kindergarten "red shirting"- again

[Ladybug]

Can you Red shirt in public school? They're really strict about dates around here. There's more flexibility in the private system. I'm holding DS back. He's an August birthday, smaller than all the girls in his class, and hitting milestones on the low-average side.

[niener]

GMW that's exactly the situation that concerns me with the popularity of red-shirting. How extreme are people going to go with this? There will always be a youngest and smallest kid in every class. If all those kids are held back eventually the smallest and youngest first grader will be 8 years old.

I think holding back to gain advantage over their peers is just asking for a snowball effect to get out of control, personally. If they're not emotionally or academically ready then that's another thing. I'm a Sept bday and was nearly always the youngest in my class, or close to it. It never troubled me, but I was always a slightly older soul. DH is a Dec bday and was thus always one of the older kids in his class but he was tiny, definitely one of the smallest boys. He's a natural athlete though and an excellent work ethic so he excelled in sports despite his size. So I guess all that to say, I think it just depends on the kid.

[niener]

Oh for those who mentioned HS kids graduating that aren't emotionally ready for college yet (or for those of you who were those kids), has there been any consideration given to taking a year off inbetween the two? I know a couple of people from my high school who did this and either got a job or travelled for a year and all of them got multiple college acceptances the following year. I know for some there's the fear that once they stop they won't go back -- I'm sure that happens often too, I just happen to know the ones it worked well for.

[Sheherezade]

I think the medical lifestyle brings a unique twist to this. When our son started school, he fit with the community norms. Then we moved - and the age-to-start norms were dramatically different in the new locale. We even consulted the teachers in his current school about holding him back then - but they thought that would be academically damaging. He was always a strong student and never had any problems. Making him repeat second grade just to "fit in" would be extreme.

So - one more difficulty to consider when you are carting a family around during training years.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I completely agree that this seems to be an arms race to get a "leg up". It's why in affluent areas, many children don't start school before 6 and in less affluent areas, kids start ASAP because parents need the childcare! I honestly think it will create even more academic disparity in our country than already exists. I think it has to be evaluated at the individual child level but given the "arms race", I might be in favor of firm cut-offs with exceptions only made for kids who get evaluated or something.

My brother was born 9/2 and my parents pushed him ahead. He was the youngest and consequently smallest in his class every year (we don't come from a tall family to begin with). He actually had the soccer coach tell him in 9th grade, you've got the skill to make JV but I don't think you're big enough. He was devastated and dropped out of school sports entirely - we only found out later that this happened or obviously my parents probably would have addressed this. I think he would have really benefited from being held back one year but my mom needed to go back to work. Compare this to DH who was basically unintentionally red-shirted by homeschooling and was 6'6'' when he entered high school. My brother was 5'0'' and 100 lbs in 9th grade (literally, he wrestled at 103 his freshmen year)...It was really, really hard for him socially.

I on the other hand had basically the same experience as LSW. I skipped 1st grade after 6 weeks and was always the youngest/smallest in my class - no big deal for a girl. I did always have to play like I knew what the girls were talking about (I found out about periods on the first day of second grade and sex in 5th grade and I had to pretend I knew what was going on) but academically, it worked out fine. I think I would have benefited a lot from a gap year before college but again, I think that's something that the "haves" do that the "have nots" don't...

[SuzySunshine]

I'm glad my kids are not in a place that I feel this choice has to be made. With Nov and Dec birthdays they are right in the middle and I 'm fine with that. A has a boy in get class this year that was held back, he's huge! On the other hand I know a boy in the other K class that was also held back, he looks like he fits right in. Another boy from A's class last year was held back because he was obviously not ready emotionally and his mom is so glad she did. On the other hand I have a friend with a girl she held back because she just turned 5 in July, she now wishes she had sent her because she found out after the fact there would only be 11 in her class but I think emotionally it was the right call.

I think it's all VERY child dependent, here the public/parochial date is 9/1 but the private school we are thinking of is 7/1.

I will just say that I think holding them back for sports is ridiculous! Academic or emotions/socially fine, but not sports!

[ides]

Hum. I didn't realize holding kids back was popular. Here I was fretting that O would be the oldest in his K class and he would be the weird old kid. His b-day is two weeks after the cut off date and is essentially "forced" to be held back and will start K just before he turns 6. He's in a pre-k 5's class right now and its half day. He might be able to handle full day now but will be more ready next year it appears.

[alison]

My dd's birthday is 9/1, and she just turned 4. She's the youngest in her class, and it is HORRIBLE for her. She hates school, and asks me every day how many more days there are until Friday. She is academically ready, as silly as that sounds for age 4. But, girlfriend is able to read to some degree. She has an interest in the reading and math that they do in her pre-k class. Most days, I feel like that academic stuff is fine and dandy, but she is NOT emotionally ready for school at all. And who cares if you can read if you're up at night worried about there being school the next day. I should have held her back. There are kids in her class, who I swear wear a ladies size 6 shoe. She's itty bitty, and just so uncoordinated and awkward.

To give you an idea of how she's academically ready, yet not emotionally so, she asked me to teach her how to read a clock so that she can see for herself how much longer school is.

[PrincessFiona]

Alison, this breaks my heart. There are legitimate reasons to hold a child. Pull her out and start again next year. There is no good that can come of everyone struggling.

Kris

[diggitydot]

Alison, this breaks my heart. There are legitimate reasons to hold a child. Pull her out and start again next year. There is no good that can come of everyone struggling.

Kris

Yup. All sorts of this. It's not worth it and will end up breaking her spirit and love for learning before she even really begins.

And maybe have her screened for anxiety? Her reactions seem disproportionate, but I could be wrong. Having a kiddo with a panic and anxiety disorder, I HIGHLY recommend erring on the side of intervening earlier rather than later.

[peggyfromwastate]

Can you Red shirt in public school? They're really strict about dates around here. There's more flexibility in the private system. I'm holding DS back. He's an August birthday, smaller than all the girls in his class, and hitting milestones on the low-average side.

You can't red shirt in CA-- I think this is coming to other states. The state sets the age cutoff dates, and that's it. It's extremely hard to get them to adjust that. Dd5 turned 5 August 21--- 2 days after starting school here. She is fine academically (the stuff is not hard... Just tedious enough to make kids lose interest quickly) and maybe doesn't behave as well as she could. But I'm not sure an extra year would change that. A kid in her class just turned 6---- he is by far the oldest in the class. If he was born a few weeks earlier, the state would require him to be enrolled in first grade, because here if you are 6 by sept 1 (I believe that's the cutoff--- it changes often) then you go straight to first. It doesn't matter if you have never been to preK, kinder, or even if you know how to write your name. Age 6= first grade.

I find sports in school are much less important. High school sports aren't even a big deal. The athletes play club sports, and those are strictly controlled by age. It's been interesting to watch how school sports have changed over the years due to the fact that if your kid wants a sport they usually must specialize by age 10.

[Michele]

I just didn't register d for school....and when I registered him for K he was 5 already, about to turn 6 (aug 22 in a sept 1 cutoff). Would Cali have made him go to first?

[PrincessFiona]

I agree with Wendy about getting her screened. This may be less about her lack of school readiness and more a function of anxiety. This is good information to have. If this is anxiety, it won't help to pull her...

I'm not saying there is necessarily anything wrong btw, just that it is something to consider.

[HouseofWool]

Alison, I too think getting her screen is a good idea. Once we got C's anxiety under better control, his whole world opened up.

[peggyfromwastate]

I just didn't register d for school....and when I registered him for K he was 5 already, about to turn 6 (aug 22 in a sept 1 cutoff). Would Cali have made him go to first?

No he would have been ok probably bc he was on the right side of the cutoff. They would say if you are 6 on sept 1 you must go to first. This is a new law--- but it is a law. And people have been pushing back, but so far the state has been firm.

It's also really hard to move your kid up too--- so if you have a child who turns 5 on sept 10, and you want him to start K when he's just shy of 5, the district doesn't let you do this without extensive "readiness" testing.