Question for Catholics

[MrsC]

From our experience it totally depends on the church and individual priest.

In our current location we had to prove (which we failed ):

***that both my husband and myself were Catholic = baptised, confirmed and married in THE church

***that we had "good standing" in a Catholic church in town for at least a year

*** "good standing" means going at least three times a month to a local Catholic church AND giving a minimum 2% of your family income for at least a year.

I KID YOU NOT.


I got pissed off at the second priest we called and got a tiny bit snotty with him (a tiny bit?). When he said it wouldn't be possible for us "until we made some changes" I told him I'm a practical woman and asked him "how much it would cost." I was dead serious.

He paused and did an uncomfortable "ah hem." I explained I grew up in the Catholic church and was TRYING to stay in it but in our current city with the 1950's mentality I was finding it extremely difficult to "stay Catholic." I asked my question again (how much would it cost) and he told me "he would call me back."

I wonder if he'll actually call us back. I picture the little weasle looking at estimates for a new sign or to replace the fragile stained glass.

This is crazy. There is absolutely no rule under Canon law that says that you need to be married or baptised and confirmed in the Catholic church to have your child baptised. You have to promise to raise you child Catholic and have a Catholic Godparent. I think since your DH is baptised Catholic and will be Confirmed shortly, it shouldn't be problem to have your baby baptised.

If the priest gives you grief about it, find a new priest.
I'm so glad to have a Granduncle who is a priest and the most laid back and understanding you can find.

[oceanchild]

So here we are… He was under the impression that the adult class would be shorter than 7 months. I thought it should take about a month to two at the most. But it seems he is kinda stuck with this class now. It’s every Thursday night at 7pm. Thankfully his residency isn’t too demanding, but I am concerned about what will happen while he is on busy rotations or if he were to get paged while on call or what we’ll do when the baby comes or what we’ll do about taking a vacation as we planed for next February… eeekkk. This is getting complicated.

Were we totally off track in thinking it should be quicker than 7 months?

Generally adult confirmation takes place on Easter Vigil. It's not like baptism where they just do it on any given Sunday. I think 7 months is pretty standard. And they'll probably be reasonable if things come up and he has to miss class.

ETA: Confirmation for teens is usually at least a two year process, so 7 months is somewhat accelerated.

[moonlight]

Generally adult confirmation takes place on Easter Vigil. It's not like baptism where they just do it on any given Sunday. I think 7 months is pretty standard. And they'll probably be reasonable if things come up and he has to miss class.

ETA: Confirmation for teens is usually at least a two year process, so 7 months is somewhat accelerated.

Thank you Julia for clarifying that for me!! DH's mother gave him the idea that the adult class was a quickie thing, but in reality she didn't know she just assumed. Oh man... I should have known!

I told my husband for a decade he needed to get it done, but he never got around to it.

Thanks again Julia, that makes total sense now that I'm thinking about what the priest told us last night.

[MarissaNicole]

Hmmm I think confirmation was a 7-9 month process for our church.... it started in the fall and then we got confirmed in the spring.

I think many times the adult process is considered "accellerated" because many of the adults are not just getting confirmed... they are getting baptized, prepared for eucharist AND confirmed... therefore they have to get the education that children get over several years within a matter of months.

[moonlight]

This baptism thing is really turning out to be a pain the butt.

Per the priest's request, we are now attending mass on a more regular basis. I guess twice a year wasn't going to cut it while DH is in his conformation class! LOL!

After mass last Sunday he informs DH that he is not to take communion because we were not married in the Catholic church. Until he can finish up his class and we are then married (in the Catholic church) he may take communion again. DH looked at me with total stunned shock and silence. He was literally knocked speechless. Inside I'm thinking "whateverrrr. <eye roll>" I see that DH needs a way out of the conversation, and quick. I immediately say to the priest, we'll see you on Thursday night for class, right? Ok, then. Bye bye!

I wasn't expecting it but my husband is really upset. I mean, really devastated that he can't take communion. I had no idea it was that important to him.

Is this a church by church discretion thing, or did DH really break a serious rule by getting married in my church and not "The Church?"

[MarissaNicole]

Hmmm... I've heard of our local senator getting denied communion here because he votes for abortion, and I know that people who were divorced and remarried in another church are not usually given communion, but I am not familar with getting married outside the catholic church as being a reason not to receive communion.....

I would have thought they would have recognized your marriage as long as it was in a church?

[moonlight]

some good news...

Oh, I also wanted to add that I called the church we want to use in S.C. to do the baptism. They said the only rule is that one godparent must be confirmed and that DH and I attend a two hour parent class this month. Other than that it doesn't matter that I'm not catholic. In fact she said flat out "It's all about the baby, nothing else really matters."

[SuzySunshine]

My understanding is that you're not considered married in the eyes of the church so they consider your union a sin and therefore no, he wouldn't be able to take communion. It works the same way for people that are married in the church and then divorced. The rules are so ancient sometimes its just frustrating IMO.

[v-girl]

That is a pretty common rule. And being able to take communion probably does mean a lot to your husband because it is a big deal.

I have friends who are going through trying to get their spouses to go along with having their marriages blessed by the Church so they can receive communion. It's emotional and I think I would have been heartbroken and felt odd if the priest had that conversation in front of other people. That's inappropriate.

If your parish offers it, I highly recommend the Christ Renews His Parish retreat for your husband (and you if you are interested). There is a lot of learning, growing and healing that takes place.

[SoonerTexan]

If your parish offers it, I highly recommend the Christ Renews His Parish retreat for your husband (and you if you are interested). There is a lot of learning, growing and healing that takes place

My church back home in Dallas does this--there is a waiting list/lottery it is so "popular"

[moonlight]

That is a pretty common rule. And being able to take communion probably does mean a lot to your husband because it is a big deal.

I have friends who are going through trying to get their spouses to go along with having their marriages blessed by the Church so they can receive communion. It's emotional and I think I would have been heartbroken and felt odd if the priest had that conversation in front of other people. That's inappropriate.

If your parish offers it, I highly recommend the Christ Renews His Parish retreat for your husband (and you if you are interested). There is a lot of learning, growing and healing that takes place.

Oh gosh I didn't even think about the fact that other people in the atrium could have heard the priest talking to DH. Looking back I don't think anyone was with in ear shot, but I'm not really sure. Now I'm getting more upset.

Would the retreat allow him to take communion again? He was (and is) really upset. He called his mother and tried to find out if this was a discretionary thing. If it's discretionary then he was thinking about dropping out this particular class and trying again at the other catholic church in town. It sounds like he is out of luck on this issue for now.

[ladymoreta]

Sorry, no helpful advice since I'm not Catholic either, but I am curious... Do you have to convert to Catholicism to be married in the Catholic Church? I had a friend who converted before her wedding, but I'm not sure if she was required to.

[v-girl]

It is not a discretionary thing. And the retreat wouldn't change that, but it could help him sort through his feelings on the issue and understand that he is still Catholic and is still loved by the Church and by Jesus Christ.

Honestly, that retreat changed my life and renewed my faith when I was ready to give it up. It is very popular. Our parish only does two for women and two for men each year. My husband is going this weekend. In the middle of his two weeks of PICU night shift. That's how important I felt it was for him to attend.

I truly see it as something that helps those who are struggling with their faith or have come to what they see as a road block.

For a marriage to be blessed by the Catholic church, one party has to be a practicing Catholic (many slip through on this one) and the couple has to agree to raise any children as Christians or Catholics -- I can't remember how specific that is, but my sister and her hubby were married in the Church and he isn't Catholic. I am my niece's godmother, her godfather is her dad's twin brother.

[SoonerTexan]

For a marriage to be blessed by the Catholic church, one party has to be a practicing Catholic (many slip through on this one) and the couple has to agree to raise any children as Christians or Catholics -- I can't remember how specific that is, but my sister and her hubby were married in the Church and he isn't Catholic. I am my niece's godmother, her godfather is her dad's twin brother.

Exactly. We actually used to know a family where the wife was Catholic and the husband was a Muslim (and wow were they awesome people) so there isn't a restriction there.

[MarissaNicole]

For a marriage to be blessed by the Catholic church, one party has to be a practicing Catholic (many slip through on this one) and the couple has to agree to raise any children as Christians or Catholics -- I can't remember how specific that is, but my sister and her hubby were married in the Church and he isn't Catholic. I am my niece's godmother, her godfather is her dad's twin brother.

This is why I thought that he should be able to receive communion. He is catholic, and they are baptizing their child in the catholic church (and they were married in -I am assuming- a christian church).
And is there an actual formality in getting your marriage blessed?