Last Names, Marriage, & Kids

[SuzySunshine]

I took DH's name, the kids as well. We seem to have friends that have done just about everything though I had to laugh when one of DH's med school classmates got married and the husband took the wife's name. We always knew who wore the pants in that family and it still holds true. Hah!

My nephew is a product of divorce and is now struggling with what to do with his name. He is 16, he dad is a deadbeat but legally he is still his dad and he has his last name. But he's very much his step-dad's son and at school he uses his stepdad's name. On his letter jacket he had it hyphenated. If it wasn't for his dad's parents, who he is still close to, I think he'd legally have it changed when he turned 16.

Names are a touchy business for a lot of people I think.

[HouseofWool]

I have a friend from high school (who is also my BIL's older sister - this town is too small!) who when she married, both she and her husband hyphenated their last name, so they are the K-F's and the kids all have the same last name.

[alotofyarn]

There was a long conversation about this recently in an academia forum that I also visit. Because we publish and our names are important, plus there are several feminists, I was in the minority who changed my name. I actually considered not using my married name professionally, but we got married young and I hadn't published at all, so nobody knew who I was under my maiden name, so I ended up just going for it all and changing it. I did take my maiden name as my middle name though, because I was kind of attached to it. I've seen all sorts these days though, and even recently had a friend and her husband both totally change their last name to an unhyphenated combination of both of their last names. I know it's not the most important thing in the world, but I like having the same last name as my husband and our future children.

[SuzySunshine]

We know several female docs that keep their maiden name professionally because of publishing/licenses/etc., because they were single when their careers started, but still use the family name as a family. I'm not sure which is their legal name though.

[diggitydot]

We know several female docs that keep their maiden name professionally because of publishing/licenses/etc., because they were single when their careers started, but still use the family name as a family. I'm not sure which is their legal name though.

We have several friends who've done this, too. I didn't know that one of them used her maiden name until I went to find her baby shower registry. It was listed under her husband's last name and I had no clue what it was.

[SoonerTexan]

My maiden name was a girls first name. Happy to be rid of it and the confusion it caused

[GrayMatterWife]

I tok my husband' name in recognition of our religious belief that marriage is a covenant that unites two into one flesh. It certainly is not required by the faith, and there is nothing irreligious about keeping one's own name. It was just a symbol for us. We never considered both of us taking my last name. Right or wrong, that would have been kind of immasculating in our culture. I was also proud to be his wife, and taking his last name was a way for me to convey that.

Otherwise, I would have kept my maiden name. I don't really like his last name!! And I HATE being called the same name as my MIL!

[MrsK]

I changed my name notwithstanding that I was published and had many professional accomplishments with my maiden name. I was thrilled to be rid of my obscure maiden name which was always mispronounced and to move up in the alphabet. However people still mess up my new last name, mispronounce it, mistake it for a girl's first name which is a different name all together.

[reciprocity]

wife kept her maiden name, and when we refer to the household her name comes first (because it just flows better that way) so our current thought is that kids will have hyphenated names with hers first, but we also discussed giving a boy my last name and a girl her last name.

[Thirteen]

wife kept her maiden name, and when we refer to the household her name comes first (because it just flows better that way) so our current thought is that kids will have hyphenated names with hers first, but we also discussed giving a boy my last name and a girl her last name.

Do it, do it!


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[moonlight]

Kept my last name and its funny how many years it takes for new friends to notice. At DD's school and her DR's office I go by Mrs. husband's last name. I strongly felt that DD should have her father's last name because that is the typical American way of naming children. I appreciate its different in other countries, but are not in one of those countries. Ya see? I can be conservative when it comes to certain things.

[MrsSz]

We also did the traditional American thing. My sister has an interesting dilemma. Her first name is the same as her boyfriend's ex-wife, who has terrible credit. She's concerned that if she takes his last name if/when they marry, her good credit will get mixed up with the ex's, so she's not sure she'll change her name.

My SIL has my same name... and I'm not her biggest fan Ive gotten a call about her past due bills, but nothing appears on my credit report... I think they have to have a SSN to really put anything on there but what do I know..

It was really important to DH for me to be MrsSz even though my maiden name is a dream to say and spell. For me, it made me feel like we started something of our own, but I kept my maiden name as my middle name, so I still feel like the old me Kids will be BabySz for sure but my maiden name will likely be their middle name..

[niener]

I took my husband's last name because I just plain didn't like my maiden name. It didn't flow well and no one ever spelled it correctly. DH's name sounds good and is common enough that it's not a problem to spell but not so common that I could be easily mistaken for someone else. Last names as symbolic of one's connection with that part of the family wasn't really a factor for us. If that was the deciding factor we both would have taken my family name over his. That's actually the only thing neither of us like about his last name, is its connection to his father, but that's only relevant to people within the family anyway.

[diggitydot]

My maiden name has zero sentimental attachment for me. It was taken on by my paternal great-grandparents when they emigrated from Finland and wanted to Americanize their names. I had zero relationship with my father, so keeping or having his name is meaningless.

DH's last name is also one that was taken on by his ancestors when his tribe was Christianized. He's Native American, I'm Finnish, and we have a misspelled Middle Eastern last name. Talk about your melting pot...

[WolfpackWife]

I don't have a horse in the kids name's race, but I took DH's last name, too. After almost an entire year. Before getting married I never really thought too much about it...it didn't bother me one way or another about "giving up" my last name but when it came down to actually DOING it...it took me a while before I was ready. I felt like I was abandoning my dad and it sort of killed me to think that way. Finally, I did what every other woman in my family did (and from what I hear is pretty traditional in the south at least)...took DH's last name, and made my maiden name my middle name. I always wanted to take my husband's last name, but then I did find it hard to actually do. Plus, when I realized I'd be "Mrs. ___"....just like his mother...I was less enthused about the whole thing.

That said...I'm proud to be "Mrs. DH" but changing my name has been a gigantic, painful, torturous bitch of a process that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemies. I immediately regret this decision.

Oh...and another reason I wasn't jumping to change it was, on the morning of my wedding at my bridesmaids luncheon thrown by my aunt/godmother, someone said "Oh, tomorrow we can call you "Mrs. ____" and my MIL chimed in "I'll always be the FIRST Mrs. ____, don't forget that". Ugh.