Debate: Article on resenting your children

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...#ixzz2PuPJefdS

Thoughts?

Do you believe as she says that many people feel the way she does above their children? For childfree members, does this resonate with you?

[SoonerTexan]

I believe all mothers feel a little or a lot resentful of their children at times...but not to the extent she is portraying. A lot of what she is saying reminds me of what post-partum depression might look like. Even if she does feel this way, writing the article is a pretty cold thing to do to her children.

Bottom line--it's the Daily Mail and I'm inclined more than anything to believe this was written purely with clicks in mind.

[v-girl]

That makes me sad for her kids.

[Thirteen]

I believe all mothers feel a little or a lot resentful of their children at times...but not to the extent she is portraying. A lot of what she is saying reminds me of what post-partum depression might look like. Even if she does feel this way, writing the article is a pretty cold thing to do to her children.

+1.




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[L.Jane]

she talks so high and mighty about how she would never be selfish and not have the kids because her husband wanted them or having only one is selfish and goes on about how you should never have a nanny because that is wrong too.... I find the woman to be a judgmental ass.... She shouldn't have had kids.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

she talks so high and mighty about how she would never be selfish and not have the kids because her husband wanted them or having only one is selfish and goes on about how you should never have a nanny because that is wrong too.... I find the woman to be a judgmental ass.... She shouldn't have had kids.

I pretty much agree although I do know some people that share the opinion that one parent should be home with kids if you decide to have them (if it's financially feasible). The theory being that if you like your career enough to work when you do have to, don't have kids because you like your work more? Quitting my job is a pipe dream anyway but I can theoretically understand that viewpoint even if I don't share it.

[Mrs. MD, Esq.]

Her writing is so detached its scary...I felt like it was written by a sociopath...

[poky]

I'm at work and can't easily articulate my thoughts about this, especially in a public forum. I will say this, though:
To me, this parallels the introvert/extrovert discussion. Introverts know and understand extroverts because they don't have a choice, because they're in their faces every. single. day. Extroverts have to struggle to even comprehend that anyone could be an introvert, and never really "get" it. Same thing with people who don't want kids vs those who do. People who've always wanted kids just DO NOT GET why anyone would not, but those who don't are absolutely bombarded with the majority opinion that not wanting kids makes you a bad/selfish/unnatural person. I also get the feeling from the article that a large part of her antipathy toward having kids was rooted in an analytical rational introversion. Her mistake, to me, was in falling in love with someone who wanted so badly to be a dad. There IS no compromise in that situation. You either break up, or SOMEONE will be resentful. To me, they made the best they could of the situation they were in. She volunteered to be the one with the majority of the resentment, and did the absolute best she could by her kids despite the resentment. It was a rational, analytical selfless choice.

She puts an interesting twist on it, to me, in her absolute dismissal of only children. I understand that the prejudice against onlies exists, but I don't think it's any more rational than the idea that people that don't want kids at all are selfish. *shrug*

[GrayMatterWife]

What a bitch.

What? You think you're bold and daring because you admit that you resent your kids? Everyone resents their kids to some degree. They are a huge time and resource suck--who wouldn't? If it weren't for my kids, I'd be rich and traveling throughout Europe. I'd be driving a much nicer car, have much nicer clothes, and have much more engaging, enriching hobbies. Resentment is human.

The fact that you feel that way isn't the problem. The problem is that you can't be bigger than your emotion, and keep it in check by not publishing it to the world (and make it available to your kids). Just because it is true doesn't mean it has to be said. Is the need to form a sisterhood with like-minded moms really more important than shutting the hell up about the fact that you think your kids are human leaches? You're not brave--you're selfish. And dull and ordinary and unilluminating. Nothing you've said is an original thought. It is original only in the breath-taking scope of self-absorption and self-entitlement.

[GrayMatterWife]

Her mistake, to me, was in falling in love with someone who wanted so badly to be a dad.

Way better said than my remarks. This is the real point.

[bobk]

That was a painful read. Two points:

1) Attempting to be both happy and fulfilled all the time is not a sane nor realistic goal in life. Hardships, sadness, pain and death come for us all and we have to face that as much as we'd prefer not too. I also believe that most people have a "default" level of happiness they return to no matter what their circumstances in life, outside of some severe extremes. It's likely that this woman would be equally miserable at this point even without children.

2) I find it disturbing that it's more common for people to view having children as just another lifestyle choice rather than a normal and necessary part of adult life. I totally understand why any particular individuals can't or don't think they should have children, but it's not healthy when the majority are thinking this way. It seems like we're reaching that tipping point. We are in population decline and our world is aging rapidly. That may be a positive thing from an environmental standpoint, however it will be painful for human societies.

[Mrs. MD, Esq.]

I don't think it's unnatural to not want children...but I think it's horri to have them and then make it immensely clear that you never wanted them and regret their very existence. Some things are better not said (to her children at least).

[Bittersweet]

Look, there are moments when I’m acutely aware of how much more complicated and difficult my life is with children. I get that. But to say you get NO emotional return from your children? Yeah, I can’t go there. Mom or not, this chick is cah-razy! And can I just say, I’d probably like parenting a whole lot less if I had to be miss mommy martyr 100% of the time. Signed, a happy mom who doesn’t think it’s selfish to have only one child, not breastfeed, and work and who thinks actually loving your kids *gasp* is more important than living according to some imaginary set of rules.

[poky]

I also see a parallel here to those of us here who really wanted to be doctors, but ended up deciding that it just wasn't feasible because our spouses got there first and there was no reasonable way to have it all. Should those people just swallow that resentment and not make it public? Not a perfect match, but as I said, I see some parallels. In this particular case, I can guarantee you she's not saying anything that her husband and kids don't already know. It's not going to hurt them. Don't feel sorry for her kids; they have two very involved parents, both of whom love them very much, even if one of them is less emotionally invested than the other, which is a hell of a lot more than a lot of kids get. Just because the less-emotionally-invested parent doesn't happen to have a penis doesn't make their family more worthy of pity than any other.

[poky]

2) I find it disturbing that it's more common for people to view having children as just another lifestyle choice rather than a normal and necessary part of adult life. I totally understand why any particular individuals can't or don't think they should have children, but it's not healthy when the majority are thinking this way. It seems like we're reaching that tipping point. We are in population decline and our world is aging rapidly. That may be a positive thing from an environmental standpoint, however it will be painful for human societies.

Really? Population DECLINE? Since when?