College graduation and earning a living

[Flynn]

Re: College graduation and earning a living

If a young adult needs time to regroup, pay off some debt or save up some cash for a goal, that is called team work.

Kelly

Well said Kelly.
I couldn't agree more.

[SuzySunshine]

Re: College graduation and earning a living

This thread interests me even though I'm late b/c DH and I grew up so differently. We've never known anyone that moved home to live with their parents after college, but then again most of our college and high school friends fell into the "overachiever" classification.

My parents did not pay for my education, they couldn't afford to, so I got by on loans and scholarships and part time jobs. I owe about $40K for my BS and my MBA. I bought my own cars, had jobs since I was 16 and still managed to be very involved in school and extra curricular activities. A week after I graduated college I moved 8 hours away to CO to take my first job, I knew no one there and moved without DH who was still in school. Moving home never even crossed my mind, partly b/c I grew up in a little hole in the wall town and partly b/c I'd proven myself by going to the big university everyone told me I couldn't succeed at, the last thing I was going to do was go home. I made mid $30K, bought my first newer car, had my own apartment, made my school loan payments and 14 months later moved to CA where I got a significant pay increase and continued to fully support myself until DH and I were married 2 years later.

DH on the other hand had his education fully paid for, his car provided for him and did not work during the school year so that he could focus on Cross Country and his education. He did however work every summer from when he was 16 and saved money to pay for things that his parents wouldn't buy for him. He too got a lot of scholarships and grants through undergrad and med school.

I think moving home with a definite plan is one thing, I think moving home just because is disrespectful to both yourself and your parents. With all that said DH and I will pay for our children's education, if they deserve it. Meaning they meet our requirements for involvement and grades and learn the value of an education and the dollar. We do know that we will have more to give them then our parents gave us but they will also not be free floaters at any stage of their lives or our support will stop.

[DCJenn]

Re: College graduation and earning a living

Rick says Nikolai can go with whichever Army has the better deal- the Russians or the Americans.

Jenn

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: College graduation and earning a living

All I can say is that if it's bad for current grads, I shudder to think what it's going to be like when Kate and her pals hit college.

Ummm, they are all planning on their parents paying for them to have apartments (none of that nasty dorm stuff) and of course, Ivy league if they want. And they already are *entitled* to expensive toys, like iPods, cell phones, etc., etc., all top of the line. They carry around with them over $500 worth of crap and think nothing of it. Daily. And when their new ipod touch gets stolen? Waaaaah, mommy will buy me a new one. Because mommy feels so guilty that she's never there b/c she's working. And if she won't, then Daddy will, only he won't tell his new wife. But he does want his darling little spoiled brat to tell her mom (his X) because he knows it will tick her off...

This happens all the time here. I am hoping that currently I live in a bubble of extreme entitlement and poor parenting, but... I just don't know...

As for us, we will wait and take each situation as it comes. We will pay tuition and room for a state school. If the kids insist on a fancy, private school, then we'll give them the money for the state, and they are responsible for the rest.

If they incur lots of debt and then want to live off of us, I think we'll have a problem. That's when Mac will put in for a transfer to Tripler and we'll spend a couple of years in a little 2 BR condo in Hawaii. Then the kids can't really live off of us.

Sooo, at least I have a plan!

[Vanquisher]

Re: College graduation and earning a living

Girls, all you have to do is marry a dawkter, and then you're set!



I'm 30, and Chad may do a fellowship for a year. Utah is a possibility for that fellowship. I would move in with my parents. I'm 30. I have two kids. I have been living on my own for my entire adult life, but I am not above moving in with mom and dad for a year. Sometimes we all need a leg up. Kids need to learn responsibility, hard work, respect, the value of money, etc. They don't need years of undue hardship when their parents could logistically help out otherwise responsible kids.

That said, my 28-year-old brother still lives at home, and he should have been out on his ass years ago. He, though, has not learned what it means to be a respectful, responsible adult, and he shows no signs of getting there either!

It's an individualized thing.

[MissCrabette]

Re: College graduation and earning a living

Sometimes we all need a leg up. Kids need to learn responsibility, hard work, respect, the value of money, etc. They don't need years of undue hardship when their parents could logistically help out otherwise responsible kids.

That's exactly my view on this subject. :nothing:

[Flynn]

Re: College graduation and earning a living

This is such an interesting subject with so many variables.
I've really enjoyed reading this!

My parents believe that paying for education is investing in your child's future -- much like vaccinations, teaching ethics and morals, letting a child FAIL (such an unpopular teaching tool these days ), taking said child to museums and historically relevant geographic locations, and forcing a young person TO THINK FOR THEMSELF. That's their philosophy -- I'm not saying it's "the right way to think" for anyone here.

DH and I tend to agree with this philosophy -- but since our kids are so young we'll see what happens later on in this journey!!

With that being said and with regard to "other peoples' money," when my maternal grandmother died and a few relatives were swarming "to get in her good graces prior to death " my mom seceretly hoped Grandma would give all her money to the Humane Society. (Grandma was an AVID animal lover.)

There's no right or wrong here -- but it's sure been interesting!

[JaneDoe]

Re: College graduation and earning a living

I agree with Heidi - it's totally an individualized thing. As examples, take a look at my Dh and his brother.

Their grandfather gave them each a chunk of money to pay for college. They each managed their own money, their parents did not. Dh managed the money well enough to pay for fours years of college at the state university and for about a year and half of medschool, where tuition at the time was around $30,000 per year. (I can't imagine what it is now). Dh took out student loans for tuition and books during the remainder of medical school and I paid for our living expenses. Dh has never had any credit card debt or spent beyond his means. Dh did live at home during the summers in college to save money and work. He also lived at home for one year between college and medical school while working at the local hospital.

BIL did it a little different. He managed the money well enough to get a four year college degree at the same state university. But, he has lived at home ever since he graduated college. He's now 31. He does have a good job. Only yesterday did he move into a his own place and only because his dad gave him a huge chunk of money to buy a brand new home; i.e., it is not your typical starter home. FIL also gave BIL money pay off his cc debt and auto loan for purposes of helping him get a larger mortgage. Despite living with his dad and paying no rent, utilities, or even groceries, he racked up around $10,000 in cc debt and an auto loan for a 2004 suburban (he's not married, nor has any kids). He doesn't have much in savings in either. BIL definitely has a sense of entitlement. He expects his Dad to pay for everything and seemingly feels no guilt or shame in asking for money. His dad even did his laundry. Dh and I are appalled by this. When Dh has expressed is concerns to FIL, Dh is told to mind his own business, which we do now.

Although BIL feels entitled, FIL has contributed to this situation as well. As a quick background, FIL never remarried after his divorce from MIL and does not date. I think he's lonely and liked having BIL live with him. FIL even admitted yesterday during BIL's move that he was sad to see BIL moving out, but knows it is the right thing for BIL. DUH! He's 31!

My parents paid for my sister and my college education. I took out loans for law school. My sister and I have always managed our money well and I would not describe us as having any sense of entitlement. We did live at home during summers to work and save money.

From my experience and observations, I firmly believe it is individualized. I fully intend to help my kids out after they turn 18 so long as they hold up their end of the bargain. That is, we will pay for four years of college and they will maintain decent grades, stay out of trouble, work at a minimum during the summers. So long as they are doing their part, they will be welcome to live with us at home, temporarily. They will be expected to contribute to the household.

College is so expensive today, that I think the days of "I worked two jobs to put myself through college" are sooo over. It's just not possible. Additionally, starting out in life with student loan debt and only a bachelor's degree is really difficult. Most of us on this site can report on how difficult repaying student loan debt is and we, as a group, tend to have (or will have) higher incomes. I am so appreciative of what my parents did for me that I expect to pay for my kids education. Dh really appreciates what his grandfather did for him. BIL, though, I don't think he appreciates much. It is definitely individualized.

Re: College graduation and earning a living

My college experience was very similar to Lilly's. DH and I have been on our own since we were 18. We both worked our tails off to support ourselves and, even though we struggled at times, I know that those experiences helped to shape us into the people we are today.

With that being said, we do plan to cover our kids' tuition expenses as well as most of their living expenses. Tuition for my alma mater has tripled in the 8 1/2 years since I graduated so I can only imagine how outrageous it will be 16 years from now.

We do expect our children to work at least part time while attending school. To be honest, I was surprised by how many of DH's colleagues had never held a job until they entered residency. :huh: We would also (most likely) allow them to move back home after school if they are struggling to make ends meet as long as we have some ground rules in place.

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: College graduation and earning a living

For what it's worth, in my case I am sure my parents *would* have paid for my entire education if they could have, but my sister took 5.5 years to get a bachelor's and during her last year, my dad lost his job in a savings and loan buyout. So they were more into paying the mortgage at that point so we had somewhere to come for Christmas

This brings up a good point-- We will pay for college for our kids for 4 years only. If they want to take extra time, that's up to them...

My sister and my brother all took longer than 5 years for a Bachelors. I took 3.5 years... DH took 3.25 years! So it can be done...

(this is where community college is a beautiful thing, really, because you can stack up the classes and get through that thing quickly.)