What do you think of this article?

[PrincessFiona]

Sally,

I would agree with Kelly that we aren't as far apart on these issues as it may seem at first glance. I agree with you in many areas....and yes, I am glad to see my money go into head start...unfortunately, most of my tax dollars don't go to fund these kinds of programs and let me just say that I'm in full support of head start and other programs...I just would like to see the programs available to all preschool-aged children. It certainly would be a better use of our tax dollars than a new and improved nuclear weapon.

I stand by the idea that I feel that there is injustice in the tax code.

Either way....I care about our friendship, Sally, a lot more than I care about trying to be 'right' or arguing any point...so I say....let's just be friends and I'll not complain about my taxes...(at least for a few days anyway...I have such good intentions....)

[spotty_dog]

I support many liberal policies but I think I'd just go about paying for them differently.

I'm with you 100% on that. (Let's get our young people the hell out of harm's way and then) let's make the Armed Forces hold a bake sale to fund the next one, eh?

If I sat down and wrote out the numbers for you...how much we take in, how much we pay in taxes, how much we pay out for education loan payments, you might say with me...... This path was our choice, but it is so much different to talk about paying taxes and a willingness to support these social programs and then seeing the money taken away. That makes it hard....At the end of the day, most people earning less money usually get some or all of their taxes back at the end of the year. We get to pay in more.

Oh, no doubt. I told you the numbers just plain scare me. I can only imagine the "sticker shock".

Look at it this way though: at least you and not the government are earning interest on that overage until April 15.

And potty training is the 7th circle of hell.

Just to lighten things up -- I gotta say I loved this statement the most!

I read the article, agreed w/some of it, disagreed w/other parts -- same for the posts here. I will say that I feel like it's all too competitive, whether your at home or working a paying job. I'm home w/my boys and have occasionally been so fried that I seriously contemplated a job at Starbucks just for the free pound of coffee every week. We don't do lots of classes - because we can't afford them, and I feel guilt about this.

My mom stayed home until I was in 1st grade, then got a job in the school system so we'd have the same schedule - but I still feel no more prepared for all that being home entails than the man on the moon. Perhaps this is b/c I am the mother to boys (being - an only child, female *obviously*, with only 2 cousins in the world - also girls). Whatever the cause, I routinely feel that I don't do enough for my kids, my husband, my home - and it seems like everyone has a better grasp than I do.

Is is society? Upbringing? Media? Supernanny? Who knows

[Flynn]

I have watched the responses to this topic with interest and "lurked" -- really wanting to explore what I thought about the article in detail before I commented.

I consider myself socially liberal but very conservative when it comes to my money. Don't get me wrong, I vote for levys, support my local animal shelter, give to my church...etc. I get stingy when I think of the NINE years of training post medical school which will put us in a tax bracket where EVERYONE AND THEIR DOG gets a piece of what we will make. That bugs me.

Should we pay more than others to fund worthy causes because we can? In my opinion yes but to what extent? That's where it gets grey to me and I am not nearly as informed as some of the people who have commented here so far so I will end here.

On the subject of parenting, I read this exact article in the pediatritions office. I must admit my first reaction was "WAAAAHHHHHH -- what a whiny article." I'm not trying to step on any toes here -- just my initial thought. I could relate with some of the challenges of parenting in the article for sure. I've had my bad days just like everyone else! More days than I would like to admit if I am being honest here.

On the topic of "women being taught they could have it all" I furrow my brow. I was never taught that. I was taught I could do anything I wanted in life but if you want to be good at something, other areas of your life will get sacrificed and if you are ok with that, go for it. If not, perhaps I should re-evaluate.

Everything from activities to friends is a balancing act in life. Should you take 4 AP courses in high school or 2, knowing your whole class load will suffer if you take 4? Stuff like that. My mom was at home with us full time until I was 11 and my brother was 6. She then worked part time and then full time as we got older BUT she was a teacher so we were never latch key kids.

At one point I wanted to be an FBI agent (feel free to laugh, I do now) and I talked about it with my parents. They supported everything I did but always asked the right questions. After a long discussion my dad asked, "do you want to get married and have kids?" I said yes and he asked me who would raise my children since the hours to meet this goal were many. At 20 that was something I truly hadn't considered. I said I would have to marry someone who wouldn't be against staying home with the kids in an "I know it all" tone.

Being good at something takes work and dedication and a lot of truly hard moments. Splitting your time in different areas makes being truly good at something more difficult. Is quality time more important to your kids then the quantity? Yes!!! I would argue though that the people who make it a priority to have QT with their kids would only have more wonderful moments if they had MORE time with their kids. That's not the case for everyone but I bet it's true more often than not.

Can everyone stay home with their kids? No, of course not. Can everyone balance home and work so neither suffer? Nope. So what's the answer? It really depends on the adult and the individual children and I am not the expert in any way, shape, or form.

Parenting is hard any way you slice it but there is always someone out there with ten times the challenges you have.

[mommax3]

I don't really want to debate on this one anymore, although I do agree with Flynn, but I read a column by Betsy Hart (who I generally like, although I think a lot of times she comes across in a judgemental way) that gave her response to the article, and she articulated what I was trying to say in my first post in this thread, although of course she did a MUCH better job.

No one gets to have it all. Dads or Moms. And from what I hear, there is a lot of life left after our kids are grown, and I know many women who are really enjoying those years. So we aren't all washed up yet.

Here's the link. http://www.shns.com/shns/g_index2.cf...=HART-03-03-05

Sally

I just checked the local county library's site and every copy of the book mentioned in the Hart article was checked out or in transit.

[PrincessFiona]

above all....someone call me to go out for a drink :>

[HeartRN]

Just wanted to add that I agree with various elements of all previous posts...and thought I'd mention the other brief article snipet on working moms in the parenting forum if you haven't seen it yet...

As a mom who has worked full time outside the home since my daughter was 8 weeks old (and I'm full time because I HAVE to be right now...there's honestly no other way presently to make things work financially, no matter how many times we've manipulated the finances--and we've tried and tried), I struggle with many of the issues presented in the original article. However, I, too thought the tone was a touch whiny at times, although I agree with Kris in that the effort was to address larger issues important to women.

This week since my sil/mil have been here has been sort of stressful, but not for the reasons I originally expected. Actually, having them here has really brought the reality out into the big wide open; life for our little family right now is pretty challenging....Keelin seems constantly sick and isn't sleeping well, my husband is stressed about his dissertation being due this week, we have no family here and very little support system, money is really tight, and on and on and on.....and to top it off, mommy is hanging on the fine little thread that swings between sanity and insanity on a daily basis...why? Because I haven't done much to create a real life for myself here outside of making it through each day just to get up and do it all over again. Is this my own doing? Yes, probably. Could I make things different? Probably. But to me it just isn't that easy sometimes... it's because for me (and I'm sure for many other moms here too), I constantly struggle with the guilty mommy thing....I desperately want to go away on a vacation, but I don't know if I could leave my child. I know I have to work and that's she's getting good care when I'm not there, but is daycare going to impact her negatively in the long run? It must be because of daycare that she's sick all of the time....if I didnt work, would it be better? Would I be a better, more patient mom if I were at home all the time, or would I be unhappy because I'd feel trapped? Who KNOWS?! Call it what you will...fickle or wanting to have it all...all I know is the most important thing to me right now is being the best mom I can be for my daughter. Parenting is such an astronomically important task, and I personally feel many moms (working or not) don't take it nearly seriously enough. I guess it's reassuring in a way, then, that I have had a couple teary meltdowns with my visitors this week regarding my struggle to be a great mom and wife in a place that doesn't even feel close to being like home. I didn't want this to sound like a big "WAHHHH!" but rereading it now, it kind of does Oh well....I'm only human, and this is really me right now, and how I feel about the issues in question, all in a semi-brief rant/vent.

[HeartRN]

Addendum:

Kris, I wish I COULD call you up for a drink! :~

[houseelf]

Marla,

Debate-Shmabate, I want to address your post.

Girl, you have got to give yourself credit. You are singlehandedly "takin' care of business". It ain't pretty, but you are giving it your all and putting your own needs second. Keelin and your hubby are lucky to have you. You making it through a situation that feels impossible and doing it with grace. Don't feel badly about yourself.

I guess that I'm imposing my own experiences of having outsiders come into my household whose mere presence highlight what a dysfunctional lifestyle we live as the family of a general surgery resident. It's painful, but what can you do? You have stepped up to the plate my friend.

If you were in town, the first round would be on me. Oh wait, I have $29 in my checking account. The first round is on you! I'll have to get you next week.

Kelly

[HeartRN]

Kelly--Thanks for the kind words. The last two days of IL's visit have been meltdown free, as I have gotten much needed time away from my very...*ahem* active and sometimes (dare I say) moody toddler! Tonight I am going to a full body massage, courtesy of them :@ and right now, they have my child and they are picking up Outback Steakhouse!!! :yum: I take back every evil thing I ever complained about before!!!!

[HeartRN]

Addendum to last: I meant to say "I take back every evil thing I ever said about my IL's before!" Oh well...ya know what I meant anyhow.

[SueC]

That's awesome Marla--sounds like you really needed a little "me" time!

[HeartRN]

Thanks....the massage was GREAT. I've never had one before, and let's just say I wil go again in the not to distant future.