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Hi back after 3 years

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  • Hi back after 3 years

    Hi

    I came here three years ago because of the isolation of being a Physician's wife. After being here awhile here I realized that there were really not a lot of people in my same situation.

    After yet another "bombshell" in my circle of friends I thought THIS is the best place for me.

    My situation:
    Married for several years to a obsessive workaholic (translated: very dedicated Doc.. balance is not in his vocab). I am very proud of the physician my husband is, He has won many awards and is very respected and loved.

    I have known my husband since high school we are now in our 40's and yes we have a 5 and 2 y/o (God has a sense of humor).
    My husband is a solo practioner. His practice is insanely busy he is able have other solo docs cover for occasional nights off.

    We have acheived financial success. With several homes, cars and "things" I even cringe as I typed that because ....yes we have achieved it but it has not been without sacrifice and to tell you the truth I would trade all of it to have him not work so much. He can't stop he loves it and I truly believe he would lose himself completely if he did not have his work.

    Friends: Yes I have them, hubby doesn't really have time to nuture friendships (you know an occasional call and get together). Talking about this to friends..I get the " you have everything" speech. Or " Your husband is gorgeous, successful, has $$ and he adores you"
    I guess you can say "I have it all" so why do I feel alone all the time?
    Why did it make me cry when my older son thought his fathers name was "Bye Bye Daddy"? or this past year at his preschool Christmas show
    while doing his performance he noticed his father in the aduience and instead of singing he was pointing and yelling "There he is...that's my daddy" like no one believed he really had a daddy.

    See this board seemed to be geared to those who are starting out medical school, residency, fellowships, the financial hardships etc...
    Yes those are all trying times...But the is another side to this.. yes the "perks" are there BUT so are disappointments. I thought for a while that this was MY problem as time went I realized that it kinda is my problem. I am NOT OK with just being a Physician's wife and being able to "shop" at leisure. Most of the physicians wives I know perfer this to their husbands company. I thought it was because I needed more for myself. So I run the business part of the practice (I have a business and an RN degree) out of my home. Working with my husband was not a great thing he is a wimp with the employee's (24 of them..we have 3 offices). That created a problem with our different management style. I eventually hired managers and moved to my home office.
    The one other Physician wife (friend) That I knew that felt the way I did eventually foud out her husband was having an affair and fathered a child with the OW. She has 3 young son's and is now divorcing him. Her husband had too much free time and hobby's that did not include her.

    So here I am typing taking up a lot of board space and most of you cannot even fatham where I am at. I know I am lucky, I know I have a wonderful man that loves me and even though there are a lot of affairs in medicine this man has stayed faithful. I do count my blessings.
    I guess I just need the normal type support you know what to say to collegues wives who hit on my H (yes it does happen) or nurses who call my home and talk down at me because they assume I am JUST a SAHM.
    The normal stuff..

    So Hi .. Glad to meet you all again !!

    edited: to see If I could fix the yukky spacing

  • #2
    Are you saying that the light at the end of the tunnel is a locomotive?

    It's nice to have your perspective here. We're in final year of residency, and we're now discussing going the corporate drug company route, which might offer a bit more in the way of normalcy, though sacrifice in terms of job and career satisfaction. (and possible moral dilemmas...)
    Enabler of DW and 5 kids
    Let's go Mets!

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    • #3
      Welcome back. You are not alone, there are quite a few of us from the other side. I am also in my 40s, my husband has been in private (solo) practie for 15 plus years. This is a second marriage and we each have two children, making that 4 in college!!!! I'm also a nurse, and am currently in graduate school with the plans of being an Adult Nurse Practitioner. Glad to have you back and I look forward to getting to know you.
      Luanne
      Luanne
      wife, mother, nurse practitioner

      "You have not converted a man because you have silenced him." (John, Viscount Morely, On Compromise, 1874)

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      • #4
        "Are you saying that the light at the end of the tunnel is a locomotive? "



        Actually a good sense a humor will be your best friend ..

        Not all Physicians have a difficult time with balance unless they are as OCD as my H

        There are a lot of docs that work with HMO's they tend to have more normal lives too. This is just how my life is and I know I just can't be alone out there.

        Luanne I remember you. Thanks for still being here. WOW your in school now ? I thought about my NP but that would mean I'd be working with my hubby again....BAD IDEA
        Besides we have little ones...

        Thanks for the welcome back...I hope I didn't come off too much of a bummer. And for some reason my posts are not spacing properly.
        I know the sticky space bar where my words sometimes sun together is my fault (apple juice on my key board, thanks to my 2 y/o) but my sentences are getting broken up. ??
        MrsOB_Doc

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        • #5
          Hey there- welcome back. Actually it's nice to have more from the "other side" (not that there really is one, is there!) to space things out.

          Looking forward to getting to know you (again!)

          Jenn

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          • #6
            Welcome back! We're glad to have you. As this site grows older, more of us have made it out of the training war. My husband finished his neonatology fellowship two years ago and works in a dysfunctional hospital-based practice where the director doesn't have the balls to tell them they are going private. His hours are insane and inconsistent, but he loves what he does.

            I understand your strife! I have run out of answers for the questions, my almost 4 and 2 years ask about where daddy is. Every time we drive into the driveway, they look for his car in the garage. It depresses me.

            Glad you are back. Come often and vent!

            Jennifer
            Needs

            Comment


            • #7
              It is always great to have a new voice on the board. We recently had a thread about ambitious spouses and life after training. It's good to hear your story. My husband is a gyn onc out of training two years. We have been working out family time around his hours. So far, so good - but I know things can be just as hairy on the other side of training. My father was a workaholic doc. I can sympathize with your kids, too.

              I'm glad you came back!
              Angie
              Gyn-Onc fellowship survivor - 10 years out of the training years; reluctant suburbanite
              Mom to DS (18) and DD (15) (and many many pets)

              "Where are we going - and what am I doing in this handbasket?"

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              • #8
                Mrs OB_Doc, we really need your perspective here.

                I am overwhelmed at all you and your husband are doing. THREE offices n a SOLO practice?! Wow!

                Jennifer
                Who uses a machete to cut through red tape
                With fingernails that shine like justice
                And a voice that is dark like tinted glass

                Comment


                • #9
                  Welcome back! I am so happy to have you here- I read all the posts by out-of -training spouses voraciously. My hubby is a 2nd yr OB resident who is planning on an MFM fellowship- so your posts are especially important to me. I look forward to getting to know you!
                  Mom to three wild women.

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                  • #10
                    Welcome! Look forward to reading your comments.

                    Crystal
                    Gas, and 4 kids

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