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OK- first let me say that this hits (obviously) close to home so bear with me.
Let me explain the process, first and then we can talk about the situation at hand...
When you adopt from Russia, you don't get a referral and get to think about it- you are invited to travel to Russia and you go. You're not invited unless there is a referral that the regional Ministry of Education has in mind. Sadly the way that the system works is that you will be given one referral (the 'best one') and you have to agree in the office whether to go to the orphanage. Then assuming you go and you meet the child and you spend some time and you decide to submit your application which is submitted to the MoE. You then return to the states and wait until you get a court date. We got hung up w/ changes to the process as a result of the some other Stupid Americans who actually killed their kid. Anyway, some amount of time passes - four months for us, and I think SamSugarMom as well. (they adopted a beautiful little girl in 2009)
So, you need to have met the child 15 times before you go to court. You go to court and then you wait. Some regions waive the mandatory 10-day period, ours did not. 10 days pass and I have a kid. At the moment I had physical control of his person he was my child. I received a packet of papers- all in Russian. In the packet are a copy of the original birth certificate, the original amended birth certificate (which changes the parent names to ours), and the original change of name document. (I showed these to Vishenka and her husband when they were here in SA- I had them framed) These documents were faxed to Moscow to be translated. Once we arrived in Moscow (we also had to get an expedited Russian passport) you have to have a physical exam of the child, then you have an interview at the American Embassy (where we had dropped off the documents which had been translated by our translator there and we picked them up from her on a street corner in Moscow)
Once you have the interview and you buy the Visa for the Russian passport you are free to leave. The moment the plane touches down on American soil, that child is AUTOMATICALLY granted American citizenship. Period. You don't need an American birth certifcate (that process is called readoption- some people think it will help their children down the road to have an American issued birth certificate but we haven't had any issues with our translated notarized version both with the Army and with enrolling him in public school)
So- to the matter at hand. This child was her child and she has documents in two languages that say so. You can't return your kid. Legally, she violated several laws, American and Russian. This child is also a Russian citizen, as is mine. You are obligated to register your child's Russian passport at the closest Russian consulate upon arrival. You are obligated to provide updates describing the child's well-being six months after arrival and once a year for the next four years. In our case, we registered at the Russian Embassy in DC and we've sent reports as required.
Now, the nitty-gritty. It's absolutely possible that this kid could be messed up- my husband has a colleague back in DC who begged him not to pursue the adoption because he adopted two older kids from Ukraine, both of whom suffered from severe reactive attachment disorder and both of whom required hospitalization. Those kids will never, ever be 'normal'. I don't know what region he came from and I'm not familiar with the adoption agency. In Russia, it's a lot about how connected your agency is with the officials. In our case, the MoE director who 'happened' to give us the referral for Nikolai also 'happened' to be my driver's mother-in-law. I wasn't supposed to know that, by the way. I'm a social worker, I pay attention to detail and am a keen observer of human behavior.
He could be scary messed up. or he could be a kid who is freaking out who sadly ended up w/ a parent unable to cope. She didn't search out the agency and she didn't search out any of the support networks. Look, it happens. It's called disruption and most of the time it happens for the best interest of the child and the family. When it does happen, it is supposed to be well-coordinated and well-supported with therapists and support networks.
My take- she decided that she bit off more than she could chew and rather than deal with it she decided to send him back. (which I hope everyone understands now, you can't do.) She's an asshole- whether she's an asshole with good intentions who got overwhelmed or she's an asshole who deserves her own circle of hell, I can't tell. That said, this could be the best thing for fostering the concept of adoption by Russians in Russia that they have ever had. That kid is now going get the best of the best therapy, because believe me, there's a certain part of the Duma that just loves to demonstrate that Americans are crappy parents. He'll be adopted by a Russian family. Soon.
Whew.
Jenn
PS- the worst part of this besides the obvious damage to the child is that there are hundreds of families who are now on hold. I've been there and I was crazy- just ask the old-timers- Kris, Kelly, Sally, Rapunzel. I was NUTS.
Let me explain the process, first and then we can talk about the situation at hand...
When you adopt from Russia, you don't get a referral and get to think about it- you are invited to travel to Russia and you go. You're not invited unless there is a referral that the regional Ministry of Education has in mind. Sadly the way that the system works is that you will be given one referral (the 'best one') and you have to agree in the office whether to go to the orphanage. Then assuming you go and you meet the child and you spend some time and you decide to submit your application which is submitted to the MoE. You then return to the states and wait until you get a court date. We got hung up w/ changes to the process as a result of the some other Stupid Americans who actually killed their kid. Anyway, some amount of time passes - four months for us, and I think SamSugarMom as well. (they adopted a beautiful little girl in 2009)
So, you need to have met the child 15 times before you go to court. You go to court and then you wait. Some regions waive the mandatory 10-day period, ours did not. 10 days pass and I have a kid. At the moment I had physical control of his person he was my child. I received a packet of papers- all in Russian. In the packet are a copy of the original birth certificate, the original amended birth certificate (which changes the parent names to ours), and the original change of name document. (I showed these to Vishenka and her husband when they were here in SA- I had them framed) These documents were faxed to Moscow to be translated. Once we arrived in Moscow (we also had to get an expedited Russian passport) you have to have a physical exam of the child, then you have an interview at the American Embassy (where we had dropped off the documents which had been translated by our translator there and we picked them up from her on a street corner in Moscow)
Once you have the interview and you buy the Visa for the Russian passport you are free to leave. The moment the plane touches down on American soil, that child is AUTOMATICALLY granted American citizenship. Period. You don't need an American birth certifcate (that process is called readoption- some people think it will help their children down the road to have an American issued birth certificate but we haven't had any issues with our translated notarized version both with the Army and with enrolling him in public school)
So- to the matter at hand. This child was her child and she has documents in two languages that say so. You can't return your kid. Legally, she violated several laws, American and Russian. This child is also a Russian citizen, as is mine. You are obligated to register your child's Russian passport at the closest Russian consulate upon arrival. You are obligated to provide updates describing the child's well-being six months after arrival and once a year for the next four years. In our case, we registered at the Russian Embassy in DC and we've sent reports as required.
Now, the nitty-gritty. It's absolutely possible that this kid could be messed up- my husband has a colleague back in DC who begged him not to pursue the adoption because he adopted two older kids from Ukraine, both of whom suffered from severe reactive attachment disorder and both of whom required hospitalization. Those kids will never, ever be 'normal'. I don't know what region he came from and I'm not familiar with the adoption agency. In Russia, it's a lot about how connected your agency is with the officials. In our case, the MoE director who 'happened' to give us the referral for Nikolai also 'happened' to be my driver's mother-in-law. I wasn't supposed to know that, by the way. I'm a social worker, I pay attention to detail and am a keen observer of human behavior.
He could be scary messed up. or he could be a kid who is freaking out who sadly ended up w/ a parent unable to cope. She didn't search out the agency and she didn't search out any of the support networks. Look, it happens. It's called disruption and most of the time it happens for the best interest of the child and the family. When it does happen, it is supposed to be well-coordinated and well-supported with therapists and support networks.
My take- she decided that she bit off more than she could chew and rather than deal with it she decided to send him back. (which I hope everyone understands now, you can't do.) She's an asshole- whether she's an asshole with good intentions who got overwhelmed or she's an asshole who deserves her own circle of hell, I can't tell. That said, this could be the best thing for fostering the concept of adoption by Russians in Russia that they have ever had. That kid is now going get the best of the best therapy, because believe me, there's a certain part of the Duma that just loves to demonstrate that Americans are crappy parents. He'll be adopted by a Russian family. Soon.
Whew.
Jenn
PS- the worst part of this besides the obvious damage to the child is that there are hundreds of families who are now on hold. I've been there and I was crazy- just ask the old-timers- Kris, Kelly, Sally, Rapunzel. I was NUTS.
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