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Hello to all you beautiful (and patient) people!

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  • Hello to all you beautiful (and patient) people!

    Hi!

    I was aimlessly browsing the internet and happened to stumble upon this site. I'm not sure if I should be on this site or not. I'm actually a girlfriend, not a spouse, but I'm sure all of you have been there at some point

    My boyfriend just started his intern year in neurosurgery residency in Chicago...I'm currently in Cleveland, so at this point it's an LDR. We've been doing pretty well so far in terms of a LDR for 2 months, haha. We've been together for a year, so...not that long I'm also a few years younger than him, but we're both still pretty young. According to his chief resident, I heard that the second year was the "make-it-or-break-it" year for relationships because he actually has to know stuff during his second year. To be honest, I prefer that we keep it LDR for now since it will give him the time he needs to study and learn everything, and it would also give me the opportunity to live my life the way it want to.

    Thankfully he doesn't suffer from "God-complex" and he's extremely sweet. Although he does like to stick his nose in the air every now and then, I always bring him back down to Earth (I don't take that "God-complex" crap). It's great that he wants to continue a relationship even though it's long distance and that he's going to suffer through hell for the next 7 or so. I think it's also great that there are groups like this and people that have been through these issues and survived to tell the tales.

    As for me, I'm a recent medical illustrator graduate (with a great and stable job and apartment), and I've also been my SO's sugar momma for the past 8 months since he was a med student and also up to his eyeballs in debt. It helps that he actually has a stable source of income now I've thought about moving over to Chicago (which is also my favorite city), but the job is here...for now.

    That's all for now folks, thanks for taking the time!

  • #2
    Welcome! I started here as a girlfriend and now we have been married almost two years. We also had only been dating seven months when he moved for residency and we did his intern year long distance. We totally get it. It sounds like you are pretty independent which really helps in a medical relationship. Stick around and post. This place is really great.
    -L.Jane

    Wife to a wonderful General Surgeon
    Mom to a sweet but stubborn boy born April 2014
    Rock Chalk Jayhawk GO KU!!!

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    • #3
      Another NSG spouse and I would agree that 2nd year is hard! Welcome!'
      Wife to NSG out of training, mom to 2, 10 & 8, and a beagle with wings.

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      • #4
        Welcome! My husband and I did LDR for about 3 years total - first while we were dating/engaged during grad school, then while we were married and he started med school. It has its advantages (like not being around when he came home from anatomy lab and really learning to communicate) and disadvantages (I think these are obvious). I've also been the sugar momma for a while, since I finished my PhD early in his 2nd year of med school and have been working since.
        Allison - professor; wife to a urology attending; mom to baby girl E (11/13), baby boy C (2/16), and a spoiled cat; knitter and hoarder of yarn; photographer

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        • #5
          Welcome! Glad you found us. Where in CLE are you? There are a few of us here. My husband's doing residency in EM at Metro, but we live on the east side because my job is out east of town (plus, it's where we're used to because he did med school here, which was on the east side). Did your SO do med school here?
          Sandy
          Wife of EM Attending, Web Programmer, mom to one older lady scaredy-cat and one sweet-but-dumb younger boy kitty

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          • #6
            Welcome!
            Veronica
            Mother of two ballerinas and one wild boy

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            • #7
              Welcome! My husband graduated medical school in Cleveland too.
              Alison

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              • #8
                Thanks!

                It helps to know that medicine is a very jealous and expensive mistress :P

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                • #9
                  :Welcome: Fellow NSG spouse here. Second year is hard. Hard. Hard. When you get to that point and he is working 3 weeks straight and your lucky to get a text from him every other day we will assure you that he really is working that hard and not ignoring you.

                  Wife to PGY4
                  Loving wife of neurosurgeon

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                  • #10
                    Welcome and I'm glad you found us!! Sounds like you are in a super happy place with everything- so wonderful!! That's a really helpful attitude to have in this process!
                    Wife to PGY5. Mommy to baby girl born 11/2009. Cat mommy since 2002
                    "“If you don't know where you are going any road can take you there”"

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                    • #11
                      Welcome!
                      Wife to Hand Surgeon just out of training, mom to two lovely kittys and little boy, O, born in Sept 08.

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                      • #12
                        Welcome! Looking forward to getting to know you!
                        Laurie
                        My team: DH (anesthesiologist), DS (9), DD (8)

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by SuzySunshine View Post
                          Another NSG spouse and I would agree that 2nd year is hard! Welcome!'
                          Ditto!

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                          • #14
                            Thanks everyone! This will be super helpful later on!

                            To all the surgical/neurosurgery spouses out there, how bad can it get in residency (especially in a LDR)? I'm pretty independent and I like to keep myself occupied, but I'd also like to see my SO every now and then, haha! I'm pretty much set on visiting him twice a month, and even if he's busy, it's not like I can't explore Chicago...I suffer from wanderlust

                            Plus, my job allows me to work from home two days a week which allows me to do extended weekend visits even if he's busy. How awesome is that?

                            By the way...parking is TERRIBLE in Oak Park and Chicago, lol!

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                            • #15
                              Its bad! We did LDR in med school but not residency but if you can visit him, great! Don't expect him to be available to you but if you don't mind going solo on things - great. And don't expect him to come visit you, ever. One day off is a luxury, enough to travel doesn't happen unless its planned well in advance. Make him use his vacation (if his program actually uses it - some don't, they tell you you have it but then never let you use it).

                              I think if you stay independent and don't expect things of him it can be fine - we were married with no kids for the first 4 1/2 years and it was fine. I saw him when I saw him and it worked. Once we had kids it complicated things but when its just you and him you can make it work.
                              Wife to NSG out of training, mom to 2, 10 & 8, and a beagle with wings.

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