Have we become too informal?

Kris (Kristen? Mrs. Math? ),
I was thinking the same thing with French pronouns and the formal and informal (tu versus vous). That seems a little easier to navigate!

[Meenah]

Silly you.
Miss Lu

[DCJenn]

Side note regarding the use of "You guys" etc., by wait staff- the reason why it chafes for me is that it's not a required part of the dialogue to start with. What's wrong with, "Hi, I'm Susie, I'll be your waitress tonight." or "so how is everything?" or "Have you seen our dessert menus? The chocolate brownie is fantastic." Adding "friendly monikers" seems totally useless to me.

So- maybe I'm a freak. (maybe?)

My friend said that her daycare providers ask that the kids call them "Miss ____". So- the debate continues!

Jenn

re: the restaurant server thing....I know that it irritates someone that a server introduces themselves. Not me, I don't care much as long as they are polite, knowledgeable and bring me my food quickly. Not an easy job to keep everyone happy!

re: the "you guys." Yesterday I said to the girls, "OK, you guys, time to get in the car." DD told me, slightly miffed: We are girls!

[Vanquisher]

Side note regarding the use of "You guys" etc., by wait staff- the reason why it chafes for me is that it's not a required part of the dialogue to start with. What's wrong with, "Hi, I'm Susie, I'll be your waitress tonight." or "so how is everything?" or "Have you seen our dessert menus? The chocolate brownie is fantastic." Adding "friendly monikers" seems totally useless to me.

And yes, I did that too. Sometimes, it just comes out of your mouth, "Can I get ya'll anything else?" "How are you guys doing tonight?" It's not meant to be derogatory, but friendly. I encourage you to not decrease your tips based on "you guys." I'm pleading for all the wait staff out there who haven't a clue that they are being offensive. Trust me, if they knew, most of them wouldn't do it.

Unofrtunately there isn't a handbook for how people want to be addressed. I am pleading for us all to give our fellow person the benefit of the doubt that they are not trying to be disrespectful or rude, but friendly.

My .02

I have previously been a lurker on this board, but the post about being offended by using "you guys" really gets my blood boiling. As a former waitress I have heard this practice of lowering tips by being "outraged" that someone would use this term while referring to a group that includes a female. I can only think how sad it is that people can be so vindictive as to withold tips (passive/aggressive) because they have violated some imaginary list of acceptable vs. non-acceptable group identifiers. I grew up in a place where you say "you guys" and not "ya'll", should I really be penalized because you grew up in the latter? It's called a cultural norm, be respectful of the fact I relish my norms as much as you enjoy yours. Remember to be nice to your waitresses, they are people too!

[Phoebe]

We try to comply by what the adult wishes. Many parents around us ask what I would like to be called so their children know how to address me. I prefer to be called Jennifer, but some parents have their kids call me Mrs. ... or Mrs. Jenn. I leave it up to them, but I would rather go by my first name. Mrs. ... sounds so formal when I am not really a formal person. It general it seems most parents have their kids call an adult Mrs. Jennifer or Dr. R.

Jennifer

[PrincessFiona]

Jane,

Go For it. I admit that I desperately wanted a natural delivery with ds #1...at the german hospital where I was you could only have the 'nice' room if you agreed in advance (and signed a paper ) that you would do it naturally.

While I was in the room waiting for the nurse to bring me the paperwork (becuase I WAS going to have that room) I could hear a woman screaming..and I freaked out and didn't sign.

With dd #1 I waited until I was 6 or 7cm dialated but I couldn't really stand it anymore...the pain relief was so great that I guess...I never looked back.

I've always walked as long as I could and then at about 5-6cm given in...basically at that 'take it now or lose your chance' time.

Go to some good natural birthing classes and look into buying a birthing ball to sit on during labor. They are awesome!

kris

[Rapunzel]

I worked as a waitress during college and I don't ever recall using the terms "you guys" or "ya'll". I do remember saying "you" in the sense of, "What can I get you to drink?" I think what Jenn was referring to, and what I agree with, is that "ya'll" and "you guys" are a bit "sloppy" and a lot of us expect wait-staff to be on their best manners. I've noticed a marked decrease in the quality of service among wait-staff in restaraunts over the last decade and I think it's quite fine to base the amount of a tip on how politely and consciencously the wait-person conducts herself.

Jennifer

I was curious as to why some people get offended when people have others refer to them as Dr. X. At work ancillary staff use the title so that patients can identify their doctor. Many places we aren't wearing our white coats and everyone is wearing scrubs, how could they possibly know who is who without being informed of this?
Also there are other providers that wear white coats, like PAs, NPs, CRNAs etc. and this allows one to know the role/title of their health care provider.
My mother chose to only use the title Dr. at work, but she was in the minority compared to her collegues. I originally didn't think that I would use the title outside of the hospital, but I have worked hard to earn the title and am proud to be a doctor.
I did always think that it was unusual when people tried to use the title to their advantage or show off. As in, "Are you sure there is a 30 min wait to be seated, I am Dr. X." I also thought it was odd when women would use the term Mrs. Dr. X. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that it isn't okay, I just don't understand it. If anyone here uses it as their title I'm not trying to offend you, but maybe you could enlighten me.

I also thought it was odd when women would use the term Mrs. Dr. X.

I've said that in jest to friends but I would never say it seriously! Have you really heard someone say that?

smiley2 wrote:

I also thought it was odd when women would use the term Mrs. Dr. X.


I've said that in jest to friends but I would never say it seriously! Have you really heard someone say that?

We are friends with a couple where both the husband and wife are doctors (the wife has her MD degree, but has not practiced medicine in 15+ years). Our other friends' children actually refer to them as Dr. Wallace and Mrs. Dr. Wallace.

...so, it is NOT Ok that I am known as Mr. Dr. Gretchen, by all the kids on base??!!??

[PrincessFiona]

...so, it is NOT Ok that I am known as Mr. Dr. Gretchen, by all the kids on base??!!??

[Rapunzel]

I'd be "Mrs. Dr. S_______" Cracking up! My husband would SO make fun of me if I tried to have someone call me that!

Jennifer