Nagging

[SoonerTexan]

Not sure if this should be in debates or marriage matters...I'm putting it here to be on the safe side

Interesting article:

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB1000...Tabs%3Darticle

And here's the Jezebel take on it:

http://jezebel.com/5879258/naggy-ant...=relationships

I admit I'm a nagger. I try to stop (and have had some success), but it often feels like a battle between holding my tongue and getting my husband to actually take out the dang trash

On one hand, DH has admitted that I'm sometimes justified in my nagging and it helps him remember to do certain things. On the other hand, I wonder if it just makes the problem worse be he expects it. We have had some good conversations about it and made some positive improvements, but I think it is just one of those things that is always going to be there, even if it is just a little bit. But is it a "marriage killer?"

What do you think? Will the men of IMSN please weigh in on this???

And now I'm going to remind him to pay the utility bill for the third time...:P

[GrayMatterWife]

I don't nag. I have neither the time or the patience to harrangue someone into meeting his responsibilities.

Of course, that doesn't mean my method better nurtures my marriage.

I am a "consequences" woman. You change the baby's diaper and were too stupid/oblivious/self-absorbed or whatever to throw it away and instead leave it on the changing table for me to find? I am not going to ask you to throw it away. I am not going to nag you into doing a job completely. I am going to put the dirty diaper in your office (or, if I am really creative, in your brief case).

You didn't clean up your office after we agreed that it had become a paper graveyard? No nagging. I have a much simpler solution to MY problem: I have a nice big sturdy box into which I will indiscriminately throw all of your paper crap and take it to the dumpster. Really important documents in there? Not my problem. If you wanted it done your way, you should have done it timely.

I sure my husband WISHES I nagged.

[MrsK]

I nag. And it makes me far more miserable than it makes DrK. I'm an "extremely organized, obsessive or anxious person" as described in the article. He's spectacularly disorganized and grew up in a home where he and his dad habitually tuned out every time MILK opened her mouth. Obesssive and anxious doesn't even begin to describe her. So, a lot of the time, DrK really has mentally drifted to outerspace and he genuinely did not hear me the first 86 times. He says that I SHOULD nag him. Drives. Me. Nuts. And, for me, it's a romance killer. I don't enjoy feeling like my neurotic MIL or like the resposible grown up or mean mommy. And I really don't enjoy feeling ignored. It's just not sexy.

He does really super well with to-do lists but it's more of the day-to-day "please put X back where it belongs and not in the back of the high shelf that I cannot see so that I can find it when I need it" or "don't leave steak knives/hot beverages/razor blades on the edge of the counter where the kids can get them" kind of stuff that I have to nag about. I don't mind taking out the trash or picking up his socks but the rest is not exactly the sort of stuff that you can leave to practical consequences.

[MrsK]

FWIW, he nags too. But it's usually about something very abstract or low on my priority list. Things like "did you follow up about that $9 refund that we are entitled to?" Or "when are we going to Italy?"

[GreyhoundsRUs]

My nickname is "honey badger"... It's all about a well-placed nag - there are specific times I try to avoid nagging. In some aspects, I treat him like a toddler - "Do you want to put the baby in her carseat or go get some milk defrosted?" It's a win-win!

[diggitydot]

I don't typically nag DH. He's an adult and if he fucks up, it's his own ass. However, I nag the ever loving shit out of the kids over every. damn. thing. It's drives me bonkers, but it drives me more bonkers when they don't do the shit they're supposed to do.

[Mrs. MD, Esq.]

I nag a bit...I do t think much, but enough that I was nicknamed the nagivator by my DH...awk...

[SoonerTexan]

My nickname growing up was "the hammer"

And DH knew this before he married me.

[MDPhDWife]

I haven't read the article yet, but I know I've mentioned here before that DH has nicknamed me "Nagatron 5000".

Off to read the article that will only reinforce what I bitchy nag I am.

[MissCrabette]

I nag. When I don't, shit doesn't get done. I wish I had the luxury of not nagging, but his failures usually affect me, so... Meh. I'm not even embarrassed by it.

[medpedspouse]

I don't nag...it annoys the hell out of me to - why do I have to be the grown-up, responsible one? However, I do make lists for him and have found that this works for DH. When I was commuting for work, I would come home on Fridays. My mom once let the cat out of the bag that DH would get all anxious on Thursday because he was trying to accomplish all that was on the list before I got home....mind you, dude had all week to get the crap done. IF I really need to pull out the big guns, I don't nag, instead I give him the "I am not angry, just disappointed" spill - which he haaaates.

[Vanquisher]

My DH has two women who nag him. It's completely necessary. I wish I didn't have to.

[HouseofWool]

My DH has two women who nag him. It's completely necessary. I wish I didn't have to.

And sometimes we get the receptionist in on it too.

Sent from my DROIDX using Tapatalk

[ladymoreta]

We do the "time frame" thing a lot, so nagging really isn't a problem for us. DH is really good about letting me know when he will do something I ask, and usually does it when he says. I think unless it's an emergency, telling your spouse to do some chore and expecting them to stop what they're doing and take care of it immediately is disrespectful. Even if they're just goofing off or playing video games.


Laurie

[peggyfromwastate]

Laurie I take that approach by asking him to do something (something that's on to do lists, on his "chore" list, etc) when it's convenient. If he blows me off even when I ask him at a good time- if he sighs, rolls his eyes, says he will get to it... Sometimes I go apeshit on him and sometimes I just let it go. But if he's done that-- blown me off-- damn skippy I'll interrupt whatever he's doing even for something stupid like getting the mail.

If I don't nag, I do it ALL which is how it goes, but I'm tired of this endless list of stuff to do.

I don't bother with to do lists anymore. What's the point. He will only look at it if I remind him. So I'm nagging him to look at the to do list, then he's asking me why he has to do whatever's on the list and when he's supposed to do it and how to do it... It's so stupid. Seriously he's the king of efficiency at work. I just want a tiny bit of initiative at home.

But alas- I have to do the toddler thing too. I give him one job at a time.

I don't have to nag about trash and dishes anymore. Not dh anyway-- I have to nag the kids bc slowly dhs chores have become their chores. Now I nag dh to try to help me get the kids to remember their chores. Sigh.