Marriage on the rocks...

SO after another dramatized argument, we got to the bottom of things. While I still believe we still need council, I feel much more at peace today. He agreed he handled his frustration way wrong, and would work on respecting me and the things I do to keep the household afloat. However, I did not make any head way on him helping me out, but so long as I am respected we can work on the other. So for now, back to the ole , , , and . Thanks for the advice. I plan to stick around.

baby steps. hold him to being respectful, and remember to respect yourself and your contribution.

That sounds like progress!
I'm glad you found our site and hope to hear more from you soon.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

SO after another dramatized argument, we got to the bottom of things. While I still believe we still need council, I feel much more at peace today. He agreed he handled his frustration way wrong, and would work on respecting me and the things I do to keep the household afloat. However, I did not make any head way on him helping me out, but so long as I am respected we can work on the other. So for now, back to the ole , , , and . Thanks for the advice. I plan to stick around.

That's progress. And if I may give advice: Praise him for ANYTHING he does that shows respect or could possibly be construed as helping out. That will increase the frequency. People are a lot more like dogs than we like to admit; if you yell or kick the dog, it will bite you but if you shape good behavior with praise, the good behavior happens more often.

[NYCHoosier]

That's progress. And if I may give advice: Praise him for ANYTHING he does that shows respect or could possibly be construed as helping out. That will increase the frequency. People are a lot more like dogs than we like to admit; if you yell or kick the dog, it will bite you but if you shape good behavior with praise, the good behavior happens more often.

Jumping in late, but on top of that, remember to use "I" statements when offering criticism. I know it sounds silly, but it really does work; it keeps the other person from going on the defensive (or at least guards against it).
Best of luck!

[SoonerTexan]

ETA: the whole God complex will only get worse as they move forward in training if left unchecked.

Oh my.

PS--If you have trouble finding time to attend counseling, some counselors offer phone services and late night sessions (I only know this because my mom is one of them!)

Communication is the most important thing. For us it took time to go away from eachother, work things out in our heads, and then come back to a constructive conversation. Therapists will counsel you on your perceptions of things as being bad or good, offer specific language that you and you spouse can use to communicate better, and offer ways in which you can focus on you. I advised another person going through this very similar situation that you are the anchor point for the family. It may take time, but you will need to figure out how to be the best rock solid anchor you can be. ..and remember.....LIFE COULD BE MUUUUUCH WORSE......

All the best to you and Welcome to the show!

RB

...oh and one more thing...ALTHOUGH men are (admittedly) very simple creatures (no comments necessary, hens, thank you) jumping in the sack is bad juju if you guys are not getting along...

Something I used to always say to my husband, even in undergrad (we've been together 15 years), is it's great to work hard, but, if you've alienated everyone by working so hard, then all you've accomplished is not worth anything--you have no one to share it with.

So, we are in like PGY-I don't know...and it's hard, but remember you love him, you signed up for this when you married him--BUT, you have needs too. Be open and honest...if you put it on the table and he doesn't respond, try harder. Seek help, but hang in there. All marriages are difficult...medical marriages are unusually difficult. We are all here for you.

~annie