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This is my first post. My husband and I have been married 8 1/2 years. We have two children, a seven year old and a 10 month old. So, I am very familiar with the lifestyle of a medical spouse, but it dosen't make it any easier.
Let's just say that I now, finally understand why the divorce rate is so high among physicians. This isn't to say I am thinking of leaving my spouse, I'm not. But, I hardly feel like I'm in a partnership. To the world, looking in, maybe it doesn't seem that I have anything to complain about at all. I have a caring husband who supports me and my children. I have a nice home (benefit of the cost of living here and deferred loans), two beautiful children, and the prospect of having a comfortable life in the years to come.
However, I feel so trapped. All of my energy, my life, everything that I am is built around this goal. I have moved twice, very far from family and support in order to support this goal. I have given up my own career goals so that our children could have someone there. I do virtually everything to keep this family running from changing diapers and preparing meals to doing the taxes, researching options, paying bills, and doing the yard work. Yet, I am the marginalized spouse. I am completely unimoprtatnt. My husband tries, I know he does, but I still feel as though I am the cornerstone of a wobbly foundation, trying desperately to keep our sturcture standing.
I know, in my head, that at some point *I* need to come first. But, I can't even find the time to exercise, let alone take time for myself in other ways. I am overweight, and I don't know how to fix it. With a 10 month old who won't let me get on the treadmill, limited money, and a schedule that is so unreliable, I couldn't possible count on my husband for one day a week. I would love to take a class or join a gym, but the cost would be enormous when you include the babysitting. It's just frustrating. I'm not really looking for advice here, I just wanted to ramble off some of the things in my head. It's hard to tak to someone who's been awake for 36 hours, who tells you they are listening, while nodding off in the recliner.
I'm just taking it one day at a time for now.
Heidi
Let's just say that I now, finally understand why the divorce rate is so high among physicians. This isn't to say I am thinking of leaving my spouse, I'm not. But, I hardly feel like I'm in a partnership. To the world, looking in, maybe it doesn't seem that I have anything to complain about at all. I have a caring husband who supports me and my children. I have a nice home (benefit of the cost of living here and deferred loans), two beautiful children, and the prospect of having a comfortable life in the years to come.
However, I feel so trapped. All of my energy, my life, everything that I am is built around this goal. I have moved twice, very far from family and support in order to support this goal. I have given up my own career goals so that our children could have someone there. I do virtually everything to keep this family running from changing diapers and preparing meals to doing the taxes, researching options, paying bills, and doing the yard work. Yet, I am the marginalized spouse. I am completely unimoprtatnt. My husband tries, I know he does, but I still feel as though I am the cornerstone of a wobbly foundation, trying desperately to keep our sturcture standing.
I know, in my head, that at some point *I* need to come first. But, I can't even find the time to exercise, let alone take time for myself in other ways. I am overweight, and I don't know how to fix it. With a 10 month old who won't let me get on the treadmill, limited money, and a schedule that is so unreliable, I couldn't possible count on my husband for one day a week. I would love to take a class or join a gym, but the cost would be enormous when you include the babysitting. It's just frustrating. I'm not really looking for advice here, I just wanted to ramble off some of the things in my head. It's hard to tak to someone who's been awake for 36 hours, who tells you they are listening, while nodding off in the recliner.
I'm just taking it one day at a time for now.
Heidi
. Granted, we are free from financial worries, but it isn't easy feeling like you are a single parent! I am fortunate in that my DH's hours aren't usually too bad, but since this past summer, business has really picked up and he frequently doesn't get home until my son is in bed. (He is not happy about this situation either, and is eager for the new hires to start) I know exactly what you mean about feeling trapped. We have bought what should be a dream house but feels like my prison. I want so badly to be a physician myself, yet feel that it is unattainable due to our geographic location and the fact that someone needs to be with our children! 
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