What were your PARENTS' dreams for you? Your dreams for your children?

[MrsC]

My parents always said they would be happy as long as I was. They did want me to go to college but never pushed for any particular career path. It would take a lot to disappoint them.
For my own kids, I want the same thing. I want them to be happy. I will push for college but I think life is too short to spend in a job that you hate. I hope that they'll pick something they enjoy and work hard at it. Some of the happiest people I know are poor artists. They're dedicated, love what they do and work hard.

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[moonlight]

My mom always said her goal was to see me graduate from high school. Looking back I think it was a reverse physiology method to get me to college and finish.

My dream is to see DD grow up to be a folk singer. j/k One of her music teachers told me that, and it just seemed like a nice thought. I honestly don't care what she does for a living some day. I just want to her know the love of God, her family, and hopefully put a little sunshine into the world like she's already done for my life.

[MrsK]

I tiptoe into the K Bros' room at night to whisper in their ears, "When you grow up, go to graduate school and then marry a nice jewish girl who loves your momma." I say that only half in jest. I really do want my kids to be educated, to marry nice people who share our values and with whom I can be close. I wonder what I'll tell Lambie. Probably the same thing. If she thinks she might want to have a big family, I'd recommend she focus on finding a partner sooner than I did and less on her career.

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[alotofyarn]

My parents wanted us to be happy and financially independent. So far I think we've all succeeded.

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[SoonerTexan]

This is an interesting question. Honestly, I never really got anything from my dad. His parents told him to his face he was a failure and he never had any real expectations of us (not in a bad way). He did want us to go to college--he never did and I think he regrets it somewhat (although it wasn't really necessary for his career path)

My mom never said anything too specific career wise. Going to college was always expected. She did push all of us to think about having a financially stable future and career. I think she always knew I wanted to be a SAHM someday, and she made me think about how that would work with X career, but she would have never told me, "no, don't do X." Honestly, I'm grateful for that. Feeding me "you can have it all BS" wouldn't have served me well. (that topic is another discussion in itself!)

I'm really really happy with where I am now. I chose my career largely in part to the job availability/salary, yet after an initial rough period, I've found myself pleasantly surprised at how well it fits me and how much I enjoy it. The fact that it didn't require grad school or working my way up an endless ladder to something decent has been a major plus. I'm likely going to stay home in a few years and I think I'll have felt like I had a pretty decent chunk of career behind me when I leave.

Mostly, she cared about us being happy and having strong marriage. I do think my mom expected her kids to date more. 3 of my siblings haven't dated at all or VERY little, I married the first guy I dated, and my brother is headed that way with his HS sweetheart. I think we are just super picky and know what we want.

Faith was another big one. I think both my parents would take it really hard if any one of their children left the Catholic Church. Not that they are guilting us into it or anything--the choice is our own. They just view faith as the most important aspect of life, over any other type of success or happiness.

As for my kids, so far Angie's words ring pretty true:

I've tried to tell my kids that they should do what they love but be realistic. You need an income. You may need flexibility. Make sure your career path allows for these things - or at least be prepared that you might have to step off track at some point because of "life".

Honestly, I'm going to question my kids if they want to major only in something like film, or music theory, etc. without a solid career plan for where that might take them. I get having an intense interest in a subject--hell, I have a degree in history. I believe that is what double majors are for. I think it is better to have a stable income and the money/time to pursue your love as a hobby rather than a job you hate because your degree isn't marketable. Not that those degrees aren't--I just think they require a lot of careful planning and thought given the cost of a college education today.

[Vanquisher]

What were your PARENTS' dreams for you? Your dreams for your children?

I don't know what my parents expectations and dreams were for me. I don't know that they expressed them to me. I think they thought I put too much pressure and expectations on myself for them to focus on me. I always felt pressure to be successful. They harped on my negatives and weren't very encouraging. They are much better parents to me as an adult than they were to me as a child. My Dad wanted me to marry someone wealthy, I think, but I don't know how much of what he said was in jest. "It's just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor man. Date the rich men." I grew up very poor, so I think his biggest hope for me was that I wouldn't struggle like that.

As an adult, they have told me that they know I will always be okay, and they don't worry about me anymore. They did while we were in training (broke, and the dark time). They love Chad, and have expressed that I'm a great mom. My mom is disappointed that I'm atheist, but doesn't talk about with me. She considers it her failure as a mother, and cries about it.

Chad's parents would have liked if he had married at about 28-33 years old, a professional woman, Mormon, stayed in Utah and raised the grandkids a block away so that she could basically have raised the kids, gorgeous, obedient, and had 2-3 brilliant kids. Plus he'd still be a doctor or other professional, and highly conservative. They'd go on hunting trips together and talk about the evils of government and taxes.

Things I want for my kids:

Happiness! I really just want their happiness.
I want them to be educated and to have options in life.
I want them to be successful enough that they don't have to worry about putting food on the table.
I want them to be healthy.
I want them to have a family, whatever it looks like, that loves them and treats them well, and loves me.
I want them to be decent and good citizens.

[moonlight]

I tiptoe into the K Bros' room at night to whisper in their ears, "When you grow up, go to graduate school and then marry a nice jewish girl who loves your momma."

Best answer ever!!

[PrincessFiona]

My Dad wanted me to go to medical school. During the application process and while I waited for my acceptance, he called me daily. When I got in, he was hysterical with joy. When I postponed to marry Thomas, he was devastated. When I announced my pregnancy with Andrew, he said "Great. Now you'll never be anything."

So ... I feel I did disappoint my dad. He's gotten over it though in the last several years. He was happy with my grad school education and he bought many, many copies of my recent book and gave them out to all of his friends. He's very curious about my degree program now and makes a point of talking with me about it. I feel redeemed in a way.

My mom really only wanted for me to be happy and she has never expressed anything but positive feelings about the direction my life has taken. She is super supportive of my studies now.

I want my kids to be happy. I want for them to study something that they feel interested in and passionate about. I care that they are able to get jobs that are fulfilling to them and pay reasonably well (enough to support living on their own). Really though .... the happy thing. I just want their lives to be good.

Kris

[ladymoreta]

I think for the most part, my parents wanted me to be happy and self-sufficient. They were probably a little disappointed when I decided not to be a doctor, and I know they just don't understand why I am a SAHM, although they're kind of supportive of it. ("Well, you can afford it, so why not?" I think they think I'm taking a few years of vacation from working... ) They never really steered me into any career, but as I changed my mind a million times growing up, they'd support me by talking about it like it was definitely going to happen. I liked that, and I want to do that with my kids.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

My parents wanted me to marry a "nice", white, white collar, Catholic man, be a SAHM, live within 15 minutes of them, come over all the time to do things like clean the basement or have my husband cut their grass. Basically, indentured servitude. Yup, they're disappointed.

For the girls, I want them to be happy, find a passion, to be independent and successful. The rest of their lives should be a result of those things (friendships, relationships, career, money, etc). Oh, and I'd like them to honestly grow to like DH and I. Like actually want to spend time with us (after the teen angst passes ). I don't need to be their friends now, but once they're on their own, I would hope that we are friends.

[peggyfromwastate]

I don't know what my parents expectations and dreams were for me. I don't know that they expressed them to me. I think they thought I put too much pressure and expectations on myself for them to focus on me. I always felt pressure to be successful. They harped on my negatives and weren't very encouraging. They are much better parents to me as an adult than they were to me as a child. My Dad wanted me to marry someone wealthy, I think, but I don't know how much of what he said was in jest. "It's just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor man. Date the rich men." I grew up very poor, so I think his biggest hope for me was that I wouldn't struggle like that.

As an adult, they have told me that they know I will always be okay, and they don't worry about me anymore. They did while we were in training (broke, and the dark time). They love Chad, and have expressed that I'm a great mom. My mom is disappointed that I'm atheist, but doesn't talk about with me. She considers it her failure as a mother, and cries about it.

Chad's parents would have liked if he had married at about 28-33 years old, a professional woman, Mormon, stayed in Utah and raised the grandkids a block away so that she could basically have raised the kids, gorgeous, obedient, and had 2-3 brilliant kids. Plus he'd still be a doctor or other professional, and highly conservative. They'd go on hunting trips together and talk about the evils of government and taxes.

Things I want for my kids:

Happiness! I really just want their happiness.
I want them to be educated and to have options in life.
I want them to be successful enough that they don't have to worry about putting food on the table.
I want them to be healthy.
I want them to have a family, whatever it looks like, that loves them and treats them well, and loves me.
I want them to be decent and good citizens.

Are you kidding me? Grandma next door to Disney world? Your future grandkids will ADORE you.

Not just for that of course. But it doesn't hurt.

[SoonerTexan]

Yeah, I think Heidi has awesome grandma locked down. Your house is like Disney World next to Disney world! And you will
Be an awesome grandma. Actually I think of things ever get better with Chads job you are really going to love that season of life

[HouseofWool]

Yeah, I think Heidi has awesome grandma locked down. Your house is like Disney World next to Disney world! And you will
Be an awesome grandma. Actually I think of things ever get better with Chads job you are really going to love that season of life

And we have already negotiated the marriage between her daughter and my son, so we are confident the in-law thing won't be an issue.

[Vanquisher]

And we have already negotiated the marriage between her daughter and my son, so we are confident the in-law thing won't be an issue.

Yes indeed. They are betrothed. I need to arrange for my son's nuptials. Wendy, care to give me a daughter-in-law? Thanks for the votes of confidence.

[houseelf]

Me three on the disappointment-to-mom-since-I-took-the-SAHM-route. My mom was one of the pioneering feminist working women generation and we kids were all latch key. That was not a good experience as a 6 year old and I think it shaped my own parenting decisions. So, despite the great role model for a woman being enormously successful at work, I ended up taking the off ramp from my own academic career when I had kids. I was a huge overachiever from preschool to grad school, so I'm sure that was a massive let down.

Hi, have we met? My grandma was a hair stylist (Seriously think Trudie from Steele Magnolias in a small town Kentucky salon) and eventually started buying various properties to become a landlord for rental. My own mother worked FT as a telephone operator to survive. That whole latch key kid thing definitely has stuck with me and lead a lot of my parenting decisions.

I remember being very little and my parents were into watching LA Law. My dad told me, "You should be a lawyer". My parents were VERY pragmatic about college. None of this liberal arts bullshit. My brother wanted to be a musician but they strongly discouraged it. He became an engineer and is wildly successful. I wanted to teach but discouraged from it because it didn't make enough money.

I *hope* to guide my kids to some middle ground. The oldest loves math, science, law enforcement, but also ...DJing. I honestly will support him if he wants to pursue a combination of those You never know where things may lead you. I'm practical and tell him that he is not going to blow off his senior year with fluff. He needs to take calculus in HS when it is free rather than pay tuition. I think parents need to be VERY careful about quashing dreams that are far fetched. Absolutely be grounded in reality but also life was meant to be LIVED.