Has anyone?

[cylverdust]

I have not posted in quite a long time.. but I needed input from others in the spousal field...My hubby failed second year.. and the school is making him repeat first and second year because they changed the curriculum.. We are okay with the situation.. but it still feels unfair... They also want my hubby to take a year off... so we are we are back to be being MS0 again...
Anyway... please give me your opinions

PS could not find how to change my signature...

[Deebs]

Re: Has anyone?

First, let me say I am so sorry. I haven't been in your shoes and I can't imagine the emotions you probably have over this, let alone trying to help him through it. If they switched the curriculum, there probably isn't a way for him to just repeat M2. But, then he should be offered some financial assistance. Any chance of negotiating for 1/2 price tuition for each year or some other similar accommodation? Also, I would want a reasonable assurance from the school that if he repeats he has the ability to get through in four additional years. Not that it's all about money, but the monetary obligation for two additional years is substantial. I don't know what else you do at this point. :huh: I'm assuming he can't envision himself being anything but a physician. If I were in your shoes, I would really need some emotional support (or someone to vent to, hence, iMSN), so make sure you're taking care of yourself, too. Hang in there!

[SuzySunshine]

Re: Has anyone?

No real advice here either but Deb has some good points. Is he sure he wants to be a doc? Can he look at other schools?

Big hugs, hang in there.

[Meenah]

Re: Has anyone?

No advice, just lots of hugs. He will need your support, and you will need our support. Just know we are all here for you.

[migirl]

Re: Has anyone?

I've no advice, but I'm so sorry. What a difficult situation.

Re: Has anyone?

I've heard of folks who were asked to repeat a year, but never heard of people asked to start from scratch. Unfortunately I have no advice for you - just sympathy. I'd really ask him to take a look at medicine and if it's truly what he needs to do. It's a huge undertaking (as you know) and it really only gets more difficult.

Best of luck.

[Vanquisher]

Re: Has anyone?

I am not in your shoes, but I have some thoughts, and you can take them for what they are worth, which may be nothing. I do know some people who failed a year of school or came very close, and these are my thoughts based on what I saw for them and where I sit.

Why does your husband want to be a doctor? Is there anything else he would be happy doing?

I ask this because depending on the reasons for wanting to be a physician, there are other jobs out there and other routes you can take to achieve the same things. PhDs, MBAs, PA, and NP are all good routes.

What kind of physician does your husband want to be? Really examine this. Hard. If he wants to go into a competitive specialty, he may never get there. I know people who tried to match 5 times for ortho, and they never did, and that's without having failed a year of school. There are other specialties out there that are just as difficult to match in. Furthermore, even if it isn't a competitive specialty for match, it may be something where you have to relinquish any hope of living where you want to live just to match. Subsequently, you (and I am not trying to be patronizing or condescending in the slightest) must realize that it doesn't end with the diploma. In general, residencies and fellowships are a lot more difficult than medical school. The years, money, toll, strain, and sacrifices involved can be staggering.

Look, here we are one year from the finish line, and I can't tell you that the path we took was worth it. I would take some time and really, really examine what you want to do with your lives. Does that correspond with going to medical school? Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn't.

If your hubby does decide to go back and do medical school, he really will need to bust his ass in a major way. Major. He will have to prove himself as a candidate who is worthy of the degree AND worthy of a residency position. He will have to get really good grades from the get go until the end, and he'll have to do really well on his boards. This means studying and working even when there are other obligations of life. Furthermore, this will be something he is going to have to answer for and account for. Why did he fail? Is there a REALLY, REALLY good reason for it? Some people won't care even if there is, but if there isn't... well, it will make people question whether he is cut out for any of it at all.

Just my .02

[HouseofWool]

Re: Has anyone?

Here's my two cents, based on my dh having to retake his MS3 year because he got sick at the end of 1st semester.

Taking a year off is actually a very good thing. It will allow him to blow off some of the bitterness that he may have about the whole situation and to get his head back on so he can focus on what he needs to do. Balancing med school with a family is hell.

The other big plus about taking the time off is that all of the other students he knows (MS1 and MS2) will be in their clinical years so he won't have to worry about bumping into them and the potential embarrassment it could cause.

The downside of being in school is obvious, but if he is dedicated and this is truely his calling...

Good luck to you and your family.

[alison]

Re: Has anyone?

So, so sorry to hear what you're going through.
Don't be a stranger around here.

Big hugs.

[cylverdust]

Re: Has anyone?

First of all, I wanted to say thanks for all the input and support..... We have talked about this situation so much in the last two weeks... He wants nothing more than to be a doctor. He is thinking ER or Anethisia (sp) ... He understands that he has to do not just well from now but outstanding. I kind of feel like he should take the year off but he is not inclined toward it. He is not ashamed of the failure oddly, he is actually ready to go back to first year and start over. I even talked to him about it, did he really want this, was there something else that would work for him, but he wants this so much. Basicly his failure had everything to do with me, I injured my back, then got very very very sick, then got pregnant and was sick for 16 weeks straight. So for the past year plus 3 months, I have been very sickly and clingy basicly. I hate to admit that is mostly my fault, he felt like he chose his marriage over school. His school wants to know his head in in the game which I understand. I want to make sure it is too. I am concerned that when baby gets here it will again be tough for him... I will be honest I know that school is the easy part, I don't have a full understanding obviously because I have only experienced the school part but I know how tough this has been... I am doing sooooo much better now so it seems to be affecting him...in a very positive way.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Re: Has anyone?

Congrats on your baby and I'm glad to hear that you're on the mend.

I think you're right to be concerned though with the pressures on his time with the baby coming. Could you use that to ask him to take the year off? That way when he restarts he could be completely focused and know you and the baby are on the right track because the baby will be a year old? Just thinking about it like that might help him (perhaps you've already tried this...) because this is probably his only chance at a restart and so removing the distractions of having the newborn might be the best plan for success.

[GrayMatterWife]

Re: Has anyone?

I've heard of folks who were asked to repeat a year, but never heard of people asked to start from scratch.

Me, too--I've know people who've had to retake a year, but what a rotten thing to have to start all over. GRRRRRR.

I wish I had some kind of insight to offer. Why did the school suggest a year off? Was it a "stop and regroup" opportunity, a chance to emotionally mature, a chance to take some upper-division science classes to beef up his background? You might want to take advantage of the chance. It's only a year and it may help.

[cylverdust]

Re: Has anyone?

The school is making him do first year again because they changed the curriculum... The year off is to make sure his personal problems are resolved. They also want us to see a therapist and get 'proof' that he is okay to proceed. He seems ready to go. He feels like he is ready now. I don't want to tell him I want him to take a year off because he will just because I want it. Does that make any sense. I worry for him sometimes but he is one that will NEVER put anything in front of his family no matter how badly he wants it. That is why he is where he is right now. He has a friend just like him, but he scraped by unlike hubby. He does not want to postpone because of the baby because he said at some point there will be another newborn along the way probably while still in school part...

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: Has anyone?

double post...

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: Has anyone?

I'm just curious as to what the "putting family first" means to him practically?

For us, DH was very family-centered, but sometimes he just has to miss stuff. That's life. Our 4th was born on a holiday weekend, thankfully, but DH didn't miss exams or anything. He trucked along with school- b/c that's his job, and providing for us is putting the family first. I would've loved to have him at least home for a week, but that wasn't realistic and so I didn't even think to ask...

This was us during the first 2 years of med school-- we had 3 kids, and #4 was born at the end of 1st year. DH managed to come home for dinner almost every day, before clerkships started. He studied early in the morning (as in 4 am), at school, until about 5:30 or so, then came home, helped with dinner/bath/bed, and studied from about 8 to 10, so on and so forth. On the weekends he studied almost all day Saturday at the library or at the school, but tried to come home by 3 pm to have some "family time". He studied on Sundays, but he only studied during naps and what not, so he was physically at home on that day.

All this totally changed during clerkships, as did my expectations.

During intern year? He's a slave to whatever his chiefs want him to do. If that means, like it did for some rotations, he didn't see us at all for days on end, so be it...

My point is that both of you really should look at precisely what it means to put family first. It's not going to be acceptable at some point if he says he needs to be home for whatever event, esp if it means he's putting out a chief or a senior resident or anything like that.

I do know one guy who had to repeat the first year and barely scraped by the second. He had family issues, too. I think the admin didn't want to move him forward, and frankly every single year, including clerkship years, he has had major struggles.

Anyway, I understand that your husband really wants medicine and that's his goal. ER is not terribly family friendly, IMO, but others see it differently. It just depends on how flexible your family is as to whether or not ER is a good fit. Anesthesia is, in my understanding, super duper competetive. I think that taking a year is a good option, and it can't really hurt. Who knows what may happen with a newborn-- but they do bring a level of chaos and sleep depravation that is totally unlike anything else.