Working ( 1

Wow, Adrienne....You have paid off his loans already and work full-time, raise a child and do all of the housework...you deserve the "freak-out" times. How do you organize everything? Right now, my house looks like a bomb exploded because I am just trying to finish writing.....

Kris
The Medical Spouse Network

I assume the original question was meant to be "How many of you guys are working outside the home now?" Because my job keeps me in my home and it is a pretty darn tough one. So, in answer to the original question actually asked, I am working now. It is a 24/7 job caring for and teaching 3+ small children. I have no vacations and no sick days. My career is motherhood. What are my feelings on working when the spouse is completely through with residency/fellowships? Well, I will STILL be in the same job (although it will have changed dramatically - and will actually be more difficult and time consuming in six years) and I plan to be in this job for the next couple of decades. After that I will switch careers and become an architect - because the idea of sitting around at home with nothing to do but "charity work" because my husband is a doctor seems boring and sad to me. After a couple of decades of architecture - who knows? My husband and I have kicked around a number of options including doing couples missions for our church (which operates medical clinics in other countries), perhaps having me obtain a law degree, perhaps him starting up his own production company, etc. I plan to work until I die - retirement is an ugly word to me!

Being a SAHM is definately a challenging career!!! I had forgotten how much so until a few weeks ago when I finished school (for good now) and the kids got out of school!

Hey...we still have a moderator position open in the careers section (notice that the forum is placed there!) for SAHMs...maybe you could get that thread up and running? I am now a SAHM again, Janet is, Robin is....no one has gotten it going...and I think balancing time, finances, housework is an important aspect of this career....

Kris
The Medical Spouse Network

OK, I guess then I work inside and outside the home. I don't think anyone here has anything less than total respect for all of us medical spouses who are parents - no need to prove how hard it is to this group!
Anyway, Wendy - my second job is working as a research neuroscientist in a neurosurgical group attached to a major local hospital. Our focus is on Parkinson's and Huntington's disease. There are just two of us on the research end and we do both the clinical trials (the medical side of our group sees quite a few patients) and basic research into stem cells and transplantation and mechanisms of disease. It can be a lot like home in some ways because there are a million lab management problems that come up that require me to stop what I'm doing and call repairmen, supply companies, etc. Some days I love it and some days it drives me nuts and some days I'm ready to quit.
Right now my husband's about to start the third and last year of residency - yippee! I'm divided about continuing working. If he gets a position nearby (read: no commute!) I'll stay here, otherwise I'm not too inclined to job search unless we need the money. Peds isn't the highest paying specialty in the world, and we live in California which has a two-career-family sort of cost of living. If we can, I'd like to stay home and maybe do part-time consulting if possible. I worry about whether I have the fortitude or self-esteem to switch to being an entirely one-job woman, that is, a SAHM! Some days I am very relieved to leave the kids at day care (which is an utterly wonderful place and took a long time to find) so I can concentrate on something outside home.
I can think of about 20 alternate 'careers' I'd like to undertake if I were able to, so we'll see what happens next year!
Kaaren

[DCJenn]

I don't know how you do it! I don't know if I could. I would like to think I could but honestly- I'm really not sure. I completely agree that you guys have the toughest jobs as do the moms who work. Momhood in general seems rather thankless at times. I can barely handle injecting the diabetic cat twice a day.

Of course, I have people who need me at work so I can get my fufillment that way. (and then GO HOME) My field is family-friendly to a certain level- once past it it becomes very family UN-friendly. I couldn't do what I do now and have a family bigger than my juvenile spouse and my cats.

Oh well- thoughts for the moment.

Jenn

Well, my .02, for what it's worth on the SAHM vs. Working mom thing. I have done them both. I was a SAHM for several years and I really loved it...but I also have enjoyed going back to school these last two years immensely. When I was younger, it seemed easier for me to "postpone" my dreams until later...but as the big 30 loomed closer, I started to feel panic, and some regret. I am a happier person when I have an additional task on top of mothering/household. I try to keep my children at the top of my priority list...I did as much of my research here at night as I could...I took many, many gel photos after midnight so that I could be home with the kids...and only this last semester was I not able to pick them up immediately after school...and that was for 6 weeks. I regretted it, but had to do it to get this stuff done...and they actually loved going to their playgroup! I have had mixed feelings about staying at home/working, but have decided that it isn't a black/white all/nothing issue. I think that as women we also have to do have balance in our lives. Some women feel that being at home full-time is the only "right" way for every woman. I disagree with that....I think that each of us has our own needs/tolerance/dreams...motherhood is fulfilling, but working can be a financial necessity and it can be an emotional one as well.

I plan to look for a part-time teaching job at the local college nearby so that I can keep doing a little bit of something that I love and continue to be a good mom too...and I do think that you can be a good mom and work too, by the way....

Kris
The Medical Spouse Network

You guys have some really interesting posts.



You have to forgive my wording of the question. While I am not a mother yet, that question was in no way meant to minimize the work that a SAHM does. In my opinion, raising a child is one of the most difficult, fulfilling and thankless jobs you could ever have. The question was really coming from my own struggles with Dave and I planning on having a child soon and me continuing to work (most likely).



I have always thought that I wouldn't be a good SAHM. I truly do not believe that I have the patience for it. Like Adrienne I think that I need adult time on a daily basis- to do things like have an intelligent conversation on the phone without interupption from a small child, or eat a meal in peace. I also am a much better person if I can have a little "alone time" each day- if only 15 minutes or so. I crave those things now when I don't have total responsibility for a child- I can't help but think that will continue to be the case when the demands on my attention are much greater.



In all likelihood(sp?) I will continue to work even after Dave has completed all training and is once again making a decent income. We worked out an agreement before we even started medical school that I would work full time throughout (school, residency, fellowship) plus five years afterward. Everything that I make in that 5 years afterward will go to pay off loans (which will be well in excess of $200,000). After the five years, I can quit, can continue working, can change careers, whatever I want. I am content with this agreement because our incomes have always been "our" money- not mine or his. We talk about major purchases and really even pretty minor purchases at this point when there's not a lot of spending money. It is an issue that we agreed from the beginnig to communcate very consistently on. Thus far it has served us well. We have relatively few arguements about money. I don't feel like it would be an issue of me spending his money if I quit after that five years nor do I feel like I would need to keep working to have money of my own. I will have the wonderful situation of being able to work because it is something I want to do.



OK- I hope I didn't ramble too far off the topic....



Wendy




Edited by: wkelley2001 at: 6/23/01 7:41:36 am

Kris -



I only wish Aaron's loans were paid off. That comment was intended to imply that once we have paid off his loans - not that they are currently paid off. Right now we can barely afford to pay off the monthly interest on the loans. But I swore up and down we would do it so that the interest doesn't capitalize at the end of the year. He already let $10,000 do that. I could have killed him.



As for SAHM's. I have the utmost of respect for you. I may work full-time out of the house, but I know I could never be a full-time mom. Don't get me wrong - I love my son with everything I have, but I definitely enjoy being able to calmly eat my lunch (not wolf it down b/c he needs something), talk leisurely on the phone (not try to talk over a screaming child who urgently wants my attention), etc. I think you get the point. You guys have the toughest jobs of all of us. And like most daycare workers - you deserve battle pay.