Is having a best friend bad?

[GrayMatterWife]

Discouraging "best friends' smells to me of this whole trend of babying kids that has been going on for last ten years or so. Teacher and students are friends. Parents dictate to teachers [teach your own kids then]. Kids not being held accountable for their actions or lack of actions [they're just kids].

There are all kinds of relationships. Life is full of disappointments and rejections. I rather my child learn that at 5 and deal with it rather than go their whole life and fall apart at 30 when someone finally tells them no, I don't particularly care to be your friend. J has been picked on, on numerous occasions, often by the same child. There have been MANY tears. That's life. We don't all have to be friends. I do teach my kids that we do have to respect each other and that just because someone is unkind to us doesn't mean we get to lash back. Our actions, whether provoked are our responsibility and have consequences. Tell them, I'm sorry you feel that way and MOVE on, get another friend.

I think close friendships are extremely important. I don't think you should only have one friend in the whole wide world that you can depend on. As an adult I have all types of friendships [intimate, pals, acquaintances, friends who I've known for life and though we don't speak for years, it's just the same when we do, & friends due to circumstance]. All of these relationships add something to me and my life.

Cliques usually have more than two people in them. And kids who bully other kids are just mean. Bullies come in packs as well as in singletons. Prohibiting best friends won't stop bullying. Teaching kids about bullying, why we shouldn't bully, and holding bullies accountable is what will decrease bullying.

What she said!

[Ladybug]

I agree that nothing should be forced, and I said that in my first post. I'm sorry to hear that Tara's DD experienced being forced to be someone's friend. I think that's unacceptable and disrespectful of a student's personal rights but I didn't get that from this article or my own experience. I just think the author has a bit of a bias and is trying to make it sound like schools are going to interfere with any and all BFF relationships. I think the orgeon principle was quoted saying that they are not in the business of busting up friendships but providing plenty of opportunities for numerous friendships to seed and flourish on their own. As Davita said, that's great! Sometimes this means nudging students out of their comfort zone by assigning field day teams (instead of letting students self-select or sign up), lunch dates, big sister/big brother programs, etc. There are a lot of fun, creative ways of actively fostering these opportunities to magnify the interactions of students. I think we all agree that having only one friend is not optimal for various reasons especially in this mobile day and age. Opening an ongoing dialogue with students about the value of nourishing many and different friendships is a good thing in my book. I don't think it's controlling or out of boundaries for schools or sleep away camps that kids spend their entire summer at. They aren't at home with their parents in these situations, and leading a large group of kids must be approached differently than it would be in an intimate home setting. DDs school (all girls) does purposely tone down the BFF culture, opening dialogues about friendships and engineering (hehe-I couldn't resist using that world since it seems to have rubbed everyone the wrong way ) a variety of social situations that increase the girls' interactions and that purposely seperate BFFs to expand their interactions. I just wanted to share the positive side of this approach which I don't think the article fairly represented. I was a skeptic (it all sounded so touchy, feely, experts-know-best), but after three years I'm a believer. It's been highly successful and positive, and everyone's boundaries have been respected. I'm not replying again to be "right" but to share a positive, personal experience of this friendship approach at school. I realize my kids aren't middle schoolers yet and this limits my personal experience to elementary school...but I do have friends with middle schoolers who have had the same positive experience in this environment.

[Ladybug]

If we don't agree will you still be my friends?

[madeintaiwan]

If we don't agree will you still be my friends?

Of course!! I take them ALL and love them ALL, well I draw the line at roasting people BBQs... I just can't find it in me to hang with that.