New to the forum

[Tenacious_D]

Some of his classmates came over the other night and we were all watching scrubs (a show I had never seen before...I'm more of a House fan) and they were laughing up a storm and completely froze. I got worried at that moment b/c I thought I was watching a glimpse of the future and it took me a couple of hours to realize that is not likely the case. I almost forgot what it was like for me in Grad school and how much I studied and how little time there was for socializing AND studying.

My goal for the next few weeks is to really think before I speak and let my emotions settle b/c I really don't want to stress him out at all because that will only lead to more stress between the two us. Thanks again for all the great feedback everyone!

Some of his classmates came over the other night and we were all watching scrubs (a show I had never seen before...I'm more of a House fan) and they were laughing up a storm and completely froze.

Okay, now I think I've been granted telepathic powers for one day.

Crap, with my new powers I just realized DW was thinking "he better unload the dishes and laundry when he gets home."

Seriously, that's great that you have a plan already. Good luck.

Me, I better sign off and -- sans bow in my hair of course.

[Meenah]

I love House. My husband is a critical care attending, and he is very much like House. Some of his patients have actually called ro see if the show is about him (we work at the hospital in Princeton and his office practice is in Plainsboro/Jamesburg). The clinic on House is the Princeton Plainsboro clinic. I am a nurse, and I can tell you life is NOTHING like scrubs!!
Luanne

[Tenacious_D]

I love House!!! I can totally appreciate his blunt and dry humor

I do have family in the NYC area but would love to connect with people who really understand what goes on behind those white coats and scents of Formaldehyde.

[Auspicious]

I want to offer something helpful in this thread, but mostly I'm reading it thinking, "Wow, she is freaking out so much less than I did when I first moved here--I wonder why." Maybe you were more familiar with NY or urban life before coming here. Or maybe I'm just fragile. You changed jobs when moving here? How's that going? For us, we lived here before med school and still pretty much have the same set of friends as before--didn't really pick up any new ones from the school. You may need to mine other sources.

I wouldn't say I've ever been jealous of my husband exactly, but there is that feeling of "Hey, he's really growing right now. I remember what it was like to grow--it was good! I should do that, too." I ended up getting a better job at the start of his MS2 year as a result.

I agree with the advice you've gotten here so far. And if it's any consolation, MS1 year was the most horrendous for us by far. It can and will get bettter.

[Tenacious_D]

Thanks Julie! There is some solace in knowing that it does get better. I surely isn't as bad as it could be. As for city life, I grew up in NYC but went to boarding school and then college in Maine, so I am really not that much of a city girl. A part of me was hoping that we would end up in suburbia somewhere but alas, the city called. I think the best thing I did for myself was get my masters before he started Med school. We talked about that a few years ago and it has worked out really well. Everyone here has given such good advice and I seriously feel a gazillion times better than I did when I left the house this morning. Thanks all!

[Tenacious_D]

I just wanted to say that I came home and told my hubby about what I had posted on the forum and he read everything and made me feel so much better. He was so supportive! It was really a way of telling him how I felt without having to say it out loud.

[Vishenka69]

Don't know how I could have missed a fellow NY'er joining this board. Welcome to the board and back to NYC. We have been lucky to stay in NY for the entire process (college through residency), so I can definitely relate to most of what you're going through. Let me know if you need any local help, I'm pretty familiar with most neighborhood and boroughs.

[alison]

Hi!
I just sent you a PM on this--we seem to be in the same boat!
Alison

The future is in your hands...

Hi LDRO

I've been reading through all the posts and have to say, yep! that's right. And of course add my 6 bits. I've been posting a blog for the last 6 months, I think, just to try and help spouses going into med school and beyond, so we don't think we're alone and to try and put some humor into the whole trauma. My DH and several people have had really positive responses to it. You've inspired me to attempt a new one for those of us who felt the spouse was moving on without us etc.

I do remember the jealousy feeling as well. I think mainly because my DH was older and there were a lot of nubile young things all around. But also because I no longer had a career, since I had to devote everything to family survival during that time and had no family in the area to help with kids etc. I feel that I really carried the stress of it all, much more than he did. All he had to to was go to school for gods sake. I always felt like I needed to hammer on his study buddies and say "Hey I'm intelligent too you know!" After a bit, we made sure to get together with everyone's whole family and pretty soon I was good friends with several of his classmates, which was terrific.

There were several things I came to realize though later on. One was that my DH matured an incredible amount during med school. There were life lessons there that hit him square in the face, knocked him down and dragged him over a cliff. Now I'm not saying ALL DH's need this, but mine certainly benefited and so we all benefited.

I also realized that I could follow right along if I wanted to, and in fact, we would make sure to talk at the end of the day to see what he did, and then I would l look stuff up later. I would also help him study by reading to him on car trips and stuff. It put me in the picture and was very handy.

It also made my husband really happy in a long term sort of way. He regularly went though 'mid life' crisis' and this really gave his brain and soul (I think) something to keep it busy and involved more than anything he ever did. He is really bad when he gets bored.

A big issue for me was self presentation. I tended to let myself go in my depressive times. This was a huge mistake, and I vowed to get up, get dressed nicely and present my 'go get em' face to the world. This did wonders for me.

I'd like to say that I realized it would all be worth it, but truthfully, I could not imagine it at the time. I made the decision to begin following a new path myself. I was a computer nerd for years and couldn't take it anymore. So, I started taking classes, getting into knitting groups, reading a ton. At this point a few things are coming together nicely.

Sorry to go on, as you can see, you touched many nerves in everyone having gone through this time.

Pam

If I can say this please dont be jealous. Do somethings you love. I enjoy going to the gym and joining meetupgroups. It is an online group where according to your interest you meet people. For me it was the moms meet up groups. If you are active in church do that.... Soon he will be jealous that you re developing and will want to share in that! Take up some really cool classes if you can..like massage therapy etc...then the time will fly by! I wish you so much happiness!

[Tenacious_D]

Thanks Pam and Sarita. This website definitely helps keep my emotions in check. We talked about it recently and I am going to take a photography and video editing class since I love being behind the camera so much. I am making much more of an effort to do for me and not just for him. It's so great having others who do understand what it is like sometimes.

[planet]

Hi Danielle,

This is a good place to find people who understand what you're going through, isn't it?! It acually was the case with us that the more activities I became involved in, the more interested in MY life dh became. I hope the same holds true for you. Maybe you could decorate your place with your original works! What kind of photography/editing interests you?

Janet

[Tenacious_D]

You are so right Janet. The other week, I told DH that I was going to be out late with friends and he got that sad pouty look on his face and he asked if he could come with. I am starting to realize that he can't always help his crazy busy schedule and he wants to spend time with me as much as I want to spend with him but school is school.

As for photography I have been using our Adobe printshop/publisher program (we got it last Xmas). We also have this really nice Nikon camera that I am starting to really understand. It definitely passes some of the time.