Maine Middle School to offer Birth Control

[DrWahoo]

Re: Maine Middle School to offer Birth Control

Wow Color_Me_Sulky that was the most dynamic post I have ever read.

The dynamic that troubles me is that this policy pits two or one parent(s) against a whole system of thought and belief. Kids are being placed in a middle of a battle that is so unfair. They say it takes a village to raise a child, so what is a parent to do if everyone continues to undermine their authority and values. Not every child is going to hear the abstinence speech, all they know is so and so got a condom and is going to do it. Oh the wonder and amazement of doing something your parents said not to. I think its completely absurd to think that parents are the only one who can influence a child. No matter how good a parent you are in trying to instill proper values, your relationship with your child is not always going to be 100% In the past our culture reinforced and supported parents, not is seems it is all about undermining them.

[DrWahoo]

Re: Maine Middle School to offer Birth Control

Just as a joke, if parents really have problem there is also this option.

Jury Acquits Florida Woman of Child Abuse Over Daughter's Genital Piercing

NAPLES, Fla. — A woman who had her 13-year-old daughter's genitalia pierced to make it uncomfortable for her to have sex was acquitted of aggravated child abuse on Thursday.

The girl, now 16, had testified that her mother asked a friend in 2004 to shave the girl's head to make her unattractive to boys and later held her down for the piercing.

A jury deliberated for about three hours before deciding the mother's actions didn't involve punishment or malicious intent, or cause permanent damage or disfigurement.

The 39-year-old woman, whose name is being withheld to protect her daughter's identity, could have faced up to 30 years in prison if convicted of the charges.

The girl was not in court for the verdict. Her guardian declined comment.

"She was trying to protect me, but it hurt me," the girl testified earlier this week. "It not only hurt me physically, but it hurt me mentally. ... That's emotionally scarring. That's physical abuse."

Prosecutors said the mother called on a friend to shave the girl's head and do the piercing after realizing that she had been having sex, including with the mother's boyfriend.

Defense attorneys told jurors that the mother had trouble with her rebellious daughter and that the girl agreed to the piercing to help rebuild her mother's trust.

Child welfare officials were called after the girl became infected from the piercing.

Tammy Meredith, 43, who did the piercing in her home, was sentenced to a year in jail for her role. An arrest warrant has been issued for the mother's boyfriend on allegations he had sex with the girl.

[GrayMatterWife]

Re: Maine Middle School to offer Birth Control

Reminds me of those chastity belts women wore in the middle ages--that locked and the "chaperone" kept the key.

[GrayMatterWife]

Re: Maine Middle School to offer Birth Control

What is the percentage 11 yr olds w/out adult supervision and oversight, able to take this drug properly?

That would really scare me as a parent. Especially with BC. If your kid is having sex very young and (for fear of your disapproval) won't talk with you about it, what else is the kid doing? Like...smoking...a VERY dangerous thing to do while on BC. The incidence of blood clots is WAY higher if you smoke and the BC. In addition, if you're on BC, does that mean you're NOT using condoms? Pregnancy is a fear, but not the only fear!

But that aside, my feeling is this:

I am legally obligated to pay for my child's health care costs. I pay for that child's health insurance. If I have that obligation and perform accordingly, I think I have the right to know if the child is on prescription medication that could affect her health and needs proper supervision for use.

As an aside...I am confused about one thing: getting a prescription for BC is one thing; but the kid's got to pay for it, right? I mean, they're giving away prescriptions, not the (expensive) pills. My BC is a $25 a month copay. How's a kid going to pay for the pills...especially given that (if she's getting them without my permission), she won't be able to utilize my prescription insurance (so the cost would be way more than $25 a month).

[poky]

Re: Maine Middle School to offer Birth Control

As an aside...I am confused about one thing: getting a prescription for BC is one thing; but the kid's got to pay for it, right? I mean, they're giving away prescriptions, not the (expensive) pills. My BC is a $25 a month copay. How's a kid going to pay for the pills...especially given that (if she's getting them without my permission), she won't be able to utilize my prescription insurance (so the cost would be way more than $25 a month).

Actually, not necessarily.

The patch (ortho evra) was $30/month with no insurance through Costco's pharmacy when I was on it several years ago. My HMO didn't have it on their formulary, and that was the BC I wanted, so I paid for it out of pocket.

And I'm sure the older pills are probably at least that cheap if not cheaper, even without insurance.

Re: Maine Middle School to offer Birth Control

As an aside...I am confused about one thing: getting a prescription for BC is one thing; but the kid's got to pay for it, right? I mean, they're giving away prescriptions, not the (expensive) pills. My BC is a $25 a month copay. How's a kid going to pay for the pills...especially given that (if she's getting them without my permission), she won't be able to utilize my prescription insurance (so the cost would be way more than $25 a month).

I wondered the same thing. Maybe they would refer them to a clinic that gives out free prescriptions? :huh: If not, I agree, they would be stuck, probably only getting a prescription every once in a while - when they could find the money, once again using the pill in a way that is not meant to be taken.

I got on the pill by myself at a local clinic at age 18. DH and I were engaged, and a great councelor I had at a Christian camp of all places, sat me down and told me if I was getting married I needed to get on the pill before we got married, in case I did have any side affects to the pill - I could get it meshed out without ruining my honeymoon, or first few months of marriage. Ten years ago, it cost me $8 a month. My parents didn't believe in getting b.c. until you were married - an oppinion I highly disagree with, for the vary issues that my councelor pointed out. They also were upset when my sister at 20 got on b.c. to medicate her ovary cysts, that really upset me and I never understood they thoughts - she actually needed it, medically. I would assume maybe it could be bought for $5 now - but still that means a 11 yr old may have to steal to get $5 every month. And remember we are talking a lot about the inner city, under priviledged, which are more prone to abuse - how on earth is a child who's family is fighting to afford meat, gonna find $5 on her own every month?

Re: Maine Middle School to offer Birth Control

Double to the piercing story!

[GrayMatterWife]

Re: Maine Middle School to offer Birth Control

They give the pills away at planned parenthood. This would probably be the same thing.

Oh. Apparently, I should be going there for my meds!

[GrayMatterWife]

Re: Maine Middle School to offer Birth Control

As an aside...I am confused about one thing: getting a prescription for BC is one thing; but the kid's got to pay for it, right? I mean, they're giving away prescriptions, not the (expensive) pills. My BC is a $25 a month copay. How's a kid going to pay for the pills...especially given that (if she's getting them without my permission), she won't be able to utilize my prescription insurance (so the cost would be way more than $25 a month).

Actually, not necessarily.

The patch (ortho evra) was $30/month with no insurance through Costco's pharmacy when I was on it several years ago. My HMO didn't have it on their formulary, and that was the BC I wanted, so I paid for it out of pocket.

And I'm sure the older pills are probably at least that cheap if not cheaper, even without insurance.

Totally not on-topic, but sorta BC-related: my mom is SO annoyed with me. She's a pharmaceutical sales rep for a major drug company that produces an oral contraceptive. I was on her company's OC before I got pregnant, got off it to get pregnant, but then had MAJOR problems trying to get back on it after DS. My Ob/Gyn switched me to Yaz (this new kind of OC that was given the stupidist, most vapid-sounding brand name) that is not made by my mom's company. LOVE IT, LOVE IT!! I could not believe how well it works for PMS/PMDD. I'd never had either before DS (my periods were a day and a half long, no bloating, no moodiness--incredible), and didn't even realize I had a problem related to my cycle until my husband forced me to go to the ob/gyn. Seriously, I am a new woman. But, unfortunately, a defector from my mom's company...

[PrincessFiona]

Re: Maine Middle School to offer Birth Control

color_me_sulky,

Thank you for sharing your story. I think that that is what many of us were trying to get at...that the reasons that such young children are sexually active are representative of a more pervasive issue that needs to be identified and helped in some way other than handing out b/c. It feels to me that recognizing that the young child is sexually active (and knowing that it is symptomatic of a larger problem) and not treating it aggressively by offering counseling/family therapy/even psych meds etc if necessary is perpetuating the abuse of that child. Our role as adults is to intervene and stop the cycle of abuse.

Can you think of some kind of intervention that might help a child that age in a similar situation as your mom was?


Kris

Re: Maine Middle School to offer Birth Control

Can you think of some kind of intervention that might help a child that age in a similar situation as your mom was?

Kris, this really hit me and I really don't have an answer. She grew up in rural Arkansas, in a town of oh about 1000. Honestly, I would say mandetory therapy/counceling. She lived in a screwed up family, and was screwed up herself. Not much help from the family unit there. But truely, I don't know if the system could handle all the children who are in extremely bad need of intervention. But I do think, if a child gets pregnant at that age, social services should intervene. Children who are screwed up at this early of an age, have issues for a serious reason. They are not at that point a 16 yr old is when they are just hormonal and experimenting. An 11 yr old may know what goes where, but when in that perdicament, the mental thought of WTH is going on is what is happening - they are clueless.

We want children at this age to know of the birds and bees - to know the reason why their body is changing, but also to know what happens to help keep them from being victims of a crime by awareness, if possible. But to give them adult methods of keeping sexually safe, they have no capacity to use them properly or even think of them when/if the situation should arise is not a way to help, and it does not help.

Honestly, what we need IMO is for the government to help aid families to take care of themselves. To help the single mom, to not rely on bad care for their children - so they can work. To allow parents to be able to live and get jobs so someone is always there to take care of the kids. And for the kids with deliquent families, to allow the school to try to intervene on their behalf. But these issues are so multifaceted, that really there is no easy way to do these things - and to make sure services are rendered for their intended use, and not to be taken advantage of, such as welfare is by some. But the family unit needs to be seen as important, and it is not. Mothers can't breastfeed their babies, cause they have to get back to working at Wal-mart asap, and Lord knows Wal-mart isn't into giving pumping breaks. Familes, hard working families, can't afford health insurance, and many go without - even with both parents working. People who work in early education are highly underpaid, and we as a society don't see the reason to invest in our caretakers for our very youngest - so the most competant workers either take a major hit in salary to work, or they leave to work a job that pays better.

You can get in a place where you are compromising your families safety or best interest very quickly when you get in financial difficulty. DH and I got pg several years after we were married, and even on b.c., and we had NO plan on how to support a child who wasn't expected. I looked into care for our son, as I would have to work, and just bawled. In our price range we went to poorly run daycares where safety was definately in question, I went to several homes that had day care centers and were on the list of certified homes by the state and found questionable care (one home I interviewed had a large dog who charged at me while visiting, and found he was there at all times, and my heart just was pounding). We were stuck. I finally used a provider who worked in her home, and was used by a co-worker for years when her children were home, and in doing so I gave almost half my income for this woman to watch my two month old baby. Thankfully, my dad quickly decided that I could work for him, and I have ever since, and now take care of my own children. But I stared right into the fear my dad had when I was a baby - poor, having to work, and not always able to have family cover your needs.

There is not an easy solution, but boy do some things really need to change, and sadly in our American society, probably never will.

Sorry this is so long, just really hits home.

[madeintaiwan]

Re: Maine Middle School to offer Birth Control

I agree that there is no perfect solution and sex at the age of 11 is just not right. There is no way I would allow my child to have sex and that age, we would be in counseling and the possibilty of being to sent to a lock down facility would be discussed because that would not be acceptable behavior for me.

But I think if this is the reality for some, as in the inner city or rural communities, then they need to be educated (firstly urged not to have sex, then the consequences that can befall them) and taught how to properly protect themselves. 11 year olds can properly administer insulin to themselves and understand the consequences if they don't. My friend's daughter is 11 and has CF and has been giving herself enzymes and doing her breathing treatments pretty much on her own since she was 9. Sure there are adults who don't take the pill correctly but there are also plenty who do take it correctly, I know many women who have taken it correctly since they were in their very early teens and have done so effectively into their late 20s.

If an 11 year is having sex, they need couseling and I think that counseling should include advise to not not have sex, the consequences of sex, ways to protect themselves(don't have sex, condoms), the possible adverse side effects of BCP (including if they don't take them as directed), and to stress to them that they really need to seek out an adult (parent, aunt, grandparent, older sibbling, teacher, doctor, counselor, mentor) that they can talk to about these matters. I really think it is so important for all kids but especially children in "poorer" communities to have active mentor programs, community and rec centers, and good teachers and counselors in their schools. Many times for these kids it only takes one person to show care and interest in them and set expectations for them, for them to want to try and rise to the challenge. I don't think that giving BC is the solution but I really believe that having the health center there staffed with good experienced people can make a difference in this population. If they are spoken to with geniuine care and concern, the message is going to reach some of those kids. For most of these kids it's about not caring about themselves and having no one else to care about them or expect more from them. If someone that they can trust and look up to told them why are you hurting yourself, doing this is going to get you no one where, you can do better than this, and I can teach you how, I think you'd be surprised how many kids will take the message to heart. Don't give up on a population just because you think that can't listen and can't be taught. Some of them will listen if the right people speak to them.

Re: Maine Middle School to offer Birth Control

I agree Davita that we should try to reach the population, but I still argue that such a young and disfunctional population, as an sexually active 11 yr old, the idea of anything in their lives being orderly is just not true for probably 99% of them. Sure there is always the exception, but this is an age group that is not mentally mature, and are victims of coersion, rape and other various forms of abuse - they just can't take care of themselves on a daily basis to make sure these methods are affective.

My friend's daughter is 11 and has CF and has been giving herself enzymes and doing her breathing treatments pretty much on her own since she was 9.

I too was taking about 6 drugs for asthma and allergies at 8. I could take them properly - when reminded (still have that memory problem today ) But I'll wager that your friend's daugther didn't have one talk w/a physician or nurse, and then figured out how to monitor her health needs from that one office apt 100% there after. And probably, she had a parent or adult help her go to the dr, pick up her drugs for her, and oversee her care for possible additional dr apts.

The group we are talking about, is a severly disfunctional family, no family help, little education, seriously risky behavior, and probably is doing extremely poorly in school and not showing up on a regular basis - and that a child in this environment can figure out from one dr apt, one talk with a nurse, how to take the pill by herself, and remember to do it right in conjunction with the mass chaos she lives with every day, and remember to get a new prescription every month - needed to make this affective. It just won't work, sure there is the exception, but 99% of kids in this situation, are dealing with to many issues to care that much about their health and to remember to take care of their health. This is why they are still legally a child.

I to am all for the intervention we can throw out there, and we should, but I still remain steady in my assumption, that a pill would not be affective.

I've visited my mothers family over the years, and it's 100% dysfunctional. My mother's sister and BIL got busted for dealing drugs to high school students. My sister, the one mentioned above, got pregnant and delivered at 15. Every family member who lived with the family there had their own story of perpetuating this cycle. There was sexual abuse in the family, drug abuse and alcohol abuse (oh and alcohol was dealt out to the underage with no shame). Um, the only thing people could function and do for themselves daily was get alcohol and cigarettes. They live in trailors, and barely get by. And that is the adults, the kids just have to rely on the parents and hope they have it together enough to grow up in one piece themselves.

Eleven year olds in half way normal homes are not sexually active, they aren't in situations that could lead to it, they mentally aren't even wanting it, and physically they probably aren't even far enough along to handle it. Eleven yrs olds often are still saying yuck to the opposite sex, with some private curiosity. Then are not, high strung out addolecents wanting to jump the gun, ignoring mom and dad telling them to wait for the right person. Nope, they are still clinging to doll, and hotwheels. I know we all agree that this is the norm, and we are hoping to save the ones who are not in a normal environment - and we should try to save them by all means available,. It takes a LOT more than one pep talk with someone who cares, who sees the kid like once a week or once a month, to counteract this horror of a life they live. A child like this needs someone to mentor them like crazy. But that mentor is working agianst all those who are in this childs life getting in the way. Not to mention, if someone in the family found out this child was talking b.c. they would probably get backhanded and torn up in shreds by a scream fest. Like I said on paper it sounds great, but like you pointed out Davita heavy intervention, mentoring, and reaching out is needed throughout this childs life, and sometimes sadly that fails. Regardless of it possibly failing each child is worth dragging your knees through the filth, to help, we should always help - but a pill sitting in her drawer, isn't going to help a child in her living hell.

[madeintaiwan]

Re: Maine Middle School to offer Birth Control

:banghead: I stated that pills were not the best answer (hopefully counseling could persuade them to abstain) but to me at this time after consulting the child to abstain it seems like a better option than doing nothing, which obviously thus far has worked out so well for these kids. 11 year olds are not invalids. They may not be as mature as 18 year olds. Have you actually worked with and counseled this age group and population to know what they are capable of? You can't talk about an entire population in absolutes as if you know every single one them. There are many smart responsible and capable 11 years olds. DH's brother at the age of 9 was responsible for getting himself and DH who was 6 dressed, feed, and walked to school everyday. I have counseled and worked with children as young as 8 from this popualtion and they are not as ignorant and incapable of responsibilty as you think they are. I will reitterate again that being on BCPs at 11 is not ideal. These kids don't have parents who would be putting their heads in the sand. If there is a health center I would hope that there would be follow up treatment and counseling as it's not like you can get BCPs without a script from a doctor. No sex at 11 is the goal. And I wouldn't go around speculating what other people's kids and their parents were doing or not doing in terms of how they came to get treatment and administering their own meds. Some kids have to be responsible for themselves because their parents are in denial and think that ignoring a terminal disease is a better solution than teaching your kid about it and treating it.

[madeintaiwan]

Re: Maine Middle School to offer Birth Control

Be a mentor. Volunteer your time. Go and speak to these kids. Smile at them. Hug them. Give back to society. I can guarantee you that even 15 minutes of your time will positively impact at least one child's life.