Hello, i'm new here and i have lots of questions

[Pollyanna]

I had to laugh at this. I can't imagine my DH ever YouTubing "how to be a better husband". I would never think to google "how to be a better wife". Here's the thing: people are people; people have quirks, habits, tendencies that sometimes we like and sometimes we don't like and a lot of the time it has little to do with their profession or gender and more to do with just their personality. Not all men suck. Not all doctors suck. Figure out what is specific about your relationship that is troubling you and whether or not it's something that can be worked on. Communication skills can be worked on. Increasing the quantity of time together probably can't. Wanting everything to be 50/50 probably can't either.

Yes, me too. Honestly I would find that a bit disturbing and well annoying in a man. I also don't know any medical spouses that need "lots of attention", I just don't. If you need the attention to validate your relationship or make you feel more confident in his feelings toward you I think maybe it is you that needs to do some work. In the end every relationship is different, only you can determine if this one is a good fit. Stick around and post often, you'll find we are a strong group of spouses more than happy to tell it like it is .

[corn poffi]

As usual, the other ladies nailed it. Getting attention and being in a relationship with a dawter are opposites. Even the most doting man (or woman) changes once they become a physician. This is the nature of their work, not their personality. I realize that this makes them all sound like assholes, which is not what I'm trying to say. Ask any med spouse who was around before they entered med school or residency and I bet they will say the same.

As all the others said, I do not know a single med spouse (here or IRL) who does not have his/her own thing going on. And submissive or attention-needy are not words that I would use to describe them either.

[PrincessFiona]

Medicine is a crappy mistress. We all get it.

Training to become a physician really is an act of tearing the person down and then building them up so that they believe that they are awesome ... Seriously, how else can you open up someone's chest, operate on their brain or diagnose major illness when someone's lying in an ICU bed? A physician has to have the self-esteem to believe that they can do it. Self-doubt doesn't get you very far in the operating room.

At the same time, this trait doesn't go over well in medical relationships. LOL. I have a joke with a friend that goes "I don't have a God complex, I am God". Super funny to me!

Everyone here gets how hard it is to be married to a physician. We have all had to adapt to the schedules, raising our children on our own during periods where their schedules are intense, and managing pretty much every aspect of the family's financial, emotional, and physical health.

Being a doctor's wife/husband is not all champagne and bonbons!

What has helped me is to look within myself and discover what I want/need to be happy with who I am. I have reached out within my community to get involved in things that are important to me and that has helped.

Also ... good communication. I can't say enough about the fact that you guys need to be able to sit down and talk about all of these issues. Figure out what you need and then learn how to ask for it. Your relationship will likely never be a 50/50 sharing of responsibilities. He won't be home at 5pm. But you can still have a good marriage and enjoy raising children together.

Kris