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So, this is a pretty basic issue, but I'm wondering how it's handled in other medical households:
My boyfriend (who, to his credit, is far less messy than the average man) and I recently combined our two households into one, just as he was starting medical school. Like, I think, most Gen-Xers (and a significant number of Boomers) I had always believed that when I was a grownup and a co-head-of-household, as long as my significant other and I were both working full-time outside the home, we would both be contributing equally to the work that needs to be done inside the home. What I didn't anticipate is that that significant other would have a job that was so much more time-consuming than mine. Right now I work your basic 40-hour week, while med school is keeping my boyfriend jumping . . . let's say 60 hours a week. As 2 people create more of a mess than one person, I've pretty much found myself dealing with more dishes, more laundry, and more dirt than I used to have.
I feel like I have an angel on one shoulder saying: "Is it fair that he should come home after a 12 hour day and do the same amount of housework as you, who only had an 8-9 hour day? Isn't taking up the slack the kind of thing you do for someone you love? A sacrifice you make for the success of the relationship?"
And a devil on the other shoulder saying: "What is this, 1954? Are you supposed to be June Cleaver now? You chose a career that allows more free time, and as a consequence you're expected to spend that free time doing laundry and dishes for an able-bodied, grown man? If you don't go to grad school you're expected to be the household maid for the next 7 years?"
Or maybe I have it reversed--which one is the angel and which the devil. If I make him do it am I being selfish? If I don't make him do it am I being some kind of doormat?
None of our peers have this problem, because for them both halves of the couple work similar hours, and it's kind of a given that the housework should be split 50/50. If they don't hit that 50/50 ideal, then they come pretty close. Our situation is unique among our friends.
I'm curious to hear, if possible, how this is handled in other medical households. If not in your own, than in others that you know of. And how you think it SHOULD be handled, even if that ideal isn't always reached.
Is my angel wrong-headed, or my devil? I want us to get this straightened out before we develop bad habits in our relationship that will be that much harder to break later.
Curious to know what everyone thinks.
P.S. As a corallary, how much housework should/does a resident do? Obviously not 50%, but do they still do some symbolic amount? 10%, 1%, none?
My boyfriend (who, to his credit, is far less messy than the average man) and I recently combined our two households into one, just as he was starting medical school. Like, I think, most Gen-Xers (and a significant number of Boomers) I had always believed that when I was a grownup and a co-head-of-household, as long as my significant other and I were both working full-time outside the home, we would both be contributing equally to the work that needs to be done inside the home. What I didn't anticipate is that that significant other would have a job that was so much more time-consuming than mine. Right now I work your basic 40-hour week, while med school is keeping my boyfriend jumping . . . let's say 60 hours a week. As 2 people create more of a mess than one person, I've pretty much found myself dealing with more dishes, more laundry, and more dirt than I used to have.
I feel like I have an angel on one shoulder saying: "Is it fair that he should come home after a 12 hour day and do the same amount of housework as you, who only had an 8-9 hour day? Isn't taking up the slack the kind of thing you do for someone you love? A sacrifice you make for the success of the relationship?"
And a devil on the other shoulder saying: "What is this, 1954? Are you supposed to be June Cleaver now? You chose a career that allows more free time, and as a consequence you're expected to spend that free time doing laundry and dishes for an able-bodied, grown man? If you don't go to grad school you're expected to be the household maid for the next 7 years?"
Or maybe I have it reversed--which one is the angel and which the devil. If I make him do it am I being selfish? If I don't make him do it am I being some kind of doormat?
None of our peers have this problem, because for them both halves of the couple work similar hours, and it's kind of a given that the housework should be split 50/50. If they don't hit that 50/50 ideal, then they come pretty close. Our situation is unique among our friends.
I'm curious to hear, if possible, how this is handled in other medical households. If not in your own, than in others that you know of. And how you think it SHOULD be handled, even if that ideal isn't always reached.
Is my angel wrong-headed, or my devil? I want us to get this straightened out before we develop bad habits in our relationship that will be that much harder to break later.
Curious to know what everyone thinks.
P.S. As a corallary, how much housework should/does a resident do? Obviously not 50%, but do they still do some symbolic amount? 10%, 1%, none?
Carey
. He complains about our messes, but he walks in the door and tosses his shoes about, leaves his cups at the computer, etc, etc....His idea of folding laundry is to roll things in a ball and shove them in drawers...but I have to give him credit for at least trying 
Now that we are doing the intern thing, he just doesn't have time and I have taken up the slack. I do the garbage because he can never remember what day it is. I do most of the cooking and dishes at this point. He basically does the front lawn. BUT ... I also have kids who are getting old enough to help out. Jacob mows the back lawn and they help to clean up.
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