Debate of the week: Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays?

[corn poffi]

I'm your typical Midwesterner that ALWAYS enjoys small-talk, however I wouldn't ask about specific holiday plans, as I think it's self-centered to think that everybody celebrates the same holiday. I'd say something more generic, and if they divulge what holiday they celebrate, then I'll ask more specific questions.

When I worked in the housewares department at a department store, we were told we could use discretion whether to wish somebody "Happy Holidays" or something more specific. If somebody was buying Christmas decorations, I'd wish them Merry Christmas, because that's obviously what they celebrated. Otherwise, I would say "Happy Holidays" or "Happy New Year". It seemed to work well, and that way, I hope I didn't make anybody feel uncomfortable!

ETA: I'm a big fan of the "Can you believe that it's almost <<insert upcoming year here>>?" That way, it leads into what they're excited for. But again, I'm a Midwesterner. We'll talk to anybody, doncha know?

[diggitydot]

Yeah, I don't think it's a big deal to wish someone a Merry Christmas, but the over sharing of "oh, my mom/sister/brother/dad died so it will be solemn this year" seems a bit much, to me.

[Vishenka69]

Kris, I think it's not that I mind small talk but this time of the year always makes me feel like an alien for not celebrating Christmas. I don't mind random small talk but defending my religious views several times a day is no long innocuous small talk.

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[PrincessFiona]

Well....I do almost always say happy holidays unless someone says merry christmas to me first. I lived in Chicago growing up and my school was predominantly Jewish so Hanukkah was the holiday. In choir, we sang almost exclusively songs related to Hanukkah around the holidays. I became very sensitive to the fact that people celebrate different traditions around the period of time that I think of Christmas. Generally speaking, Happy Holidays for me includes the various traditions/religions celebrated at this time of year as well as New Years. I called it Happy Holidays long before Bill O'Reilly lamented the banning of Christmas. LOL It's called respect for others.

[MrsK]

Yeah, I don't think it's a big deal to wish someone a Merry Christmas, but the over sharing of "oh, my mom/sister/brother/dad died so it will be solemn this year" seems a bit much, to me.

When someone volunteers that information, I assume that I'm dealing with someone reaching out for comfort. I don't mind extending my condolences. However, if I were in their position, I would mind if I felt like someone pried that information out. My former boss lost a child and was frequently blindsided by people asking seemingly innocent questions about his children. He never knew whether to say he had one or two. Saying one felt like an insult to the child he lost. Saying two opened up the discussion to painful questions about how he lost his son. Having that wound opened, especially in the course of casual conversation with near strangers when he didn't expect the conversation to turn to his loss, was very very painful for him.

Kris, I think it's not that I mind small talk but this time of the year always makes me feel like an alien for not celebrating Christmas. I don't mind random small talk but defending my religious views several times a day is no long innocuous small talk.

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This. It's hard to explain to someone who lives in the majority community. If I asked your children "Are you excited for Passover?!" or told them to "Have an easy fast" it would lead them to ask questions about your family's religious practices and why they are excluded from other traditions that sound like they may be fun or why someone is looking at them like they are damned if they aren't participating or don't believe. Now, if the person asking the question is a minority, it's not such a big deal if your practices are consistent with the majority population. You can pretty much just tell your kids that the person asking them about Passover or fasting is a weirdo or that some people believe differently than you do. But if you are in the minority population, it's very uncomfortable to explain to your children that Santa brings presents to all his friends and classmates but not for him. Then when you add being part of a minority community that is historically persecuted for it's religious practices, and some Christians who believe that it is their duty to save lost sheep, it can get hairy pretty fast and you never know what you are dealing with when the conversation begins. It's a sensitive balance between teaching our children how to be polite and how to navigate in the secular community that surrounds them while still teaching them our own traditions which set us apart from the majority population.

[PrincessFiona]

No one should have to defend their views/beliefs to strangers.

[Sheherezade]

I'm fine with small talk. I agree with Kris that it's sad we've gotten so afraid to connect with others for fear of stepping in someone's toes. I guess I'd rather have people reach our with the possibility that they might unintentionally open a wound. (Like asking about family gatherings and expecting we will have 20 people for Christmas dinner; we don't. We celebrate alone and rarely have extended family around- even if we invite them.)

That said, I appreciate the heads up about mentioning Santa to strangers. I don't think I've done that, but I could have. I didn't think through how awkward that could be. I do think that illustrates the point that people aren't intentionally being rude or thoughtless. We just live in a complicated society. I still think we'd be better off engaging with one another more.