New Here: married 11 years to a doctor

Thanks Luanne.

I posted "being a doctor's wife sucks" on a mama board and got bashed! LOL (Dh was a resident.) Most of the moms were like "you can afford a maid/babysitter/plastic surgery so do it." I know there is a time to suck it up, so to speak, but it's so nice not to be judged when you're having a bad day.

[blondie]

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I feel like you need another therapist to talk to! while i feel like getting some hobbies would be helpful for you, there are other things going on here that getting hobbies would not help. you are feeling neglected to some degree and you should just, for the time being, work on sorting through your needs so you can express this to your husband. you are not ridiculous for wanting to spend less than you make and having him around more!!

[scrub-jay]

Thanks Luanne.

I posted "being a doctor's wife sucks" on a mama board and got bashed! LOL (Dh was a resident.) Most of the moms were like "you can afford a maid/babysitter/plastic surgery so do it." I know there is a time to suck it up, so to speak, but it's so nice not to be judged when you're having a bad day.

Yea, this board can see past stereotypes. In a big big way.

[Mrs. MD, Esq.]

Sorry you are having such a rocky time! Hopefully it will help to vent to others in similar situations (at least I'm hoping so). Welcome!

[ladymoreta]

I completely agree with blonde - this goes so much deeper than what you can change on your own. If there's any way you can convince your husband to go to therapy with you, I think that would help the most. He needs perspective, and it doesn't sound like he feels like you are objective enough to provide that. A psychiatrist might be best, since he would be more likely to respect his or her MD.

It sounds like you are in a really dark place right now in regards to your marriage, and unfortunately your DH has checked out. We are here for you, but I sincerely hope you're able to convince him to make you and his family the priority you deserve to be.

You relies mean so much. Thank you!

[MDPhDWife]

I completely agree with blonde - this goes so much deeper than what you can change on your own. If there's any way you can convince your husband to go to therapy with you, I think that would help the most. He needs perspective, and it doesn't sound like he feels like you are objective enough to provide that. A psychiatrist might be best, since he would be more likely to respect his or her MD.

It sounds like you are in a really dark place right now in regards to your marriage, and unfortunately your DH has checked out. We are here for you, but I sincerely hope you're able to convince him to make you and his family the priority you deserve to be.

This is pretty much what I was going to say. If he has time for x,y, & z committee/board he has time to go to counseling with you. Either way, I'm glad you found us. This place has been a provided tremendous support for me.

[Flynn]

So sorry you are having such a hard time. Being overwhelmed is NOT fun!!!

I just had a LONG conversation with my DH. It seems that I am destined to be almost the ONLY one who can keep DH grounded, have him engaged in our family, and finally keep him realistic about what HE can do pertaining to our heath as a unit. Despite how frustrating the conversations are in the beginning I'm almost always glad we have them.

Your DH sounds out of touch and extremely self-involved which is not uncommon in medicine.
Keep trying to get him to listen. Can you and he together make some practical "rules" about how many pots he can have his hands in?

So sorry you are going through this!

[houseelf]

You really have come to the right place! Flynn offered sage advice, but I had to chuckle at this:

I posted "being a doctor's wife sucks" on a mama board and got bashed! LOL (Dh was a resident.) Most of the moms were like "you can afford a maid/babysitter/plastic surgery so do it."

You certainly won't get that here! We understand the dark seedy underbelly of medicine and wish that we were lucky enough to be the stereotypical doctor's wives! Ha Ha!

[cylverdust]

i just wanted to send you a hug, I don't have any advice to give.. Just to let you know that we are all here and if you need to vent, this is the place and you will always get support.

So sorry you are having such a hard time. Being overwhelmed is NOT fun!!!

I just had a LONG conversation with my DH. It seems that I am destined to be almost the ONLY one who can keep DH grounded, have him engaged in our family, and finally keep him realistic about what HE can do pertaining to our heath as a unit. Despite how frustrating the conversations are in the beginning I'm almost always glad we have them.

Your DH sounds out of touch and extremely self-involved which is not uncommon in medicine.
Keep trying to get him to listen. Can you and he together make some practical "rules" about how many pots he can have his hands in?

So sorry you are going through this!

Your advice regarding having "rules" in place is great advice. That's exactly what my therapist has focused on me and my fiance doing. Luckily, my fiance is open to this.