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Hello, and help!!!

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  • Hello, and help!!!

    Hi all,

    Brand new here. I'm the soon to be wife of a nontraditional DO student finishing up his first year. In terms of school and stress, the first year has honestly been a breeze, and I think we've been really lucky. For me, though, I'm stuck in a city I absolutely hate for another year until we can escape for rotations. (Then the real "fun" begins...) I work from home -- I'm so fortunate to have a remote job that I can take with me anywhere we end up, but it means I don't have coworkers nearby. I work, I work out, I do a ton of cooking and all the household stuff, I read, I video chat with my best friend back home, and I probably talk to my cats a little too much, but every once in a while the isolation and the stress of not being in control really gets to me. Now is one of those times.

    Like someone who commented earlier on, I get so sick of hearing all the negativity about how med school will destroy your relationship, about the divorce rate for doctors (a lot of this coming from his school!), etc. My FH is so well-balanced with life and school, he's getting great scores and still manages to spend lots of time with me, and he wants to go into a primary care field, not something ultra-competitive. I'm not worried about our staying power, but I am a little worried about my own mental health along the way, and I wish instead of spewing a bunch of gloom and doom, the school would offer a little support for students with spouses. Wishful thinking. So I'm here.

    My latest stress is realizing that we're going to be moving in one year for rotations, and we don't yet know where that will be, or even really how the whole process works. We need to end up doing most rotations within a major metro area so that we don't have to move constantly. We have grown-up furniture and two cats, and I need a home base and an office. Not to mention I need to be back in a major city where I don't feel so isolated. So we're just not up for moving every couple months. We may have a couple choices of city, but in one of them (our top choice) FH may end up being responsible for setting up some of his own rotations. I have no idea how this works, and the school hasn't told them much about it yet. Advice?

    So, I'm living with a lot of uncertainty, planning a wedding for this summer, and trying to stay sane. Sorry for the novel! I'd love to hear from others who have been in a similar situation. Thanks everyone!

    Also, I'm confused by the forum setup. L. Jane told me I should post a new intro thread, but the only thread I can see under "Introductions" is the one titled "Welcome". I'm getting the impression there should be lots more. Help?
    Wife of PGY-4 (of 6), cat herder, and mom to a sassy-pants four-nager.

  • #2
    Welcome! I don't think most SOs travel to all of the away rotations. We just did the long-distance thing.

    ETA: we are not always sunshine and roses around here. Medicine sucks hardcore and I don't even have words to describe the horrors of residency...but I hope we don't scare you away!!! We're good people, I promise!
    Last edited by corn poffi; 05-01-2012, 09:53 AM.
    I'm just trying to make it out alive!

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    • #3
      Most of the forums default to showing only one day's worth of posts. Go down to the bottom of the Introductions forum and find the pulldown for "Show posts from the...", select "Beginning".

      Welcome!!
      Alison

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      • #4
        Welcome! Glad you found us!

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        • #5
          Got it, thanks!! I'm new to forums.
          Wife of PGY-4 (of 6), cat herder, and mom to a sassy-pants four-nager.

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          • #6
            Welcome to the group! Sometimes when your spouse at a school with clinicals in locations other than the basic sciences campus, the whole process can feel really disconnected. My DH went to med school in the Caribbean and we had a set up a little like what you are going through minus the FMG stresses. We were also kept on the need-to-know basis during basic sciences up until he took Step 1. Do you have a list of the sites at this point? FYI we have many members on here with DO spouses and a couple that had to move for clinicals. Hopefully one of them can chime in here. Glad you found us! Sorry about the isolation. Most of us on here know exactly what your are talking about!
            Wife to PGY5. Mommy to baby girl born 11/2009. Cat mommy since 2002
            "“If you don't know where you are going any road can take you there”"

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            • #7
              Welcome! Non-trad DO life over here, too.

              FWIW, we never went went with the dude to his away rotations. His longest stint was 3 months of audition rotations and interviews. It blows, but it passes.

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              • #8
                Welcome! There are definitely parts of medical life that suck, but it's not all gloom and doom. You'll hear the good and the bad here. Looking forward to getting to know you! Post often!
                Laurie
                My team: DH (anesthesiologist), DS (9), DD (8)

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                • #9
                  Well, we have to move no matter what for rotations. The city we live in now is too small for most students to get rotations nearby, and there's no way I'm keeping this as my home base for another 2 years while he travels all over. I know that three of our potential metro areas are Pittsburgh, Cleveland and San Diego, and if we can get to one of those he should be able to complete all his cores nearby while we live in one place. Then he would hopefully only need to travel a few times for electives or rotations in specific places required by the school. I'm a little concerned about the balance between life and career -- if we choose based on geography will he be sacrificing the quality of his rotations or the opportunity to build professional relationships? Can he schedule electives or audition rotations to make up for that? Like I said though, he's looking at primary care specialties, not anything like surgery, so it's not as competitive as some.

                  It's just very disconcerting because I don't fully understand the rotation process yet so I don't know what to expect. We just want to figure out a way to stay in one place, and together, for a reasonable portion of the time.
                  Wife of PGY-4 (of 6), cat herder, and mom to a sassy-pants four-nager.

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                  • #10
                    Non-competitive specialties can have super competitive programs that are tough to get into.

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                    • #11
                      Welcome!!

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                      • #12
                        Just off the top of my head, those three locations sound like very solid places to do 3rd and 4th year rotations as far as quality training sites. One thing you can do is look up the residency programs at those sites and start getting familiar with the departments. Your DH needs to do all the networking stuff to find out what exact hospitals and departments are best for training.

                        At our Caribbean school the main training sites were Bakersfield, CA, Detroit, and various locations in Queens and Brooklyn. At our school the NY sites were very weak. You had to know what exact rotation to do at what exact hospital. One hospital in NY might be good for IM the other would be better for surgery another would be best for Peds, etc etc. We decided to move many MANY times to avoid those less than quality (ok, they were crap!) clinical sites.

                        Also, for his 4th year he'll want to rotate at the good quality departments that are willing to provide solid LORs and personal referrals.
                        Wife to PGY5. Mommy to baby girl born 11/2009. Cat mommy since 2002
                        "“If you don't know where you are going any road can take you there”"

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                        • #13
                          Welcome!
                          Married to a newly minted Pediatric Rad, momma to a sweet girl and a bunch of (mostly) cute boy monsters.



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                          • #14
                            Dh is a non-trad DO. We moved 3rd year for clinical rotation. It was hard not knowing where u r going. It worked out fantastic for us because we built relationships while doing our clinicals and it allowed dh to match into a competitive speciality at an allopathic program. Everyone things works out in the end!! Welcome this place is great!!
                            Brandi
                            Wife to PGY3 Rads also proud mother of three spoiled dogs!! Some days it is hectic, but I wouldn't trade this for anything.




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                            • #15
                              Welcome to our site!


                              Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                              Wife to Family Medicine attending, Mom to DS1 and DS2
                              Professional Relocation Specialist &
                              "The Official IMSN Enabler"

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