Facebook announcements...

[MarissaNicole]

I kind of have strong opinions on this, as when my cousin (maid of honor) was having her first child, I found out on facebook, rather than from her. That kind of hurt, but at the same time she was planning to tell family in person, and it was not really her fault that someone congratulated her on her page.

Again today, I saw one of DH's best friends's wife is pregnant... again finding out on facebook. (Someone congratulated them, and then shortly thereafter they posted an ultrasound pic).

Personally when we announced our engagement I tried to be careful to make sure everyone I knew personally knew before it was mentioned on facebook. (Of course facebook wasn't as big 5 years ago, so it was easy just to call everyone on the phone immediately).

Anyways obviously I would rather get a text or phone call rather than reading with the public on facebook, but that is not MY decision, and either way I am excited for people's news.

But also along the same lines, I have a close friend who is struggling with infertility/miscarriage. And while I love hearing people's good news and seeing pictures of adorable babies, I think it must be so hard for people to constantly be seeing ultrasounds, birth announcements when they are having struggles. And since it is such a private issue, I just think that there are a lot more people struggling with it than know about it.

Anyways, I guess it has made me realize that if and when (God willing) we get pregnant, 1)we will try and tell friends and family not to mention it on FB, and 2) I don't think we'll do a FB announcement. My thought is that our friends and family will know so why announce it. Eventually people will figure it out, and I just don't see the need to publicize it.

Anyways NOTHING against those who do make announcements - as it is THEIR news, but just wondering what people's thoughts are on the issue? Isn't it sad that we have to be so careful about facebook?

[corn poffi]

I don't love Facebook announcements, especially with babies. Engagements I don't mind, as long as the person notifies everybody who "needs to know" first. Maybe it's just because I prefer weddings over babies. Unless it's a good friend of course. But then I already know that there's a baby on the way, so the Facebook announcement means nothing to me. I prefer when somebody waits until they are 5 months along or so, after everybody else is in the know and it's obvious that she's pregnant. Plus, the later the announcement, the shorter the pregnancy countdown. I'm sorry, I'm totally mean, but I really don't love babies.

I do have a Facebook friend who posted an ultrasound picture of her baby when she was about a month into her pregnancy. I'll let you fill in the blanks as to what happened. I think after that, I really started disliking the early announcements.

ETA: no offense to anybody. I just know what I would do, but it's not like I sit there and judge peoples' announcements or anything. I'm happy for them for being excited. I just might not share that same excitement.

[Vanquisher]

Personally, I like facebook announcements. Otherwise, I may not know if it was someone I cared about and didn't talk to often. Also, when to tell is the business of the mom and dad to be. If something were to happen with the pregnancy after an announcement, they can possibly get more support in their loss rather than trying to sweep their grief under a rug.

Of course immediate family and very close friends needn't find out on facebook, but sometimes it's the best and easiest way to make sure your news is out and no one is forgotten.


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[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I agree that family/friends shouldn't be finding out from facebook but I don't mind announcements in general once those things have already happened.

In fact, when we found out I was pregnant, we deactivated our FB walls so that no one could "out" us before we were ready. I posted pics and an announcement at 13 weeks. It was actually pretty neat because several people I'm not close with (freshmen year roommate, acquaintances from high school, etc.) were very excited for me even though I would never have called them to tell them otherwise. I would DEFINITELY recommend deactivating your wall though if you don't want anyone outing you on anything (engagements, babies, etc) because I've seen that happen a million times.

[civilspouse]

I agree. Sometimes I feel like I learn more about what's happening in my little sister's life from Facebook than from talking to her. When I was pregnant we told family and close friends and I never made an announcement on facebook. I eventually posted belly pictures since we are so far from family and that is the main way I share pics with them. I really like facebook as a way to connect with people, but I don't think it's the correct forum to share important news with people close to you. It feels very impersonal that way. When my brother-in-law got engaged they waited until they had told people close to them before sharing it on facebook, I really appreciated that.

Like Heidi said though I do love finding out information about friends that I may not be in close contact with. I think the timing is what is important. I didn't know you could deactivate your wall, that's a great idea.

[MrsK]

My brothers and SIL announced MY second pregnancy and K2's birth on their FB walls before I could spread the news. We were still at K1's birthday party where we announced the pregnancy when SIL posted on FB and I was in recovery from delivery when my brothers began spreading the news all over FB. Many of our mutual friends and my father learned the news via FB before I could tell anyone outside of my immediate family. I was PISSED. I still am but haven't said anything to them about it since they were caught up in their excitement, the moment has passed. I figure that I'll just have to include a "no FB" disclaimer the next time I have big news.

I have, however, gotten them to stop tagging me and my children on FB photos by telling them that DrK's more dangerous patients can find us and them via FB if they do that.

[oceanchild]

DH's cousins have taken to sending mass texts to cousins to announce their pregnancies. I think they are trying to make sure we hear about it before we see it on Facebook, but frankly, I don't think a mass text is much different from a Facebook announcement. And there are very few people from whom I would expect a personal call (our siblings, pretty much). So I guess I don't care much. This might be because I am a serious, long-time Facebook addict.

[Bittersweet]

I ended up getting flak because I didn’t make an announcement on facebook and a few old friends that I’m no longer close with didn’t know I was pregnant until after the baby was born. Guess you can’t win. Next time (if there is a next time), I’ll make a simple facebook announcement after I’ve personally informed my friends/family.

DH's cousins have taken to sending mass texts to cousins to announce their pregnancies. I think they are trying to make sure we hear about it before we see it on Facebook, but frankly, I don't think a mass text is much different from a Facebook announcement. And there are very few people from whom I would expect a personal call (our siblings, pretty much). So I guess I don't care much. This might be because I am a serious, long-time Facebook addict.

Agreed. Plus, I'd frankly feel more offended if it was a text vs. a Facebook announcement (probably some old, creaky person thing of mine). Facebook tricks me into feeling like it's "more personal" because there are pictures there.

A "please don't say anything on facebook" kind of disclaimer seems to be standard these days when people are announcing stuff in person. I make it a rule not to post about any big happenings on someone's page until I see the person write about it themselves!

[SuzySunshine]

My sister did what T&S did, she made it so people couldn't post to her wall and swore the 3 of us to secrecy until she told people in person and made her own announcement. Immediate family I would be pissed but I find out most things from fb otherwise, it's just easier.

Whenever my sisters and mom tell each other something of importance the question is always asked, can we say something on fb?

[SuzySunshine]

My MIL is also aggravated by the fact that I put things on fb. Her MIL, DH's aunts, MIL's great aunt all have fb accounts mostly to keep up with family so when she tries to tell someone something about me and they already know she gets mad - you know what? Both BIL and I have offered many times to set up an account for her so that she can just monitor, she doesn't even have to participate and she refuses so I don't feel sorry for her anymore.

[Chrisada]

We found out DH's brother's wife was pregnant through a FB announcement. Highly inappropriate. I sent the brother a message that I guess congratulations were in order. His response was that he would have liked to have had a Dr's appt.first before announcing to all of FB that his wife was all of four weeks pregnant. Wasn't his choice, but she loves getting attention from FB. She's also the person who announced on FB they were getting foreclosed on if they didn't come up with money in a week and loves to complain about her DH on FB. I do not get it.

As for sharing pictures of children, etc. This is what I do love about FB. All of my friends and relatives can see how the boys are doing and I can see how their children are doing. I think not posting because of sensitivity issues about possible infertility is a bit much. If someone doesn't want to see baby pics. then they can block your posts.

One thing I have noticed about FB is the constant complaining that some of my mom friends do several times a day about how hard their life is being at home with their kids. I've realized they just like the pity remarks.

[v-girl]

One thing I have noticed about FB is the constant complaining that some of my mom friends do several times a day about how hard their life is being at home with their kids. I've realized they just like the pity remarks.

You mean they don't sit around eating bon bons all day? That's what my friends and I do -- especially the ones who homeschool too.

FB is so weird. My old fashioned sense of etiquette and social mores haven't caught up.

Marissa, you are right that FB is a very hard place to be when struggling with infertility/miscarriage. I went inactive on FB when I desperately wanted a baby I couldn't seem to have, and every time I logged in my feed was nothing but smiling babies and ultrasound photos. It made me too sad, too alone.

FB has that effect though not only on the infertile, but everyone to some extent. No one is as open about sharing struggles as they are about sharing happy news. (Well, some people are, but that's equally weird for those not close to them.) It's a forum for sharing happy news. When I do occasionally check in, I find out S's husband sent her flowers for the fifth time this week, E's baby is sleeping through the night and talking in complete sentences and running marathons at 4 months old, M loves Jesus and sunsets and puppies. And that's awesome, and I'm happy for them, but it's not the kind of sharing you do with a real friend, when you are genuinely delighted to hear that A had a blast at the wedding, because she also shared with you that she's been really lonely recently. When you see only the happy news, it's hard not to develop a skewed perspective on your "friends'" lives.

I don't do facebook announcements. I occasionally check my page out of curiosity, mostly to see pictures of my friends' kids. I feel very weird when I learn news I would have expected to hear personally, especially since I don't really maintain a facebook presence. Do I say something in person about news I haven't been told in person? Just pretend I don't know? It's awkward, but I'm not offended. I've never had to deal with anyone posting my news on FB. I guess I'm just not that interesting!

[Chrisada]

You mean they don't sit around eating bon bons all day? That's what my friends and I do -- especially the ones who homeschool too.

No, they do the same thing I do, raise kids, with little help from anyone else. A choice they and I made. But the constant epic
complaining some of my friends do 3 and 4 times a day is a bit much. Sorry.