Debate of the week: Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays?

[mommax3]

I either say "Merry Christmas" or "Enjoy the holidays."

[MrsK]

This! It was so awkward when one of the very nice people in the apt complex asked B if he was excited for Santa Claus and when he looked at her blankly I explained he had no idea who that was. Luckily B was quickly distracted by something else going on and I didn't have to explain to him.

I usually respond by brightly saying something like, "Oh, Santa doesn't come to our house but we had a very nice Hannukah." This still has me sharing more than I'd like with a stranger and my kids questioning me about why Santa doesn't come and whether Hannukah is the same as Christmas but I also have to teach my kids to be polite to adults and we'll - meaning strangers.

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[diggitydot]

And this is why I hate small talk, particularly by customer service people. Be polite, ring me up correctly, and get me the fuck out quickly and efficiently. That's all I want. I don't give a shit about your grandkids' being spoiled rotten by their parents, that your daughter is going back to college, or your opinions on vaccines. STFU and ring me up.

[Ladybug]

I always said Merry Christmas growing up in the bible belt, but now it's Happy Holidays since we live in a religious melting pot. BTW, I love Hannukah songs. They're always in minor keys, and our family's favorite part of every holiday concert. I enjoy living in a more religiously diverse community. The most beautiful places are where they all overlap.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

And this is why I hate small talk, particularly by customer service people. Be polite, ring me up correctly, and get me the fuck out quickly and efficiently. That's all I want. I don't give a shit about your grandkids' being spoiled rotten by their parents, that your daughter is going back to college, or your opinions on vaccines. STFU and ring me up.

You would die where I live. Small talk is really important even with strangers at check out. That's what I like about it - other people's kindness/openness gets me out of my selfish type A bubble and makes me be more kind in response.


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[GrayMatterWife]

I usually respond by brightly saying something like, "Oh, Santa doesn't come to our house but we had a very nice Hannukah." This still has me sharing more than I'd like with a stranger and my kids questioning me about why Santa doesn't come and whether Hannukah is the same as Christmas but I also have to teach my kids to be polite to adults and we'll - meaning strangers.

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This is a very classy response, and the listener WILL remember it for their next interaction with a stranger during the holidays.

Although, as an aside, I think the secondary "follow up" questions are intrusive, whether you celebrate Christmas or not, if you don't know the person.

Just last night, I had to go to the ER (I'm fine--that's not important…), and I struck up a conversation with the treating EMT. We were talking about Christmas traditions in our families (so my "follow up" inquiry wasn't completely inappropriate) and I asked her what her plans were this year. She looked she sad for a second, then recovered, and said, "I'm spending a quiet Christmas with my mom. It will be a little tough this year. It's the first Christmas since my kid brother passed away from cancer." She did not seem sorry that I asked, but it must be painful for her to have to fake a lot of smiles this year, to avoid social awkwardness by telling the truth.

[GrayMatterWife]

LSW: That is awesome. Common sense.

[PrincessFiona]

Here, small talk is common. It's polite and expected. We all casually ask each other at the check out how the shopping is coming, etc.

Last week, the check out girl at WalMart asked me if I was ready for Xmas. I detailed the shopping I had left to do and then asked her about her Holiday. After a thoughtful moment, she shared that her sister had recently died under suspicious circumstances. She told me it would be a somber year and ... she cried. I hugged her. She thanked me for my kindness.

I don't feel bad for asking her. We all should care more about each other. I'm not going to tip toe around afraid to talk to people.

kris

[Pollyanna]

I don't feel bad for asking her. We all should care more about each other. I'm not going to tip toe around afraid to talk to people.

kris

I think this is so true. We get so busy speeding through life and annoyed by others that we forget the importance of the human connection.

Best lesson I've ever had on this was at 17. I was at the mall and heading toward the escalator. An elderly woman with curlers on her hair and disheveled clothes was getting off. I simply smiled at her and said hello. She stopped and looked at me and said, " I sure hope someone smiles at you so kindly when you're old like me. Thank you". I will never forget that because to me it was an interaction that seemed so unimportant but to her was huge.

You never know what you're giving to someone with simple chit chat or a smile.

[PrincessFiona]

You never know what you're giving to someone with simple chit chat or a smile.

Yes!!!
I've had down moments where someone's smile and chit chat turned my day around. I also try to show interest in others out of kindness as well as a sincere interest in their lives/well-being. When I hear people annoyed by this it really bums me out.

[GrayMatterWife]

Best lesson I've ever had on this was at 17. I was at the mall and heading toward the escalator. An elderly woman with curlers on her hair and disheveled clothes was getting off. I simply smiled at her and said hello. She stopped and looked at me and said, " I sure hope someone smiles at you so kindly when you're old like me. Thank you". I will never forget that because to me it was an interaction that seemed so unimportant but to her was huge.

You never know what you're giving to someone with simple chit chat or a smile.

I once had a similar experience, but I was not fortunate enough to have had it and its lesson at such a young age.

I was in the elevator in the federal courthouse one day, on my way to the cafeteria. There were three other people in the elevator. An elderly black woman--dressed in her Sunday best but not professionally (not in a suit). You could tell she was there for something important to her. And there were two middle-aged white guys in expensive suits hauling leather lawyer briefcases--those $2000 rolling ones. They were there for a big trial (you could tell that, too). Not the kind of guys who thought about anything except business at the courthouse.

As we were headed down, the attorneys and I realized that the woman as quietly crying. She was facing the doors, not making eye contact. Struggling not to be heard. It was obvious that she thought it was beneath her dignity to have an emotional breakdown in public. The two guys LITERALLY, ACTUALLY looked at each other and SHRUGGED and rolled their eyes.. Then they looked at me (also dressed in a suit--very lawyerly)--I think they wanted me to join in their sarcastic indifference. A CRYING ELDERLY LADY, standing all alone in the elevator, with no one to comfort her. WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?

I knew what floor she'd entered from--the floor where the district courts are. And I knew that the district court presiding that day was doing sentencings. I knew why she was crying. She'd just been to a sentencing. I had no idea, of course, whether she'd been to the sentencing of someone convicted of victimizing her or a loved one, or whether she'd been to the sentencing of a loved one. But, whatever it was, it didn't matter. Sentencings can be extremely upsetting.

More out of irritation with the attorneys than genuine concern for her (in all honestly...I'll admit), I leaned toward her and said, "It is going to be OK. It doesn't feel like that now, I know. But it will be." I'd certainly seen enough sentencings in my life to know that leaving the sentencing is emotionally traumatizing.

She looked at me and said, in a clear and composed voice, "Thank you. Will you pray for me?"

And I said, "Of course."

And she said, "Thank you so much. I really needed to hear that. You are a good person." She hugged me and exited the elevator.

The attorneys looked stunned. They clearly had never been hugged by a stranger in the elevator before. I jut said, "And I didn't charge $550 a hour for that."

As$holes.

But it taught me a lot more than it taught them. I work in a sad place for many people. I shouldn't forget that what seems like just an ordinary day at work for me can be a life-changing day for someone who has shown up at the courthouse all alone, with no one to hold their hand or offer them support. Stepping out of the jaded shoes of a lawyer and being a human can allow you to offer a lot more than legal advice sometimes. I have more to offer people than the often-desensitized perspective of a lawyer.

[diggitydot]

There's a HUGE difference between showing kindness to vulnerable strangers and having people wildly over share in their efforts to seek attention. Completely different planets.

Yes, we should all go out of our way to inject kindness into the world. Old ladies crying abso-fucking-lutely get kindness and probably a big old hug.

However, I won't pretend that I give half a shit when some twit spouts off to their captive audience in the grocery store line about their theory that the flu shot is horrible medicine and just makes people more sick. I'll smile wanly, make zero affirming noises, and say, "thanks," when they finally STFU and hand me my receipt. That is the kind of moronic chit-chat that drives me batty.

People being nice is an entirely different kind of small talk.

[MrsK]

There's a HUGE difference between showing kindness to vulnerable strangers and having people wildly over share in their efforts to seek attention. Completely different planets.

Yes, we should all go out of our way to inject kindness into the world. Old ladies crying abso-fucking-lutely get kindness and probably a big old hug.

Yes, there is a difference between comforting a distressed person and prying into their personal lives. If you had asked the woman why she was crying or delved into the details of her trauma, you would have been over-stepping. There are ways to be friendly, polite, and caring toward strangers without being intrusive.

[Ladybug]

Hair stylist to DS3: "So what did Santa bring you this year?"
DS3: "A dreidel!!"

[PrincessFiona]

There's a HUGE difference between showing kindness to vulnerable strangers and having people wildly over share in their efforts to seek attention. Completely different planets.

But I don't think wishing someone Merry Christmas or asking if they are ready for Santa/Christmas/Hanukkah is over sharing and seeking attention. I just don't. Somewhere along the way, we have forgotten how to make connections with people. Would everyone just be happy to silently go about their way in the world?

I recently went through the check out with 25 2 liter pop bottles in my cart. The check out lady said "my goodness, you must be having a party!" Instead of being offended that she looked at the items she was ringing up, I had a conversation with her about the orchestra pot luck I was organizing for Aidan. Turns out her son wants to learn to play the violin. I was able to give her the information about the teacher and orchestra right there. I don't think she was looking to overshare or seek attention from me .... just make small talk.

Hell, I can't tell you how many people this year I asked "Are you ready for Christmas? It feels like it really has just snuck up on me this year." I was just looking for small talk/conversation. If they had kids, I probably asked THEM if they were excited about Christmas. I think no one here should move near me So. Thankful. for the anonymity of the internet.

Kris