My Husband Doesn't Need to See Your Boobs

[WolfpackWife]

This has been making the rounds today:
http://applesandbandaidsblog.com/201...ee-your-boobs/


And I'm sorry...I think this woman is an idiot. In insecure, immature idiot. I love how she takes all of the responsibility from her husband's shoulders and makes it EVERYONE ELSE'S responsibility to keep him from looking at other bodies. Good god.

[WolfpackWife]

Now I'm thinking about it more and I'm even MORE annoyed. She's doing nothing but perpetuating and excusing everything about "rape culture"...i.e. making it a woman's responsibility to not be desirable to men because they are just visual creatures who can't help themselves, so cover up ladies...they can't control themselves! FUCK. I hate her!

[Pollyanna]

Ummm, wth?! She has some very serious insecurity issues that need help. Other women won't destroy her marriage, she will. Wow, that was just really sad to read.

[MAPPLEBUM]

ugh she mentioned how we've heard all the youth group arguments and then proceeded to reiterate them. is it horrible to say I'm almost at a point where I think its healthy and natural for men to keep their eyes open? I used to be jealous but Jesus. marriage isn't a death sentence. I'm not as visual as my husband but I can enjoy some eye candy too. maybe it's just because our marriage is young but if he wants to look at some legs without cellulite every now and again be my guest. it doesn't detract from his love and appreciation for my um???starkly different physique.

there's been a similar argument on LDW recently and what the women say is "affairs start somewhere." my thinking? if its going to happen its going to happen. sure, it can be by looking at pictures of 18 year olds on Facebook but in my world jealousy, insecurity, and attempts to smother him are much more effective at pushing him away than a little cleavage.


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[WolfpackWife]

My god...he was in "social media solitary confinement"?? "Protecting his eyes. Protecting his heart" I AM GAGGING.

And the best part: "I'm not judging you" Uh...what? Let me me guess you're also "not racist" and "have a black friend", right?

[MsSassyBaskets]

Holy crap, yeah, I'm with you WPW and LSW. If other people showing skin is truly a stumbling block in your marriage, it's not the other people's skin that's the problem. She had me turned off by the mention of "purity lessons" in the first paragraph. If that doesn't totally fuck your worldview I don't know what does. The whole idea of Daddy policing your sexuality really gives me the creeps too. And the mention of her "mess of a body after pregnancy" just made me sad. Hell, I'm not the MOST physically confident person in the world, but I just feel sorry for her.

[Pollyanna]

My god...he was in "social media solitary confinement"?? "Protecting his eyes. Protecting his heart" I AM GAGGING.

And the best part: "I'm not judging you" Uh...what? Let me me guess you're also "not racist" and "have a black friend", right?

I actually don't think she is judging other women. I think she is sooooo wrapped up in her own self hatred she doesn't have time to judge others. She strictly looks at how the behavior or appearance of other women reflect on her. She is more to be pitied than censured. The girl needs help.

[WolfpackWife]

I actually don't think she is judging other women. I think she is sooooo wrapped up in her own self hatred she doesn't have time to judge others. She strictly looks at how the behavior or appearance of other women reflect on her. She is more to be pitied than censured. The girl needs help.

I do see your point and yeah, I do feel bad for her that she's *that* insecure, but I can't summon up that much pity for someone who so openly places the responsibility of her husband's wandering eyes on EVERYONE else. And she openly says she zooms in on other women's bodies, inspecting them for cellulite. I get that it's with a huge dose of self-hatred and even jealousy (i.e. how she can't believe people don't have cellulite/worries that her husband sees that and then files it away to conjure up later), but that's exactly what judgement is!! She's scrutinizing people's bodies and then asking them to hide them because it makes her uncomfortable and her husband look. It's the same thing as someone who dislikes fat people and asks anyone over size 4 to please cover up and stay away from bikinis because they don't want to have to look at them, IMO. But this post really disgusted me so I'm probably looking at it a lot more harshly than you are. I just think she's doing a huge injustice to women in general that I can't even feel too bad about her own body image issues. And I'm speaking as someone who has PLENTY of body image issues that I can own and want to get rid of.

[Mrs. MD, Esq.]

I read some of that yesterday and thought she sounded so sad and insecure. I kind of wanted to give her a hug...it's an annoying and very unenlightened post but honestly, she seems so ashamed of her own (and other women's) body/bodies. I pity her.

[MrsC]

I read some of that yesterday and thought she sounded so sad and insecure. I kind of wanted to give her a hug...it's an annoying and very unenlightened post but honestly, she seems so ashamed of her own (and other women's) body/bodies. I pity her.

So do I.
She will be the one to ruin her marriage. It was very hard getting used to my post pregnancy body but it is what I make it. I've lost some weight and will wear a bikini by our pool despite my stretch marks and 5 surgical scars on my abdomen!

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[Pollyanna]

I do see your point and yeah, I do feel bad for her that she's *that* insecure, but I can't summon up that much pity for someone who so openly places the responsibility of her husband's wandering eyes on EVERYONE else. And she openly says she zooms in on other women's bodies, inspecting them for cellulite. I get that it's with a huge dose of self-hatred and even jealousy (i.e. how she can't believe people don't have cellulite/worries that her husband sees that and then files it away to conjure up later), but that's exactly what judgement is!! She's scrutinizing people's bodies and then asking them to hide them because it makes her uncomfortable and her husband look. It's the same thing as someone who dislikes fat people and asks anyone over size 4 to please cover up and stay away from bikinis because they don't want to have to look at them, IMO. But this post really disgusted me so I'm probably looking at it a lot more harshly than you are. I just think she's doing a huge injustice to women in general that I can't even feel too bad about her own body image issues. And I'm speaking as someone who has PLENTY of body image issues that I can own and want to get rid of.

We all come at this from different and valid perspectives. Mine is that of a 45 year old mother of 6. I honestly feel such sadness for her. Likely because I don't see her as a peer but someone who could be my own child. The first thing I noticed on the blog is how beautiful she is. My first inclination is this would be a bible thumping kind of blog post simply due to her appearance and the title. I was taken aback because she was literally begging for women not to post their pictures. Her self hatred is on display for all to see. And look she got to that spot rather honestly. She spent her childhood being checked up on by her father. The man who should be GIVING her self confidence was stealing it from her every single day as he judged her attire (likely thinking her was doing right by her). She likely felt shame on a regular basis. But remember, it is NOT the purity folks that are the only guilty ones. I know so many "open minded" left leaning moms that refuse bikinis to their daughters or heaven forbid a pair of shorts with less than a 5" inseam. They are lead to believe that they will attract creepy men and boys if they wear such clothing. No one bothers to tell those girls they could wear a burka and attract creepy men and boys. There is some sort of warped belief that if my child wears pinafores or doesn't wear makeup she won't get into "trouble" and creepers will stay away from her. I honestly think this piece is great to share with girls of all ages and really open up the discussion of inner confidence and what that looks like in relationships. I am sad for this young women because that was stolen from her and I think it will be really hard for her to regain the confidence she lost growing up.

[Sheherezade]

I have to add one thought to this conversation. She is not responsible for her husband's roving eye either. If there is infidelity, it won't be because *she's* so insecure or jealous, it will be because *he* broke his vows.

As women, we have to stop blaming each other for marriage breakups - these men have something to do with it too, you know!

FYI, I didn't read it. Just think its funny that everyone is attributing the actions of her husband either to her or other women, and not at all to him.

[WolfpackWife]

I understand your point, and I understand how each of us interpret her message differently. I wish I was more compassionate towards her position, but honestly it angers me. I think you have made a really great point from you perspective and are able to point out ways in which her post goes beyond it's superficial message and can be used as a teaching moment! I think it's commendable that you can see that opportunity in her post and blog!

However, from my POV, I just can't get past how her message seems to be reiterating that it is a girl's/women's responsibility to avoid the wandering gaze of men. Or to do their part not to tempt men - married or otherwise. I think it does a huge disservice to women as a whole, and alleviates far too much of the responsibility of infidelity, sexual assault, sexual harassment, etc. from men's shoulders. I understand that she could feel uncomfortable seeing her husband eyeing other women on the beach or on social media. But it's not that woman's responsibility to alter appearance to cater to her husband's eyes or "innate" inclination to look at other women or think about them later. In my opinion, that perpetuates body image issues and hyper-awareness about appearance. I wish I could be more confident, I wish she could be more confident - I would imagine she's trapped in a really debilitating cycle of insecurity and it's affecting her marriage. I wish I hadn't learned self-consciousness regarding by body from my mom - who learned it from her mom. But I don't think having self confidence should mean drawing scrutiny from other women about how it affects their marriages or relationships.

[HouseofWool]

Tara - as the mother of older girls, how exactly do you balance the need for modesty with their self expression? Because, seriously? I'd like to say no f-ing way will S be wearing a bikini. A 2 piece? Sure, if that is what she wants, and it is reasonable, but an itty bitty bikini makes me really uncomfortable. And it IS in part because it will garner her attention from creepers. It doesn't make it right, but it is a fact. I'm pretty sure that she will be find with something more modest, particularly once she realizes that you can't really swim in a bikini.

I'm not advocating pinafores either, to be clear. Although for myself, and everyone around me, a return to these might be a good thing.

https://flic.kr/p/7AVgmF

[Pollyanna]

I have to add one thought to this conversation. She is not responsible for her husband's roving eye either. If there is infidelity, it won't be because *she's* so insecure or jealous, it will be because *he* broke his vows.

As women, we have to stop blaming each other for marriage breakups - these men have something to do with it too, you know!

FYI, I didn't read it. Just think its funny that everyone is attributing the actions of her husband either to her or other women, and not at all to him.

Oh absolutely, it would be her husbands fault for a roving eye. When I mentioned her insecurity could contribute to the demise of her marriage I didn't mean because it would lead to his infidelity but simply that it will cause great stress between them.