleeps and eats, thats about it and on top of that doesnt feel that he has ten min to spare to focus on our phone conversation. I have heard that this isnt abnormal but it makes me worry. Even when I graduate and move back home to be with him will it even change? Will living together make it at all better? When he is finally a doctor does the amount of work slow down at all? I assume doctors need to continue learning throughout their careers. I guess I am worried about our future, I just don't know if I'm cut out for it, but I would do anything to be with him. Is there anyway of knowing? Does everyone have these thoughts? I really can't imagine my life without him...


So now that you all know my story, Hello! Nice to meet you and can't wait to talk to you!

[SoonerTexan]

Welcome!

[ladymoreta]

Welcome! You're not alone in having those questions and concerns. Medicine is never an easy road, and doctors will have less time with their families than most other professions, but as you'll hear, there are some great husbands and fathers on here in every specialty, so it's do-able. Looking forward to getting to know you!

[scrub-jay]

Welcome. Your concerns are normal, medicine being difficult is a given, but how your SO handles it is completely dependent on his own personality. LM is right - there are many great medical professionals on here who are excellent spouses and parents despite the schedule.

[medpedspouse]

Glad you found us. It is because of IMSN that I was able to bear the training years and now attendinghood. We are a pretty blunt group and will never paint it rosy BUT we will be there for you and your BF/spouse. As far as when things get easier or harder, it depends on many factors like specialty, moves, family/financial issues or even children, etc. Post often....there's no question you can post that someone has not already lived through and can provide support to you.

[L.Jane]

Hello. I came into the game later, 4th year of med school and then we did long distance the first year of residency, so I understand the difficulties. It really does depend on you and your guy and the effort the two of you (not just one) puts into it. This site is great for answering any questions you have and giving support. Med school, residency, life, is tough and this community makes it a bit easier. At least it helps one to feel like they aren't alone.

Welcome to IMSN. I have to tell you that medical school is hard, but I believe it will be worth it. During my husbands first year of medical school we were separated. He was in Arizona and I was in Oregon. We skyped, but it was usually only for a few minutes because he barely had time to sleep. His second year he moved back to Oregon to finish his rotations. The second year was much like the first. HOWEVER, third year is so much better. We still barely see him but he does not seem so stressed. The best thing is to cherish the time they are able to spend with you. Welcome

[diggitydot]

Welcome to the crapfest, Stefanie!

Stress and workload will ebb and flow over the course of your SO's career in medicine, but it will never recede to what non-med peeps would consider "normal". He has entered a world where normal hovers around 80-100 hours of work each week and a slow week is 60 hours.

Keeping your own sanity intact while the hoary bitch of medicine consumes your loved one isn't for the faint hearted. But when things get dicey and your head is near combustion level, come post and we'll help talk you off the ledge. This group is filled with funny, smart, amazing peeps.

Again, welcome to the group. Glad you're here.

[MarissaNicole]

Being a medical spouse involves lots of growth and overcoming many challenges that are unique to the the medical field. You learn to adjust to change, move, adapt, roll with the punches, etc. A big part of it is your spouse learning to balance everything, and you learning to accept that it won't be as easy as being married to someone with a M-F 9-5 job.

The great thing about this forum is that we "get it" and you'll find someone who has been in your shoes even when it feels like no one else could possibly understand. We all manage to somehow make it work, and I think that many of us would say that we don't love our spouses because they are doctors/med students, we love them despite of it. And that we put up with all the challenges related to the medical field because we love our spouses and cannot imagine our lives without them.

It's not always easy, but it's definitely doable, and sometimes its nice to know that other people have been there, done that, and survived.

[v-girl]

Welcome!

[MDPhDWife]

Glad you found us.

Welcome! Yes, a relationship with a doctor comes with a special set of challenges. Before I married my med student, I definitely had a lot of doubts about how I could handle it all. Then I went and married him anyway. We haven't seen the worst of the training years yet, but seem to stumble into some kind of workable balance one step at a time. It's not necessarily a "normal" family life, but I kind of like it. You're smart to ask yourself hard questions though about what you want for your future. Stick around here and you'll get a very honest view of what it's like to put up with a doctor in all phases of a medical career.

I look forward to getting to know you. What are you studying in school? Is your boyfriend a first year?

Thank you all for your supportive and honest welcomes

My boyfriend is currently in his last year of premed, which I honestly wouldn't be as hard as it already is. I had this illusion that when we is a MED student and is done with undergrad it would get intense He is a workaholic though because he feels the need to "catch up." He decided later in life then most that he wants to be a doctor, he is currently 25 about to turn 26 and is very worried about not making it in the field. What he doesn't realize is that he is smart and dedicated and someone somewhere will accept him into med school, but I feel that insecurity is kinda part of the game here.
Out biggest issue right now is balancing his school work and our communication, and I worry because I feel like it will only get harder when he is in Med School. I will however be in the state zip code as him then and hope that will help.

Again thank you all for the warm welcome, I was really starting to worry about my future (as you will soon learn I think about plans long in advance) and what it would entail being with a Med student, and its helped to see that I'm not the only one with all these worries, and that I have people here who have been through it all

[medpedspouse]

You are absolutely right about balancing study/life/relationships getting harder once med training begins. You are right on on the importance of communication. However, although it makes it easier, the same zip code does not always lead to better communication. Medicine breeds a selfish being. When you are sleep deprived, stressed out, hungry, etc....you, too, will go into survival mode. Sometimes we do not recognize our SOs...sometimes they are just suffering from Head Up Ass Syndrome....which you will find many here who are skilled diagnosticians. In those cases, it nice having an outsiders perspective when you are left wondering what is up with (insert SO name).

Re: your BF - My favorite story to tell is the one where as one of our residents was completing residency, his mom was entering med school. I also know there are several people here whose spouses have come to medicine as a second career.

Re-reading my post, I realize I am making things sound bleak. They are sometimes BUT not.all.the.time. As long as you have some idea as to what to expect, I think you both will do just fine. This is the reason why, IMHO, this site works so well. KNowing what to expect has always made the path easier for me to deal with. Sometimes, it just plain sucks but I know there's a whole community here who needs no explanation and will offer their support.

[poky]

Welcome, and I'm glad you found us! Has he already taken the MCAT? Applied? Interviewed?

You'll have to excuse me while I laugh myself silly. "almost 26" and he's insecure about his age? Tell him to get a grip. My husband was TEN YEARS older than your bf is now when he got into med school, and his class of 32 had 4-5 entrants who were over 30, and there are cases of people in their 40's and 50's getting in, too. Yes, some schools will discriminate based on age (DH had a friend associated with one school tell him not to even apply because they don't look at applicants over 30), but most won't, and even those that do don't generally think 26 is "too old"; he's hardly over the hill.

Seriously, though, best of luck; keep posting!