Feel Guilty about Quitting!

[Ravenclaw]

I'm so glad I found this website - I hope you guys can provide me some insight on the best thing to do. I'm sorry this is long so please bear with me while I pour my heart out!
Okay to give you a little background, it took me about 2.5 months to find the job I'm currently at. I was applying and looking for jobs pretty much every day before then and was getting disheartened by the lack of response. In the meanwhile, I was doing temp work - the pay was peanuts compared to what I was getting before I got married and moved but at least it got me out of the house doing something.
I was so excited to get this job (working at an investment firm) because the pay was great (50% higher than what a recruiter told me I could expect down here) and the work seemed interesting. Since you can never judge a book by it's cover, I asked specifically during the interview process about the employee turnover and was told it was minimal.
Upon getting hired, I still didn't mind what I was doing; I thought most of my co-workers were a little strange but since I was working alone mostly and the employees in my department were nice I didn't mind the others.
However, I did find out some disturbing things, including a crazy high turnover rate.
A month and a half later, my boss, the manager of the department left the firm and they decided to promote me. Two of the other three people in my department got so upset that they promoted me over them, that they left, leaving me as a somewhat new person to train two new people and learn my new job (the previous manager only trained me for two days before he left).
It was an absolute nightmare. I was so miserable and even told them I was ready to walk out several times because I felt there was no one there to train me, yet I was responsible for the department. They assured me that a few of the other managers from other departments would be able to assist me if I needed help. At first this did happen, and I felt somewhat better but I still haven't been trained fully and now my superior is a nightmare. He has been there this whole time but I didn't have as much direct contact with him as I do now. Just talking to him for 5 minutes gives me a headache that lasts hours!!

He doesn't teach me anything, curses at me and is just overall rude and expects me to treat the people in my department the same way. If he finds out that one person made a slight mistake or did something differently than he would have, he tells me to make sure I talk to them about it. He's micromanaging, extremely anal and pompous.

I've confided in a few people there and they've told me that's just the way it is - this guy is golden in the eyes of the CEO because he basically runs the company while the CEO rarely comes in and this guy helps his bottomline so basically no matter what I do, things won't change.
I really really want to quit because I'm so miserable there but the salary is my only worry! I really wanted to save as much as I could from my salary while my husband is in residency so we could have something towards a down payment for a home and a new car which my husband will be needing soon. My husband says I can do whatever makes me happy but I still feel so guilty because I know there is a slim to nothing chance that I will find a job down here that pays the same. Then part of me thinks life is too short to be in a miserable job, but this guilt is eating at me. I feel so torn!!
Any advice would be appreciated! Thanks.

[spotty_dog]

You're right, life is too short. That's a horrible situation and they simply don't deserve a good employee like you! Plain and simple.

How about starting a new job search NOW while you slog it out just a little longer? It will give you hope and a goal to work toward and maybe make the stress and abuse a little more tolerable?

Or if you think you can cut it financially, just get the heck out. Things have a way of working out. It's a bummer to lose some of those important savings, but there are other important things in life too. :|

Good luck!

[Auspicious]

I would say don't quit yet, but definitely start looking for your next job. If you find something that will make you happier, then great, but in the meantime things may still improve in your current job. It sounds like a good chunk of your stress is transitional. Eventually, even with their terrible lack of training for you, you will learn your job, and so will the two newbies working for you. Your boss may be less of a micromanager at that point or it may not bother you as much. Most likely, though, he'll still be a jerk, so yeah, start looking.

In the interest of full disclosure, though, someone would probably have to admit to receiving daily beatings before I'd advise them to quit their job without having the next one lined up. I think careers are just full of ups and downs and the tide changes direction a LOT and it's very rare that you're not better off riding out the storm, or better off still jumping to a better job.

Let us know what happens!

I agree with Julie. Hang in there while you look and use your new title to your advantage in a job search. I'm not sure if you managed people in prior positions, but if you didn't, this is a great skill to add to your resume and could help on your search.

Hang in there. I don't want to sound insensitive -- work situations like that are so stressful and create a ripple effect through all aspects of your life. It's a temporary situation, though, and a few months more might yield a better job. (And your boss is a big jerk and that has nothing to do with you!).

Edited to add: With all that turnover, maybe your boss will be next. I wouldn't count on it, but stranger things have happened.

[Ravenclaw]

Thanks for the advice. I doubt my "boss" will be leaving any time soon - he seems next in line to take over once the CEO retires, which probably will be in a few years.

I just can't see myself happy there - my boss sadly isn't the only person that makes it miserable; he just happens to be the worst of the them. I've already started looking for another job but it's slim pickins!! I don't mind taking a non-managerial role and may even prefer since this experience has left me with a poor impression of it (this is my first managerial position). It's gotten to the point where it's affecting my health, I toss and turn at night thinking of what I will face the next day at work and I've been taking out my stress on my husband (since he's the only family I have here!) I think I just have to keep telling myself that money isn't worth it! It may take us longer to save for a down payment but it's not worth my health to get there. I also feel like since my husband has such a stressful job, it's better if I have something that is less stressful; right now I work a 50 hr week, and even when I'm home, I have to work. That doesn't help with giving us quality time together at all!

[Ravenclaw]

Also nmh I've been there for about 5 months and have seen only a SLIGHT improvement, so I question whether things there will really ever change?

Eh, it probably won't especially if it sounds like he is next in line to take the CEO position. I was thinking that will all the turnover, that might trickle up.

If it is affecting you that much then maybe it is time to leave.

I think the managing experience can be hard to come by and once you have the experience, it is a marketable asset. But only if you are interested in doing it.

A while back I was had a really difficult co-worker who was my quasi-manager. She said she was going to leave and take a job in a different state -- I was overjoyed. When she changed her mind, I was in tears, she confronted me, and I told her why. That's when I realized she was committed to staying and it was time for me to go. Unfortunately, I jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire....I was at both jobs for only a year but at the time it felt like an eternity and that it would never change. I hear you about it affecting your life. I didn't feel like going without a job was an option but if you can swing it, maybe that is what you should do.

[PrincessFiona]

leyla,

I agree with the advice about finding something else before moving on if at all possible. I recently left my part-time job due to political bs that I also knew wouldn't get better...and afterwards I have to tell you I felt SO RELIEVED! I'd rather go and work the drive-thru at McDonalds than deal with that kind of bs.

kris

[Ravenclaw]

Thanks guys for all your advice. I've thought long and hard about this - I've been miserable since June and I'm still miserable so I think it's time for me to jump ship. Financially we're okay with my husband's salary but we don't really save any money which I would like to do but I'd rather have peace of mind than oodles of savings.
I am going to give my notice tomorrow; wish me luck!
Thanks again.

Good luck! And now that you are into November, you can say you have been there for 6 months instead of 5!

[SuzySunshine]

Leyla, I'm giving my notice tomorrow as well so we can commiserate together. Good luck with the hunt, I know its not easy.

[Ravenclaw]

Cheri - I haven't been on this forum long but why are you leaving?

So when I told my boss he said we really don't want you to leave...would you come in twice a week? This was immediately after he told me several of the Portfolio Managers told our CEO that they had no confidence in the numbers I was producing. I had the resignation letter in my hand and as he was telling me how all of the PMs were "excited" about my numbers (excited in a negative way!) I was thinking I am SO glad I'm leaving this place.

These guys didn't have the nerve to even tell me to my face what they were thinking? Instead they went straight to the CEO. It's a mostly male company and I think they feel intimidated by me because I am so much younger than them and female, so they go out of their way to question everything I do. They're not even sympathetic to the fact that I was only trained for 2 days, I have no investment experience and I had only been there a month and a half before I was promoted. I even recommended to them before they promoted me that they would be better off with someone with Investment experience instead of me!!

AHHHH - I feel so relieved now even though I still have to tell them I won't accept their Part Time offer either. Good riddance!!

Wow! Are you feeling good about quitting or what?

[Ravenclaw]

Yeah I feel so relieved. I was really feeling in over my head!
Every day there just confirmed my doubts about the place!
I hope I can find a good job soon! This time I will follow my gut. Before I took this job, I googled the company and found out they lost a ton of clients because the CEO cheated on his wife with a bunch of girls from the office, and our clients found out and left (they are mostly corporations and public entities so didn't want the bad PR from their money manager). I thought that was bad news but I still accepted - I should have followed my gut reaction!!

[SuzySunshine]

I was really leaving because of another opportunity not because of my current job, yes it has its pitfalls, but don't most and they don't sound as bad as yours.

I've since decided to stay - I wish you tons of luck in your search. I've been there before and I know the weight it releives when you walk away.