Duggers expecting #19

[Vishenka69]

I have to agree that if they're not on assistance they can have as many as they like but I also agree that the children can't really say they have a "normal" childhood. I also don't watch any of the reality shows like this, whether it be this one or Jon & Kate. I think everyone has their own life they want to lead.

Yup, what she said. I'm also burned out by reality TV and TV in general.

[DCJenn]

Enough.

Who cares. I mean really. Who cares how many chldren they have, how her body parts work, what their children think.

WHO CARES? They're famous for being famous.

Move along people.

Jenn

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[MrsC]

I'm not going to judge the Duggars decision to have 19 children. That's their personal choice.

I am surprised that people with 5 children get comments from total strangers about it. Really, I don't consider that the be a LOT of kids, maybe 8 would be. Anyway it's nobody's business!
I think it's a generational thing. One grandmother of mine gave birth to 10 children, including two sets of twins, one baby was still born and she lost a little boy at 18 months who had Downs Syndrome. My other grandmother had 8 children and also raised her brother-in-law's 4 children when their parents died suddenly. I think they were amazing women to do that. 8 kids was the norm then in a strongly Catholic country. Just because people choose to have 2.5 kids these days, how does that make having more strange or weird?

There were 4 children in my family growing up and I loved it that way. My little sister is 9 years younger than me so I have a different relationship with her, we're all protective of her and in a way, helped to raise her.

There are a couple of things that would concern me with the Duggars. I would be worried that with so many kids, the older ones would have far too much of a burden on their shoulders and probably don't have the freedom of most teenagers. It's great to have siblings look after each other but to a limit, they should still have a childhood.
I would also be concerned about the risk of having children into her 40's. There is such a high risk of Downs Syndrome, for example and those risks increase as you get older. I don't understand why would you take such a risk with so many other children to care for? A baby is a blessing and I'm with the Duggars on that but even my grandmothers had a stopping point.

[MrsK]

Even at 40, the risk of Down's Syndrome is 1 in 94. Those are pretty good odds. At 40, there is a greater risk of miscarriage or infertility than there is for Down's Syndrome.

I think we've just changed as a culture. We have one child and then run out to buy a bigger house and a huge mini-van. We spend $900 on strollers. And we think these things are necessities and that our children are deprived if they have to share. It's become so unimaginable to live within our means that we cannot imagine how a large family manages. Personally, I'm facinated by the Duggars. I probably wouldn't choose to have 19 children, but if I started younger I'd probably have several.

Also, people are just nosy and feel that they always have to say something. There were 3 kids in my family and we were spaced very close together. We always heard the "got your hands full" comments and, frankly, it's not that big of a family. Also, as an oldest daughter, it was assumed that I was "mommy's helper." Not a bad thing. Frankly, it never bothered me to hold the youngest's hand or help him tie his shoes. It's not a bad thing for an older child to learn patience or to be nuturing with a younger child or how to keep house. Frankly, I think the youngest in our family missed out because he didn't have that experience.

[Chrisada]

My neighbors who are 30 and 31 have six kids and live here next to us in family housing. They also live on a Ph.D salary (and food stamps). They just had to buy what I call a church van for all of the kids. They are a traditional, white republican Catholic family from the midwest. They have a wonderful family and manage quite well. It is something I could never do. I get frazzled with my two kids! But to each their own. They have a super strong marriage and wonderful sweet well-behaved kids. So it works for them.

[MrsC]

Even at 40, the risk of Down's Syndrome is 1 in 94. Those are pretty good odds. At 40, there is a greater risk of miscarriage or infertility than there is for Down's Syndrome.

I just read that Michelle Duggar is 43. At 45 the risk for Downs Syndrome is 1/24. Those are not good odds. I don't know about other risks after 40, just took Down's Syndrome as an example.

[MarissaNicole]

I just read that Michelle Duggar is 43. At 45 the risk for Downs Syndrome is 1/24. Those are not good odds. I don't know about other risks after 40, just took Down's Syndrome as an example.

I heard today on the radio that when asked about it they responded that they are well aware of the risks associated with having a child at her age and they will love a child regardless of what needs it may have and that this child just like all the other children will be a gift from God.

Not entirely related but part of my thought between wanting 4 kids is that I have found largER families (6+) to often be REALLY well behaved. I went on vacay with two families - one had three kids and one had eight... I spent more time helping the family of three because their kids were needier. The kids in the larger family NEVER whined or complained and they were always helping eachother. Not saying that I love the family of three any less, I just observed that the kids of the larger family knew nothing other than to help eachother out (and they were even helping the other family).

And do not get me wrong - having more kids does not often mean they are more well behaved... you just have the opportunity to teach them different lessons.

All I know is that for me I would LOVE to have several children but I am also going to take it one child at a time... you never know what needs your children will have or what their personalities will be like (or what other factors will be thrown into your life).

They also live on a Ph.D salary (and food stamps).

See, but that's not "living on a PhD salary". That's depending on public assistance to finance your lifestyle choices. Somewhat of a different debate, but it does go to the Duggars providing for their family - even before they were famous. I would have more to say about them continuing to have child after child if they were also taking advantage of public assistance.

[SoonerTexan]

They just had to buy what I call a church van for all of the kids.

We had one of those. And it was white.
People used to try and get into it at the airport.
My dad thought it was cool to drive a big obnoxious white truck. My mother hated it.

My father was cruel every so often and made me drive it to high school and I parked it wayyyy in the back of the lot. I could drive a freakin' school bus if I had to now, though.

[Chrisada]

See, but that's not "living on a PhD salary". That's depending on public assistance to finance your lifestyle choices. Somewhat of a different debate, but it does go to the Duggars providing for their family - even before they were famous. I would have more to say about them continuing to have child after child if they were also taking advantage of public assistance.

Well I did say that they live on a PhD salary AND food stamps. The last pregnancy of twins was unexpected to them. And they made the choice not to abort, so yes that was a lifestyle choice. I'm not even going to go into a debate about temporary public assistance while in school. Already been there and done that.

[MrsC]

I heard today on the radio that when asked about it they responded that they are well aware of the risks associated with having a child at her age and they will love a child regardless of what needs it may have and that this child just like all the other children will be a gift from God.

I figured that this would be their take on it and personally, I would feel the same way if I was pregnant and found out the baby had special needs. Every child is a gift from God. But I wouldn't have 18 other children to look after.

I kind of feel for the kids, they're never going to have that level of attention from their parents that most children would get. It's just not possible. And the older ones are grown up before their time.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I figured that this would be their take on it and personally, I would feel the same way if I was pregnant and found out the baby had special needs. Every child is a gift from God. But I wouldn't have 18 other children to look after.

I kind of feel for the kids, they're never going to have that level of attention from their parents that most children would get. It's just not possible. And the older ones are grown up before their time.

It's true they won't get the attention that most parents can give their kids but I guess I wonder if kids really NEED that much attention. If you also get attention from siblings or a warm, loving extended family, isn't that ok too? What determines need?

I once read an article about siblings that explained the sibling bond. Those are the people that will be with your for the longest time through your life. Longer than your parents, your spouse, etc. unless there is an untimely death because your siblings know you in childhood, adulthood, and old age. I think that many loving siblings could result in a perfectly acceptable amount of attention. Also, remember that these kids don't know any different. And I've heard Michelle note that it's one reason why she homeschools so that she DOES have time with each child during the week because she has them all day, every day. Not all parents of 2 kids can even say that.

I'm going to declare this dead horse beaten. Time to start a new debate topic.

[rainbabies]

Nellie=kill joy.

but seriously...where's the awesome Tom and Katie thread. Now there's an interesting topic! Why didn't that historical piece make over on this new format? Hmmmm????