I think this mom is awful

[Sheherezade]

I'm guessing a pivotal difference in parenting centers around the "I want to be feared" statement. I don't think all parents want to be feared; I don't. I don't see fear as a good motivator for parenting. That said, it is effective for some. It's just not my style. I think I'd have a hard time relating to a mom that wanted her kids to be legitimately scared of her. I'm more of the safe harbor mom.

[Vishenka69]

I don't think she's awful either. I've threatened to make my 5 yr old walk home on more than one occasion. After pulling over once, she was sufficiently scared that I would follow through. I wouldn't actually kick her out of the car at 5 but she doesn't need to know that.

I do agree with her about preferring to be feared rather than liked. I don't care if my kids like me, I have no intention of being their friend. Every parent and child is different, what works for one (even within same family) won't work for another.

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[peggyfromwastate]

I think the response to this blog here in IMSNland is fascinating.

Do you think it was overkill that the police came to check out the kid? And why he was left there alone? Do you think that her combative response to the police should have led to her arrest? Do you think CPS was wrong to investigate her?

It seems her premise was that she should be allowed to parent and discipline as she sees fit, especially since she's not an abusive parent and she provides well for her children. Her tough love approach to a common everyday childhood event (sassing) leads me to wonder what her threshold is for every little thing a kid does wrong.

If your 5th grade kid is being outrageously bad in the car, sassing or throwing a fit or whatever, what would you do? I've BTDT and the things I've done are 1) just silence... Wait for the fit to pass with no response then deal with it later when the kid is able to converse. 2) roll down the window, turn on the radio, start talking to another kid, turn on my iPhone camera to record the fit (oh they HATE that)-- anything to change it up. Disciplining in the heat of the moment rarely does anything at all but escalate.

So do you think the cops were over the top?

Awful or not, do you think having your kid walk home is acceptable in this situation?

[Thirteen]

Your kids never sucked on a bar of soap? I sure as fuck did. Clearly not enough. LOL

I distinctly remember a "3 bites of Ivory soap" punishment. I had to chew it for 30 seconds...
I wouldn't call parents abusive, and it wasn't a regular thing.


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[Pollyanna]

To Peggy's question: I don't think having her child walk home or sweat it out in an unfamiliar setting was appropriate nor do I think it's parenting. What is the goal with that action? It doesn't teach anything other than, "if I piss mom off enough she will leave me". That's a great set up for life. It's lazy. Mom was tired of listening to her child so she removed the "problem". I don't for a second consider her actions to be thoughtful parenting.

And had the police not come and something happened to the child? What then? While the likelihood is small, it is possible. Could even be that the child got so scared he ran into the parking lot without looking and was hit by a car. Then that driver has to live with that.

We ALL have times when we need a break. Every single parent. But you don't aways get to take the break when you need it. Mom needed to get her zen on until she got home and then give herself a time out before addressing her child's issues.

My dh's folks thought the soap in the mouth was a good idea until they nearly burned a hole in his esophagus...so there's that. And as he will say, taught him absolutely nothing except that his mom was crazy.

I find the mother to be a raging bitch tbh.

[Sheherezade]

What is the goal with that action? It doesn't teach anything other than, "if I piss mom off enough she will leave me".

Yes -- this is kind of how I feel. I think that actions have to have rational consequences. I guess you could say if you piss off mom and she's your ride, she might dump you out on the side of the road. Still, what happens when the kid is old enough to get rides from someone else? Someone with a less volatile temper? They will. And they'll still sass when they can get away with it without it costing them a ride.

I think a logical consequence in this circumstance would have been to stop listening or engaging with him. It teaches the kid that the style in which you communicate matters. That can transfer to anyone else and it's a life skill. You whine, yell, cry -- you aren't taken seriously. You weaken your argument. Speak calmly and address people with respect. Form an argument. If you do that, I'll respond in kind, with my own thinking. Whine, yell or cry and I will treat you like a 4 year old -- ignored, not considered seriously and maybe even sent to bed earlier that night so you can catch up on your rest and act your age.

I don't think she's horrible, but I don't think she did the right thing. It rubs me the wrong way that she's shouting from the hilltops that she was right, and that the authorities are idiots for showing concern for her child. I'd be grateful that they cared, and apologetic about my own "tantrum".

[medpedspouse]

Sooo basically this woman is just awful based on what she wrote on her blog? No chance of her having any redeeming qualities. Got it.

[Pollyanna]

Sooo basically this woman is just awful based on what she wrote on her blog? No chance of her having any redeeming qualities. Got it.

Her blog is a representation of who she is as a person. I found her obnoxious and self important. Does she have some redeeming qualities? I'm sure she does but those have not been presented in this entry so cannot truly be highlighted.

[SoonerTexan]

I think this woman had poor examples of parenting and discipline herself (she mentioned her mother hit her), and has failed to learn from that experience and break the cycle. I grew up with fear based, authoritarian parenting and I just don't believe it works. Making your kids afraid of you doesn't limit itself to that one situation. In a kid's mind it's not "I shouldn't mouth off because then my mom gets scary" it's just "mom is scary". That's sad.

I didn't think she was awful... Mostly I just felt sad for her and her kid that that's their reality.

This

Also, this is a guest poster to the scary mommy blog right? I'm getting the impression some of you think this woman has a blog entitled scary mommy about how she does stuff like this all the time. I don't read it often but I gather its a composite blog from many sources


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[Pollyanna]

This

Also, this is a guest poster to the scary mommy blog right? I'm getting the impression some of you think this woman has a blog entitled scary mommy about how she does stuff like this all the time. I don't read it often but I gather its a composite blog from many sources


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Correct. This is just a guest blogger.

[peggyfromwastate]

I think this mom is awful

Yes-- I think we're getting caught up in the whole "is she an awful person" debate. Well, who knows. We don't know. She's a single mom and I am sure she's working really hard and is probably a good mom in general. I mean, organic food, clean kitchen, and school project....

But what she did was reprehensible to me, and her outrage that the cops would question her parenting skills leads me to question her overall parenting style. But I don't know her and am not calling her "awful" in general but in this situation I think she was awful.

Really, the only way to deal with a tantrum is to disengage. But this was a sassing kid so you can always say "when you are ready to speak respectfully to me we can continue our discussion" then the kid will sass and try to get you to escalate and get angry, so you have to count to 100 or count by 3s or recite the states and the capitals or whatever to mentally not react.

Parenting is not easy, and there are many styles, and I can't say her style is necessarily abuse, but in this instance she was reckless.

[MsSassyBaskets]

her outrage that the cops would question her parenting skills leads me to question her overall parenting style
...
in this instance she was reckless.

Yes to both of these.

She did deserve to be scrutinized for what she did, and I wish she had learned from the situation.