Groan.....

Well, I think the moving depression is hitting me late...I adjusted pretty well for the first 6 months...but the weather has been crappy for a looooong time now...and I'm starting to feel a "This is it?" feeling really strongly. I don't really sense a strong feeling of community here...and as committed as I am to motherhood, I simply have to do something for myself...I'm losing my mind, spending endless hours online just to tap into some adult conversation.....it is ridiculous!



It really struck me this weekend how much I really need some time without children....The hospital hired a local daycare center to watch the kids on site at the hotel...and they had a BLAST!!!! I don't know how I talked myself into believing that being at home 24/7 with no time for myself at all...not even a potty break...was the best way for me to raise my children.....or that it is even the best thing for children...I do think that children can benefit alot from the social interactions with other children... Isn't there something inbetween?



I desperately want to get out and do some things without my children...I am feeling the walls caving in on me....there are no Universities that are close enough for me to realistically consider (no money if there were), nor are there any job openings in my field...not ONE!



I'm desperate to do something...which has to be obvious by the fact that I'm online all of the time...............Any advice on getting through this yucky time? I know it takes about a year to adjust to a move.......but I'm already mentally planning my escape from here.................



Kris




Time is a Dressmaker, Specializing in Alterations!

[Meenah]

Kris,

Hang in there. The winter is the worst time for so many of us. I can remember feeling that there was no end in sight when my kids were small and it was cold & snowy outside.Can you consider volunteer work somewhere? That may be impossible with childcare needs. How about some kind of part-time work in a new field? Do you have any long suppressed interests, hobbies, etc?

Luanne

[houseelf]

Kris,



Yes, I can completely empathize! I've really been ***trying*** to get out of my anti-Minnesota funk because I can be just plain rude about it. People ask me how I like it here and I offer some remark about not being used to the weather or the cost of living. Hmm, can't I think of anything nice to say? Shame on me!



I have actually talked to other transplants about the phenomenon that you're talking about. People have their own families, life long friends, activities, etc. There doesn't seem to be a lot of room for newcomers. It is not like a military base where everyone is from somewhere else and there is an instant sense of community. I have made friends with some other transplants, so this helps. I think that many people from this region are kind of shy and there is a tendency to hibernate in the winter. This doesn't help.



However, I get out most days of the week for work where I get to talk to so many people that I don't even WANT to talk to. I joined a parent/toddler group, but even after near two years, I only get together with one other family outside of the class. :0 When my dh is on call, I put the baby down at 8:30 and then I read or talk on the phone. (My phone bill is ridiculous!) In the summer, I'm generally outside all the time whether I'm running, playing with the baby, or hiking. This effectively masks my lack of social network here.



I will tell you, however, my network and community is slowly growing. It will come, Kris. At least that is what I keep telling myself.



Kelly

[houseelf]

Kris,



I know that I keep harping about this, but it has really worked well for us. What happened with the girl with 4 kids that you talked to about starting a babysitting coop? Maybe you could start slow and just have playdates and then ease into trading off one morning a week.



You are totally entitled to some time without children, for heaven's sake.



Kelly

Well, things seem better today...we had a 4 day weekend again....the kids had no school Fri or Mon...and it just gets to be too much...the weekend was a blast, but it was work/planning, etc....I don't know what it is about MN...be ready for this when Cade hits school, Kelly...but they have a LOT of 3 day and 4 day weekends! I don't know how working moms do it.



My friend Linda has children of all ages: 2-12, and even though she is a SAHM she is ALWAYS on the go. She leads two girlscout troups, cooks in the school kitchen, does playground duty, etc, etc...I've tried to get her and her family over to reciprocate our dinner and their calendar is stuffed to the gills: ballet recitals, hockey games, SLED DOG weekends They are just super busy. We talked today and she was talking about maybe being able to get together the towards the end of February... .......



Other people have lived here all of their lives, or most of their lives and are well-established...that is something I've really noticed about central MN...most people don't move here..unlike Florida, for example, where everyone was a transplant! I find it much harder to break into the "group" here.



Do you experience that here at all, Kelly?



My only socialization comes in the form of a 30 minute workout at Curves each day....The thing is, I KNOW in my head that I need to give it a year...I've been here, done that...I know that it takes time...during the cold winter months it's hard to accept because we can't go out to the park, and I honestly don't feel like bundling up and going for a walk .



It took about 18 months in Florida before I had an established group of friends that I did playdates with, etc....I guess I'll just have to tough the winter out...summer will be here soon enough and then we'll be able to play outdoors, go on nature hikes and bikerides...just have fun......



I'd consider sending Alex somewhere a couple of mornings a week, but because kindergarten here is only for two hours, I'd have to still contend with having Finny at home at 10:30.......for now, the solution is to grit my teeth and just white knuckle my way through it...



Kris
Time is a Dressmaker, Specializing in Alterations!

kris -



winter can be so depressing sometimes - if all you would like to do is just sit in the backyard and enjoy the flowers and sunshine and cool breeze! i cannot wait for the temperature to rise a bit so that i don't dread even going to the grocery store. did any of those part-time job leads work out? i can't remember who suggested volunteering but that is a *great* way to get out of the house and also makes you feel better about yourself and the world! i signed up for this read to succeed program through our church and i cannot wait for it to start! you are paired up with a child and you meet together on monday nights for two hours to read together - the ladies who coordinate it seem really cool, too. it has "friend potential" as i like to say! ha ha.



other than that, i don't know but do know that i feel for you - i have like uh, zero friends here if you don't count furry creatures, my husband, and my two bosses at the bookstore. kelly - i completely know what you are talking about re: masking your lack of social network. somehow i have managed to get through these last few months just fine by keeping busy during the day - studying, cleaning, browsing at TJ Maxx, online - and then when dinner rolls around (if hubby is on call), i make myself a gourmet meal, watch a bit of TV, read and/or talk on the phone all night long! Thank goodness for telephones. Without my phone, I would most certainly be a disaster.



Kris, you could take another class!

Well, ladies, I definately think that this is winter blues after talking to you and a couple of offline ladies who are going through similar feelings of blah!!!



I have found some alternatives....The hotel that had all of that neat stuff has a family membership and for $200/year you can go every day but Saturday and the kids can swim in the pools, play in the sports area, playin in the kid's play area, etc....This is definately an alternative to being at home and would be great fun for the kids.



Another lady suggested the YMCA...and I think I'll look into the programs there, but I think my kids are overscheduled as it is with gymnastics and ballet....



I like the hotel idea because it is such a neat entertainment center and would be something we could go to if we got really bored or even for a family fun night!



I also just have to reach out more to others...I have to....





I may also be registering for a distance learning course if I can find a cheap one!...I have taken them before and it is just right for me...I think the classes are what you make them...just like on-campus ones...and I do well with the flexibility, etc...and it makes me feel like I'm working towards something.



Honestly, for me the problem is that I was always a very over-scheduled person...took the max in classes and then also maxed out on activities...During high school I was gone from 7.30am until 9pm most days doing schoolwork, activities and then going to the library to study...I loved being active and busy and having a really full schedule....Even in grad school my last year, as busy, and at times overwhelmed as I was, I thrived on the activity...I'm just a really "busy" person...and so I find it hard to have so much unscheduled time....giving myself a goal to work towards would definately help!



But anyway...thanks for letting me bend your ears on this, and if I find a good class, I'll let you know...



In the meantime..think Spring!!!



Kris
Time is a Dressmaker, Specializing in Alterations!