Premarital Sex

[Rapunzel]

Rapunzel you bring up some interesting points and I have to say that going through all the crap of dating in high school and college I'd be perfectly happy to get engaged and married two months later (I have cousins that were raised that way).

I just wonder how that is possible financially sometimes. Don't get me wrong I have many LDS friends who were married in undergrad or medical school and I constantly wonder how they did it. If DH and I had gotten married earlier in medical school he would have lost out on so much financial aid because of my salary, regardless of the fact that we lived in one of the most expensive places in the US. We had been dating for almost five years when we got married, we had been engaged for 11 months and we waited until our wedding night.

I think raising our children with your theory on dating though is much smarter and a more responsible way to help them make the correct decisions. Very interesting insight...

You are so right that there is a financial incentive to delay marriage. It's another way you really have to go against the grain to abstain prior to marriage. The financial aspects just add to the difficulty and increase the amount of support you need for a decision like this.

I am impressed that you guys went for almost six years of dating and engagement and waited! Seriously, impressed!

[alison]

My host brother in Germany, who was in high school at the time, had his girlfriend over almost every weekend. That was the only rule, she could only stay the night on weekends, not on school nights. I'm not saying I would condone this in my own home, but premarital sex is one of the lowest things on my parenting checklist. Really.

I cross-posted with Rapunzel. (My post wasn't a response.)

[SuzySunshine]

My host brother in Germany, who was in high school at the time, had his girlfriend over almost every weekend. That was the only rule, she could only stay the night on weekends, not on school nights. I'm not saying I would condone this in my own home, but premarital sex is one of the lowest things on my parenting checklist. Really.

Alison, it would probably be one of the lowest on my radar as well except that the girl that dated my high school boyfriend after me got pregnant within a few months - that elevated it on my radar very quickly, it could have been me very easily.

SIX YEARS!! And neurosurgery training?! Suzysunshine, you have some kind of incredible genetics for determination and perseverance!

I wouldn't last six months in celibacy or neurosurg . . .

[MrsC]

I attended a Catholic high school, all girls! They tried to teach us abstinance but everyone laughed at them - I think it was a bit late at 16 or 17 I don't know anything about how sex ed is taught here so I can't really comment on it.

As for having a boyfriend sleep over, he had to sleep on the couch. There were a few occasions where my sisters bf of four years stayed and they slept in the same room. I think this was when my Dad was working (he sometimes works nights). My parents are pretty liberal about that sort of thing. They weren't too happy about it but didn't make a big deal out of it either. We didn't live at home during college so it wasn't a big deal.

DH comes from a far stricter background. When my Dad visited us last year, DH felt very uncomfortable with us sleeping in the same room.We were still dating at the time. He eventually had my sister and I sleep in our room and he slept in the spare room. It was funny since my Dad really didn't care.

I'm all for respecting the wishes of whoever owns the house. Abide by their rules. An exception was when we were thinking of going to New York for New Years this year. We were planning on staying with DH's parents in NJ rather then driving all the way home. DH said that he wasn't sure if they'd let us sleep in the same room. WTF? We're married! I really didn't want to be put in that position so we stayed at home for New Years. I completely understood the separate rooms thing when we were dating but now that we're married I think it would be disrespectful to us. I'd rather not stay there.

[Momo]

We were planning on staying with DH's parents in NJ rather then driving all the way home. DH said that he wasn't sure if they'd let us sleep in the same room. WTF? We're married!

...now that's just weird!!

[SuzySunshine]

We were planning on staying with DH's parents in NJ rather then driving all the way home. DH said that he wasn't sure if they'd let us sleep in the same room. WTF? We're married!

...now that's just weird!!

That one made me laugh. When DH and I were married and he was doing residency interviews we finally met back up during the holidays and our first night together was at my grandmothers. The sleeping quarters are tight when we're all there but DH and I got the bedroom with a door because "we hadn't seen each other in a while", per my grandmother. I wanted to crawl under the couch. :!

[PrincessFiona]

The sleeping quarters are tight when we're all there but DH and I got the bedroom with a door because "we hadn't seen each other in a while", per my grandmother. I wanted to crawl under the couch. :!

kris

[DCJenn]

That's close to the time my grandmother told my cousins and me, "well, girls, of course you sample before you buy." We didn't know what to do. We looked at each other in amazement. We cracked up. We got her another drink.

and here's the funniest part, when she was 'just' a parent she and my grandfather wouldn't let my aunt fly to Hawaii to visit my uncle who was there on R & R from Vietnam...my aunt who was engaged to the man. My aunt went anyway after intervention from my parents.

Jenn

[alison]

Jenn, that reminds me of when I was young and my grandmother was talking to a lady about kids. The lady was telling my grandmother that she really wanted to have them, but her husband was sort of wary about it. My grandmother said something to the effect of: "What's the problem -- he knows how it works to get them, right?" And then she proceeded to tell her which positions work best for conception.