New to the site

[diggitydot]

I think there are a lot of non-trads. DH entered med school at age 26 and he's currently his residency's token geezer. Which has actually helped wife a bit. I adore and hang out with most of his co-residents, but there are a couple who could benefit greatly from some additional life experiences.

DH's med had quite a few non-trads, including his best friend who was in his mid-30's when he decided to change careers and go into medicine. One of their classmates was 52.

I will make sure to tell him to "get over it" the age thing of course. I know he's stressed in general and looks for all the things that could go wrong or cause him to (dare I say it) "Fail." But hey that's why I'm the one who is getting a more relaxed degree and trying to calm him down.

Any ideas on how to deal with/make happy a grumpy study obsessed student?

I should warn all now that I speak and type with a hint of sarcasm, so anything that seems rash its most likely me being a bit sarcastic.

[MrsK]

He decided later in life then most that he wants to be a doctor, he is currently 25 about to turn 26 and is very worried about not making it in the field. What he doesn't realize is that he is smart and dedicated and someone somewhere will accept him into med school, but I feel that insecurity is kinda part of the game here.

FWIW, the average age of my husband's class upon starting med school was 26.

This is also my husband's second career. I'm a smige older than he and established in my career. We have a baby. It's a little weird sometimes when we get together with other residents who are single 20-somethings that went straight through but there are always a few who are older or who started their families young that are similarly situated to us.

[scrub-jay]

Any ideas on how to deal with/make happy a grumpy study obsessed student?

I should warn all now that I speak and type with a hint of sarcasm, so anything that seems rash its most likely me being a bit sarcastic.

I completely identify with the sarcasm! As for how to deal: make him chocolate chip cookies. That always sends my DH into super grateful mode.

On the age thing: That's something he can inquire about or get a feel for when interviewing at different schools. Some schools seemed to love that my husband had a prior career, and actively recruited people with more diverse backgrounds. Another school had an average class age of 23, and the interviewer expressly communicated that they had concerns that nontraditional students weren't as apt to play the game.

Looks like I failed to answer some questions...

I'm a Junior at Penn State University, I am graduating a year early so technically I'm a Senior. I am in the BFA Stage Management program (this is where most people ask what I will do with that degree.) Well your spose to go manage stages, which is basically scheduling and coordinating the team responsible for putting the show together from the begging phases through to the last show. I feel that I will end up back in North Carolina ASAP (its my favorite place in the world) and will find a job I enjoy, that's what most important to me. Maybe I'll try my hand in film, we'll see.

Welcome! It can be a hard road but it can and does work! You have found the right place to get advice and commiseration.

[labmouse]

been there..done that and survived

hi,

Long distance relationship is difficult, more so for med students and their SOs. I was with my bf (now husband) throughout 5 yrs of med school, out of that 2 clinical years were long distance (Malaysia and Canada.. time difference of 12 hours). During the clinical years, his schedule was long, demanding and stressful, and we only chatted on international phone calling for about 5 minutes every other day. On some days, he would sound like a zombie... tired and non-engaging. At one point, when he failed one of his rotation exams, he didn't want to talk for days. i felt so helpless, not being able to comfort him, but i guess it is how guys deal with stress, they just shut down. So, you have gotta give him some space to deal with those stressors and not push too hard when your SO is having some down time. GUYS JUST DON"T LIKE DISCUSSING their failures or stressors with their GFs.

Then, once a week, either saturdays or sundays (med students have weekends off), we would chat on MSN for 30 minutes to 1 hour, depending on his need to study for exams. I wouldn't deny that throughout the 2 yrs, we had some rough fights. Its easier to imagine stuff and get angry when your SO is not around your side, if u know what i meant. Also, trust is very important for long distance relationship, you just gotta trust that he is not straying around dating other girls at school. (but my husband always say, MS don't even have time to sleep..much less stray)...

Hardest part was during USMLE exam time and matching period. We couldn't sleep properly for months, sad after each rejection, praying and praying that he will get a suitable match. After all that ordeal, it was lucky that my husband was matched to a school with only 5 interview offers. We got married right after he graduated med school (6 yrs of dating), and i quit my job to move to US with him. Residency started July 2010 and things been going great. Stress is a big part in medicine (in med school, residency, fellowship, attending and throughout his career) and as a spouse, we get affected too. So, don't expect him to switch to BF mode everytime he talks to you (you gotta understand that he might have gone thru a particularly difficult day). Like when during his med school, one of my DH's patient died that day, and he kept thinking he could have done better to save him or when he treats a dying young patient with bone cancer.

Ok, enough for the long story...... to make it short and sweet, life as a doctor's spouse is often spend in lonely nights (call nights) and with a zombied husband (post-call days)...but we all get use to the cycle and find ways to sprinkle some days with happiness...

good luck... and enjoy the journey. It may not be easy, but strong relationships are made up of tough stuff after all...

Hi Stefanie!

I am new to this site (as of about an hour ago), and have already felt very reassured about everything! My boyfriend of 5 years just started his first year at UNC a few weeks ago....(we should meet up sometime ). I'm definitely feeling the stress on our relationship already and would love any helpful tips from someone also dating a UNC Med Student .

Nicole

[MrsPotts]

Welcome!! My DH was 25 when he started med school. He is now a 2nd year. In my opinion, some med schools are starting to steer towards older students that are not straight from undergrad because they have life experience, research, and know for sure they want to be a doctor. Some of the straight from undergrads are still immature and not ready to handle the responsibilities that come with med school and interviewers can see that. So tell him 26 is a fine age to apply!!

[Finding Equanimity]

Welcome!! Sounds like you're already getting some great support.