If you had to do it all again...

[DCJenn]

We have all had imaginary spouses. Heck, Vishenka used to bring another guy to events! It's part and parcel for the lifestyle. If there's an event you want to attend, you just go.

My husband told me last night that they finally got the holiday schedule worked out. Of course, he didn't bother to tell me what it WAS. (which doesn't bode well and he's probably avoiding the conversation because I will be mad) I'll probably be making a turkey for two. (or in the case like last year, not making a turkey at all but a stew from Vegetarian Times magazine that truth be told was WAY better than turkey.)

J.

[NYCHoosier]

Not to Hijack the thread, but does it ever feel to you like you are
leading two lives? Ive got my couple life and my single life at the
same time. I mean people know I am with my SO, but several of the
people I hang out with have never met him, or if they have, it was very
briefly and its like he doesn't exist. I volunteer and socialize most
of the time with out him, so its like I have two separate lives. I'm
not complaining. I'm used to it. Its just an odd reality I seem to live
in.

Totally!! I sometimes worry people think he's a figment of my imagination, lol. There are crazier people in this city...

For example, I've been going to my current church for the past 2 1/2 years. I lead the 20s/30s group as well as the middle school youth group. He's met 2 of my church people one time. At NY Cares Day that I dragged him to b/c our team at that point had 3 people on it. (we're busy folk).

He still hasn't ever met my friend P. She couldn't make it to our wedding b/c she was in India, but I went to India to visit her this spring and have spent most of the summer with her (she moved to NY in June).

Right now most of my friends are single. But once they start getting married I'm going to have to find myself a gay husband. My gay boyfriend right now is almost too crude to bring places.

[Pollyanna]

Until we had our last baby the deptarment used to tease dh that he didn't have a family and we were just made up, to the point that other residents put together a video roast of dh on the same topic.

[Auspicious]

My brothers have been known to use air quotes when asking how my supposed "husband" is doing. Also to joke that he is for tax purposes only.

[L.Jane]

Jen, Id love that stew recipe if you would be so inclined to share.

We will have no idea about the holidays for a while and my mother is driving me crazy about new years. Both his family and mine want us in AZ for New Years... and if that happens my older sis, who has never met J will actually meet him for the first time. We will have been together over two years at that point.

[oceanchild]

Not to Hijack the thread, but does it ever feel to you like you are
leading two lives? Ive got my couple life and my single life at the
same time. I mean people know I am with my SO, but several of the
people I hang out with have never met him, or if they have, it was very
briefly and its like he doesn't exist. I volunteer and socialize most
of the time with out him, so its like I have two separate lives. I'm
not complaining. I'm used to it. Its just an odd reality I seem to live
in.

I don't, really, because our life together has always involved our lives separately. We went to different colleges and dated throughout. There are people I know who haven't met him, but not that many. *shrug*

We have all had imaginary spouses. Heck, Vishenka used to bring another guy to events! It's part and parcel for the lifestyle. If there's an event you want to attend, you just go.

Me too. We say I dated dh's best friend during intern year (also our first year of marriage).

I'm too sexy to bring a "date" to events. Don't want rumor mill started.

I go stag or with a buddy.

Above was somewhat serious. But, seriously, you have to develop your own set of friends. I absolutely love being a kid again with softball and wiffleball and bar excursions that follow the "on the field" outings.

You can't sit at home waiting for the medical half of the couple to arrive.

And when you plug into your group of friends you have to head out on the off night that your spouse arrives and is available. Don't feel guilty when you head out for a prior commitment just because your partner happens to be home.

[L.Jane]

I actually find it good sometimes to head out when J is off. It gives him some "me" time. Like this Saturday. I already had a volunteer commitment when he found out his schedule changed and he was going to be off. Now he can sit at home, be as lazy as he wants and not have me around to bug him. We all need me time. If he is always either at work, or with me, he does not get that time we all need to just be alone.

[Vishenka69]

Me too. We say I dated dh's best friend during intern year (also our first year of marriage).

Yup, I also dated DH's best friend all through med school. Then moved on to my friend's boyfriend in residency. The only places those two didn't go were family events and weddings. DH was very much imaginary during training years. Hence, I'm happy that we got to stay in NYC. It's the best place to be "single."

[NYCHoosier]

Yup, I also dated DH's best friend all through med school. Then moved on to my friend's boyfriend in residency. The only places those two didn't go were family events and weddings. DH was very much imaginary during training years. Hence, I'm happy that we got to stay in NYC. It's the best place to be "single."

So true. Love it!

Such good advice!
S and I have been together for almost a year now - all of which has been long distance. We see each other every two months and once he is matched we will figure out what our next step is.

I think being in the same city as him will be the first helpful step! Trying to have a conversation in the evening after he has been at the hospital for 18 hours isn't very productive probably on a good day, but at least if we could co-exist together that could be helpful!

Residency starts next year... apparently it's time to let the fun begin