Another perspective on "Lean In"...

[BonBon]

Good luck on your interview!!

I've personally backed off on my crazy schedule and am waiting 3 years to be full-time again. (I think, we'll see how I feel in a few months) At that point, the kids will be old enough to be home by themselves if need be. I'm freaking worn out. I keep thinking of the movie Highlander..."There can be only one!" One person in the house with a career, that is. :/

Back to the original subject of family helping out...BTDT. Didn't work out, and my parent wasn't doing it for anywhere close to free, nor did she give up a rocking career. I think it's a great option when it works, but the story above where the mom was gone for weeks? And grandma left grandpa behind in another country? Excessive.

[MAPPLEBUM]

Good luck on your interview!!


Back to the original subject of family helping out...BTDT. Didn't work out, and my parent wasn't doing it for anywhere close to free, nor did she give up a rocking career. I think it's a great option when it works.

I agree with this. Personally holding off the child bearing until later but that doesn't mean my life hasn't been without sacrifice. It's starting to come together now but that's only from a lot of hard work and a little bit of luck. Likewise, I would never even want my mother or mother-in-law to be that involved, regardless.

[crabby_patty]

It's a cultural thing. I never really thought about it that way since I was raised in a similar manner, so raising a family like that doesn't really bother me. Instead of being shipped off to China while my parents continued to advance in their careers in the US, they brought my grandparents to the US to take care of me after I was born. I don't really remember too much of it since I was just a baby, but they did the same thing when my younger brother was born.

If you think about it, immigrant families who come to the US alone can really only rely on themselves and their own resources. My parents didn't really have the money to hire a babysitter every day, but they did scrimp and save for a few years to purchase plane tickets for my grandparents (before I was born). At least in China, it's expected that parents will continue to work for their children so that they can have a better life, then when they are old, the children are expected to take care of their parents, which means: don't put them in a retirement home, lol. There's a new law in China that allows grandparents to sue their children for not visiting them.

Off topic post:
Just applied for a graphic designer position in the hospital my SO works at! Hopefully I hear back from them (I used him as an employee referral); I would absolutely love to work in a hospital!
Fingers crossed!

[Vishenka69]

Definitely cultural. When I was little retirement age for women was 55 and for men 60. This greatly increased the likelihood of grandparents being available for full time child rearing of their grandkids. I was basically looked after by one grandfather during the school year and the other during school breaks. My grandmothers were both career women and worked well into their 60s. My parents were both brought up by their grandmothers who lived with them (this in turn enabled both of their mothers to have careers).

My mom is career driven like my grandmother was but I'm not. I decided back in college while dating DH that I'd rather be the flexible one. I've worked when we lived in NY but wasn't really interested in career building. Once we had kids, I knew that unless I absolutely had to, I'd never go back to finance. I'm perfectly fine being mostly a SAHM with a part-time gig on a side. My mom on the other hand is really bothered by decision. But I honestly could have used her around more and still remember being bitter with her choosing her career over me (at least that's how it felt at the time). My dad was more available and he totally supports my decision. I keep hinting that I'd love for him to stay with us part of the week when he retires in 2 years. I'd love for my kids to enjoy the same special bond with their grandfather that I did.

Many Russian grandmas that enjoyed so much free help from their parents back there aren't very interested in providing the same help here and now. They've conveniently Americanized in that sense.